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- 1491 – A cave painting is discovered which would later be the inspiration for the movie Opiate of the Molasses.
- 1567 – Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow. Doctors amazed at how it stayed so clean while she gave birth to it.
- 1920 – First solar-powered air balloon launched at night.
- 1926 – First refrigerator invented. Originally marketed for killing people slowly and coldly.
- 1927 – Scientists decide it is better to use a refrigerator to keep food cold.
- 1940 – The team of scientists at Los Alamos begin work on the Manhattan Project. They construct the world's first nuclear weapons after the US government's promise to only use them for peaceful nuclear bombings.
- 1954 - Exactly 100 years to the day that Charles Darwin finished penning the The Origin of Species rough draft. The lapsing of 100 years' time is called into question due to missing transitional forms.
- 1969 – Sex is created. However, scientists do not think it will be a big hit.
- 1988 – The VHS video entitled Steal This Movie becomes the world's most widely stolen merchandise. Politicians baffled.
- 1993 – The case of Pot v. Kettle goes to the Supreme Court.
- 2000 – That one movie comes to DVD. Nobody buys it.
- 2003 – Open-Heart Surgery for Dummies notches its record breaking 500th lawsuit.
- 2005 – Uncyclopedia editor Savethemooses is murdered by a gang of angry colleagues, allegedly upset over Mooses' inflated ego.
- 2005 – On this Moose Conservation Day, nothing moose-related is mentioned.
- 2009 – George Lucas changes history to make it look like <insert name here> got a shot in first. Fans of <insert name here> outraged.