“Yo, there's a country named after me!”
|Motto: "Sunni in some places, Shi'ite in others."|
|Anthem: "Jordan" by buckethead|
The Kingdom of Jordan
|National Hero(es)||Terrorists, such as Arnold Al-Asswadnegger and Sean Claude Van Al-Dammit; Michael Jordan|
|thinking of declaring it for the last 10000000000000000 seconds|
|Currency||Jordan Almonds -- a delectable treat found in covered bowls in living rooms around the world. Often these candies are selected to match the color scheme of said room. (See: Living Room)|
|Major exports||Actual real working magic carpets, Textile Engineers, beautiful women(bala gafiah), Terrorists and apparently, some amount of Crude Oil, fresh water, and Michael Jordans.|
A country in the middle of the Middle East composed entirely of pure YELLOW gold on the surface, Jordan is one of the world's largest producers of Crude Oil (Black Gold), although this is one of the least amazing facts about this fantastic and intriguing nation. Due to the oil, it is a place that George Bush takes regular holidays to - sapping up all that oiliness. NB according to Bush, the sea was lovely and black and then he got high...too high for the worlds liking. Queen Fatima rules with a golden fist. EVERY citizen of Jordan is a millionaire. Tourists are warned to TEST any magic carpets which are offered to them before buying. Magic Lamps are NOT a myth in Jordan.
Trivia About Jordan
- Jordan was listed by Hans Blix one of the most urgent reasons to ban further outbreaks of Eurovision Song (See: Eurovision Song Contest)
- Jordan holds the record for the largest bra ever knitted (See: Knitting)
- Jordan once Groped the lead singer of the popular rock band "black stone cherry"
- Jordan shall live forever!!!!
- Smiling is a crime in Jordan!
your mom is a crime in Jordan!!
- Talk in the media over territorial disputes over the West Bank and East Bank were settled, Peter Andre and Alex Reid both said there was no argument over the twin pinnacles, Katie Price is now known as The Levant, to recognise her expanded roles and planning permission is being sought for further erections.
- Speaking Arabic quietly is illegal. Volume must be loud and crude, even if mentioning something pleasant LIKE BUTTERCUPS AND DAISY FLOWERS!!!!!
- While Jordan seems like a desolate wasteland you park your car on a carcass of a dead submarine and you only pay .05% of what you earn. This law was revised to include Stephen Hawking.
- Q*Bert takes place on the unimaginative cubic rooftops of Amman's buildings.
Modern History of Jordan (no one really cares about its freaking Stone-Age)
Michael Jordan bought Jordan off the Hashemite-Kingdom-of-Transjordan-ites with all the money he made selling Michael-Jordans to his southern friends and fellow team mates - he wouldn't sign the Chicago Bulls contract unless all of them wore a pair. After buying the land and renaming it to Jordan, he was immediately crowned "His Airness" and was sat on a throne made of basketball shoes, basketballs, and, as one of the top designers of the noble chair commented, "...the SWEAT off our backs." (Michael concealed his disgust, but upon a visit to the Unites States to negotiate trade relations with President Bush, made sure to take a 3-day long bath in bleached water. The results were serious, as he had to undergo a few plastic surgeries regarding the fix of his loss of skin color. His friends said that if he ever came back to playing basketball in the state that he was in, they would throw him back in the south to his great grandfather's ranch; Thus, the first retirement, in an attempt to heal from all the procedures.) Michael was then invited to watch a basketball game of two local Jordanian high-school teams. Michael was so embarrassed by the atrocity of their game-play, that he instantly banished the practice of basketball in the country and the surrounding countries. The act of the breaking of this law would be fatal, and, as a direct quote from Michael himself during a world-press conference, he would "slam dunk yo country back to the stone-age." The threat was fearsome, and, as some locals have reported, highly effective, psychologically. Michael Jordan soon gave up his rule as "His Airness" to become highly involved in golf. (Quote anonymously: "I swear, if that ****** *** ***** ******* ***** **** takes away my ******* rank I will ***** my **** stick so far up his *** that he's be sorry he banned Basketball in Jordan. That West-Coast ************. The East's gunna bring the heat on, ******.") Jordan has recently been passed down to his son, Jeffrey Michael. The results of this are still unknown, as it will take some time for the Jordanians to get used to Jeffrey; they say Michael was their most inspiring ruler yet.
Agriculture in Jordan
Since the extinction of foxes (except the surprisingly intelligent artist fox that dwells in the icy wastes of Mauritania) in 1972, the sole purpose of farming has been to supply unspecified sheep parts to the aristocracy of Jordan, where they are considered a delicacy. (See: Farming)
Major Urban Centers and Geographic Land Marks
- Agrabah - the famous city of Disney's Alladin
- Amman, The capital of Jordan; a city which is in territory hotly contested by the Palestinians
- The Dead Tea (See: Tea) A lake on the border of Israel , Palestine, and Jordan filled with incredibly salty tea.
