Judgement Day

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“It takes place in 1997... No wait, 2003... Maybe it's 2009 or 2012, I dunno...”

~ James Cameron on Judgment Day
Screenshot from the 2008 release.

Judgment Day (6th January 2008) took place during the Australia v India test match at Sydney. On that fateful day, three Nuclear bombs were dropped by Micheal Clarke, one by Mark Benson and one by Steve Bucknor, which lead to the destruction of the Australian cricket team and the city of Sydney.


Australian trashed India at Melbourne during Boxing Day test. India headed into Sydney as underdogs hungry for revenge. In an effort to win the Sydney test and level the series 1-1, a group of computer engineers led by Anil Kumble decided to create an artificial intelligence program called Skynet which would help the Indian team record its first ever win against Australia in 125 years. How exactly the computer would help the Indians win against the mighty Aussies is still a secret kept confidential by the Central Intelligence Agency of the U.S. government (also known as BCCI).

Progress of Play[edit]

Indian monkey terminators as featured in the next Bollywood feature film 'Currienator 4.

India began the battle sending their first batch of terminators headed by the T-1000 called R.P. Singh (played by actor Robert Patrick) to attack the Aussies. The Indians were successful initially when they reduced Australia to 134/6. Soon afterwards, they discovered a flaw in the Skynet program, when it didn't tell them how to combat against the umpires (who were actually enemy terminators deployed by Cricket Australia). The Indians then sent another terminator to destroy John Connor's father, Kyle Reese (played by the monkey Andrew Symonds) in 1984 when Symonds was batting on 30. It failed. The Indians tried again in 1991, and it failed again when enemy Terminator Steve Bucknor did not refer a stumping call to the third umpire. Finally, after a long time, the sexy Terminatrix successfully floored the Aussies in 2004, but not before they had managed to put up a 1st innings score of 463.

A'll Be Back[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Judgement Day.

India had a poor start to their 1st innings when James Cameron refused to direct their new movie. Eventually a man called Jonathan Mostow (played by VVS Laxman) came to their rescue, by scoring a century, but it involved a budget of 187 million dollars, and the movie wasn't as successful as its predecessor.

Eventually the producers managed to recover the money when the Indian tailenders combined with Sachin Tendulkar to launch a fightback and stretch their score to 532, and Tendulkar finally scoring a century after getting out 4375 times previously in the 90s. A lot of monkey business occurred around this time. Bhajji aka 'Sikh Turbanator Series 800 Model T-101' patted Brett Lee on the ass and said 'Nice pair of balls you got there, mate'. Lee's life partner, Symonds a.k.a Roy became jealous and confronted Bhajji which led to the Sydney fiasco.

Roy and Bhajji - Bhajji is still playing while 'Roy' is now just playing with himself.

The Turbanator was believed to have been captured by tech-com soldier Mahendra Singh Dhoni in 2029 and re-programmed and sent back in time to target Australian cricketer Andrew Symonds, father of John Connor, by calling him the words "Teri Maaki..". Symonds, who doesn't understand retard, thought Bhajji was saying You big Monkey. A confused Symmo went and asked Haydos ,Monkey?. To which Haydos got angry and went to Bhajji and said Hey Mate. It's a racial vilification mate. It's a shit word mate. You know it mate. You are in trouble mate.

Controversy Galore!

The case was referred to the match referee who thought that the incident could be used as an inspiration to write a story for Sarah Connor Chronicles, and banned Bhajji for 3 matches so he could go and play the role of 'Cromartie' for a few episodes. The Indian team and BCCI were furious because they had lost a very good terminator to the enemy and threatened to sue everyone involved in the controversy including Cricket Australia, Mario Kassar, Nine Network and Ponting himself.

On the final day, when Indians were cruising towards what appeared to be a safe hideout in a shit hole in South Mexico, they were stopped abruptly in their path by Mark Benson, who thought it would be fitting for Ricky Ponting to get a fleeting experience on how it would like to be an umpire, as Ponting had just mentioned to Benson in the team hotel the previous night, that his career in the Australian team was in shambles, and he needed other job options like umpiring to continue his life smoothly after he was sacked.

Enter the Gangulies[edit]

SCG was nuked.

After Robert, it was Dravid's turn to face the music, when the blind and deaf Bucknor auditory senses were suddenly reversed and he somehow detected a non-existent edge from Dravid's bat, after ignoring millions of edges from Symonds earlier. Gilly appealed, Bucknor asked Jammy to get lost, and from there it was pretty much downhill for Indians.

Things got pretty messy when the Dhoni-Kumble combo tried hard to replicate the achievements of the Kassar-Vajna partnership, but failed. It was around this time when Brad Hogg discovered that the word bastard might cause Skynet to become self-aware and Indian terminators to commence self-termination.

Eventually, the Indian team suffered the final blow when it was nuked with 3 nuclear warheads by Micheal Clarke in the second last over of the match. John Connor and his future wife reached the system core, only to discover that they were 7 minutes late and the city of Sydney had been destroyed.



WordGirl did survive, though.

After 3 billion human lives were destroyed on that fateful day, a group of Indian soldiers began to regroup, and convinced the producers to fund a project called 'Terminator Salvation : The Future Begins". The movie was to be directed by McG (full form is Mahendra Singh Dhoni, not Melbourne Cricket Ground).

Indians had the last laugh

Meanwhile, the Indians made a successful breakthrough at the Battle of Perth, when they discovered a serious flaw in the Aussie team in the form of a failed terminator called Shaun Tait(who temporarily retired after the match citing mental stress was last seen getting treatment for bed wetting), and managed to screw his microchip and grab a victory by 72 runs.

It wasn't until the finals of the CB Series, that Dhoni and his men managed to penetrate enemy headquarters at Sydney and destroy them by 6 wickets and soon after destroyed the System core at the Gabba by 9 runs thereby destroying the entire Australia and winning the last ever tri-series finals to be fought on Australian soil. And some terminators or something....

See Also[edit]