Kakuzu

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Kakuzu is one crafty ninja at stealing pennies out of people's pockets without them noticing. Too bad we have to see the arms eck!

“He's so cheap! I accidently dropped a penny and the guy tackles me from behind, picks it up from the ground, and runs off!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Kakuzu

“Now he's my kind of guy”

~ Mr. Krabs on Kakuzu

“A nobel man of great Honor and Class a man whom I respect greatly. Now are ya just gonna stand there or are you gonna order there is a standin fee! ”

~ Mr. Krabs on Kakuzu

“Seriously, if I threw a nickle off a building, the guy would jump after it”

~ Hidan on His partner Kakuzu

“Hidan, I'm an eighty's guy. that means that for two bucks I would beat yo with a cue stick until you have detached retinas”

~ Kakuzu on How much he cares about his partner

“Bet he's got some sweet boot-legs under that jacket”

~ Shino on Kakuzu

“How Can You People Look At This Ugly Motha-Fucka?! He Makes Me Want To Throw Up On Him !!!!! Fuck !”

~ Hidan on Kakuzu


Kakuzu (Spanish for "Ugly Poop Oozer") is a member of the crimminal organization Akatsuki. He is Jewish, evident for his love for money and is very greedy. He also happens to be a champion knitter and his best work is himself in which he is a living rag doll. He sews on animal heads on the back of his body and stores his extra jars of coins in them. He keeps his face a mystery since he's robbed many charity organizations. Some say that his glowing green eyes are that way because his diet consists of dollars and coins.

Past[edit]

Kakuzu just saw some one drop some money...Run!!!!!

Kakuzu, was born in the Village Hidden in the Waterfall. Obviously a rich ass nation, Kakuzu was introduced to money as young as 1 years old. By the time he entered school, he already began to go on 10 minute searches for coins in the playground and beat up poor defenseless, pussy kids for their lunch money.

Kakuzu believed that everything in life had a price, thus anything at all could be sold if the price was right.

Of course, with large sums of money, comes great paranoia. Eventually, Kakuzu decided to stuff most of his life's savings into his body and had his body sown back together. It was through this opertation that he was able to manipulate the multiple threads that kept his body together. Creepy...

Kakuzu then began a life as a bounty hunter and nab the highest priced bounties. Of course, he eventually dropped out once an even greedier bounty hunter named Boba Fett kept taking his spotlight. Soon after Kakuzu laid low for a while, he took up the glorious profession of stealing money from elderly people.

In Akatsuki[edit]

Eventually, Kakuzu was approached by Akatsuki leader Pein to join the organization with the promise of mountains full of cash. Immediatly, Kakuzu agreed and his journey to becoming the wealthiest man alive began.

Several years later, he was assigned to be Akatsuki's newest member and foul mouthed religious gangster, Hidan's partner. Kakuzu was reluctant at first knowing that he valued money over life itself and wouldn't think twice over saving a nickel over his partner's life. Of course, after realizing Hidan was immortal, Kakuzu agreed. The two would have many exciting adventures that were filled with robbing convinent stores, profanity, greed, and bagel breaks.

Witness to Hidan's Power[edit]

Kakuzu and Hidan made their way to Konoha in hopes to start some trouble. While Hidan went off to find someone to freestyle against, Kakuzu had more important matters at hand; like taking loose change from the local fountain. After spending some time knitting more money bags for his change, Kakuzu made haste to help his partner whom had just finished off Konoha's resident gangster, Asuma The two fled off in fear. The two laid low for a little while until either the town stopped mourning over Asuma's death, or the people threw more coins in the local fountain.

Fight with Naruto and Downfall[edit]

After a little while, the two made their way back to Konoha. However, before they reached the city limits, they were ambushed by Shikamaru, Choji, Ino, and Kakashi. While Hidan stood around just cursing the group, Kakuzu got attacked by a cheap blow from Kakashi. This in turn destroyed one of the money jars that kept Kakuzu alive. Pissed that spare change was on the floor, Kakuzu kicked Kakashi aside and decided it was time to go all out.

Kakuzu proceeded to removed his Akatsuki robe (which always means certain death for any member that removes it) which showed his bare arms all stiched up and stuff (gross). Of course, his fangirls (wait, KAKUZU has fangirls? Wow...just wow) found him to be more appealing without his robe. Kakuzu then proceeded to have the other three animal heads rip off his back and attack the others.

Then when all hope seemed lost, Naruto and company arrived at the scene to help. Kakuzu then proceeded to take of his turban and mouthpiece to reveal a quite hideous face. He then began to have his threads attack the fox boy. Of course, Naruto was charging up his Rasengan and none of Kakuzu's cheap attack were working. Finally, Naruto launched the Rasengan Shuriken and destroyed the greedy man's money jars.

Weakened and dying, Kakuzu used his last amount of strength to pick up all the spare change that was all over the ground. As Kakashi readied to step on the money doll's head, Kakuzu uttered his last words "THE MONEY IS MINE! YOU HEAR ME?!? ALL MINE!". After that, Kakashi turned Kakuzu's head into mush.

Aftermath[edit]

Kakuzu's spirit makes his current living afterlife by haunting people for others; for the right price that is!

Kakuzu stated that the biggest nightmare ever would be to have his money donated to charity. Hillariously, his money was collected by various charity organizations and was used to help feed people in need and give people new homes.

Kakuzu's spirit now wanders sadly around the outskirts of Konoha with his new friend equally cheap ghost friends Jacob Marley and Mr. Krabbs.

Personality and Abilities[edit]

Seriously, I don't think you need to be reminded about what kind of guy Kakuzu is. Well just to refreshen your memory, the guy is cheap. Seriously, you chain his arms to a wall and drop a single nickle on the floor and he will literally bite his own arms off just to get that coin you just dropped. Of course, Kakuzu does have his peaceful days. He always goes to Synagogue (every Sunday :D), enjoys a good bagel and matzah ball soup here and there, and he's a champion horah dancer. Yep, he's one Jew of a Jew man

Ability wise, Kakuzu has control over money. He also incorporate his master knitting skills into his jutsu. Using the threads, Kakuzu can secretly use the threads to steal his opponent's wallet without him knowing it as well as rape ur mom. He can also summon his animal headed money jars to assist him in battle.

Trivia[edit]

  • Kakuzu's name in Roman means "Freakus Cheapus"
  • Kakuzu has ranks rather highly on Entertainment Magazine's Yearly Top Ten Jews of Hollywood. He ranked #1 twice (for both 2007 and 2008), but fell to #2 in 2009 losing his place to Sean Penn.
  • Kakuzu has been mistaken for a terrorist on several occasions (mostly because of his turban and mouth piece), but he has been pardoned everytime after his Jewish background becomes apparent (everyone knows dem Jews and Arabs hate eachI will tell you what kind of girl he likes. He likes bernets in hair colour just like him self he loves girls with atatude also loves girls that are from the Uchihia clan well because they probley have fire tecknets so he thinks there really hot.oh yes one more thing he loves girls that start with the letter T and end with a.

See also[edit]