Juan Valdez

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An iconic worldwide industrialist known for liberating coffee beans, Juan Valdez founded the Banana Republic and is widely believed to have invented the chimichanga.

Juan thing after another[edit]

Juan Valdez is famous for his advocacy of travelling by aid of donkeys.

He was born in the foreign country of San Diego in 1956 where he proceeded to find his mark in shady dealings in the Colombian by growing Marijuana. After achieving substantial wealth and notoriety he then wrote his Tienda De Café manifesto which became the blueprint for StarBucks, bean roasters (most notably French) and the Wu-Tang Clan.

Juan Valdez's ruthlessness became legendary after he assassinated Christopher Columbus to obtain dictatorial control over the tiny drug-producing nation of Colombia.

Juan Valdez met a tragic end when his gallant oil tanker, the Valdez, crashed into an cotton candy vendor off the coast of Alaska in 1989, leaking 10,000 tons of coffee grounds into the ocean and killing thousands of penguins, polar bears, sea turtles and eskimos.

See also[edit]