- A huge mountain has been erected in the middle of the capital of Jordan. There is word that Jeffrey Michael plans on naming it Mount Jeffrey, from which he will rule Jordan like a pharaoh, for eternity.
- A huge statue made of basketballs, sweat, and basketball shoes is said to be under construction in memory of their greatest ruler, Michael Jordan.
Tourists in Jordan
- Backpackers should be wary in Downtown where Angelina Jolie (president of Malaysia/ professional whale masseur) is often seen wondering around the 1st circle, looking for babies to adopt and name ridicuously, whilst screaming "[email protected]#k you, Aniston!"
- Tourists can enjoy local delicacies, served in quaint restaurants such as Popeyes, Burger King and KFC. Although popular, the forementioned eateries are staffed by dishevlled "mashnoon" and as a result, these eateries often resemble scenes from Jurassic Park. Therefore, encounters with these places are delicious but can deadly, as hungry families waiting for their orders have been known to eat the customers around them. Hey, as long as it's not pork, right?!
Prominent Families of Jordan
- McHaggis -- The Clan McHaggis homelands, since the 12th century, can be traced to the lands around Haggishire, Scotland. However, there was also a branch of the clan associated with the Middle Eastern country of Jordan. This connection goes back in ancient history, and is a result of a long drinking binge and a dare.
There has been a predominant appearance of the Michal Jordan clan, known throughout the world for banning Basketball in Jordan. Thus, there was a recent observation of the emergence of the anti-Michael Jordan clan in Jordan, supporting the return of Basketball, and an anti-Michael-Jordan clan in the United States, protesting his involvement in golf, that was started by the people of Jordan.
- Ordioni Family :- With its leader (Don Qteishato) and its consultant (Rehanato) also known as Jordan Hero as mentioned earlier. Rehanato is known for being the world leader in drug dealing with omar dweik the big cheeks guy.
There are six kinds of Jordan. One is the hashemite kingdom of Jordan, and is in the middle east - whenever things start kicking off a bit, Jordan immediately goes off and gets a teacher. Then releases a press statement saying "yeah, we saw the whole thing, couldn't believe it." Then sits smugly as everybody else gets a kicking.
The second is a British woman, occasionally known as Katie Price, noted for the largeness of her (ever increasing) great big hooters and very distinct lack of talent, who had in more recent years threatened to represent Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest in tight PVC outfit while heavily pregnant. She was been offered upwards of twenty million pounds not to take part. She is also noted for shaving years off her her actual age. She is currently still pretending to be in her late twenties, when in reality she is in her mid fifties.
The third kind of Jordan is a river in Israel, and there's not much to say about that, except that its real name is Katie Price and it's married to a cage fighter.
The fourth kind of Jordan is a type of sugar-coated almond-based confection only found in movie theaters. This last type of Jordan is, on a pound-for-pound basis, more valuable than uranium.
The fifth Jordan, is the amazingness by Buckethead. He composed this song to spite all those who make fun of his bucket. After he finished it, no one was left standing for all the heads in the audience had imploded.
The sixth Jordan is from a small town in West Virginia, and is credited with destroying Chuck Norris in an all out battle to the death. Only to have Chuck Norris raise from the dead and smack him saying, "Fool, you can't kill me!"
Well it was thought that there were only six kinds of Jordan, however there was a SEVENTH found in a small town in Canada, which is located somewhere north of Mexico. It is this Jordan who should be credited for the creation of everything in the world. Including Chuck Norris. Who is of no match to his modified Tatsumaki Senpuukyaku. HADOUKEN!!!
The name of the country is said to be derived from the last name of the basket-ball legend, Michael Jordan, which means 'I pwn Tiger's ass at golf n' basketball.'
|Countries and territories of Asia|
|Euroasia||Armenia - Azerbaijan - Cyprus - Georgia - Japan-France - Russia - Turkey (the country, not the bird) - Lebanon|
|East Asia||People's Republic of China - Hong Kong - Japan - Kansai Republic - Korea (north) (south) (pick 'em) - Macau - Mongolia - Taiwan (Republic of Taiwan) - Tibet|
|Western Asia||Arabia - Bahrain - Iran - Iraq - Israel - Jordan - Kuwait - Oman - Palestine - Qatar - Saudi Arabia - Syria - United Arab Emirates - Wherethefuckistan - Yemen|
|Central Asia||Kazakhstan - Kyrgyzstan - Tajikistan - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - other-stan|
|South Asia||Afghanistan - Bangladesh - Bhutan - India - Maldives - Nepal - Pakistan - Sri Lanka|
|Southeast Asia||Cambodia - East Timor - Indonesia - Laos - Burma - Malaysia - Philippines - Singapore - Thailand - West Timor - Vietnam|
|Middle East Countries|
|Bahrain | Cyprus | Egypt | Iraq | Iran | Israel/Palestine | Jordan | Kuwait | Lebanon | Oman | Qatar | Saudi Arabia | Syria | Turkey | United Arab Emirates | Yemen | The United States of Arabia|