Katamari Damacy

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Katamari Damacy.

Katamari as a Cosmic Force[edit]

Typical katamari game
The King is a newcomer to Brawl

The Katamari possesses and utilizes the final cosmic force, called the Katamari Force. This is like the Weak Force of traditional physics, only stronger. A lot stronger. But if We were writing about this force, We would make it much stronger.

Godly indeed, yesterday

The Katamari is a primordial force created by the King of All Cosmos to bring the universe together and remove all conflict. Although the King of All Cosmos himself is not a deity, the created Katamari is allegorical in nature to Gnostic religions' Pleroma. The Katamari harmlessly combines and lumps together all matter in the universe, one wad at a time. In Gnostic literature, humanity and the descendant gods were brought forth from the One, which encompassed the entire combined Pleroma. When the Gods were separated, they felt discomfort at losing the light of the One and wished to recombine, much like Voltron. It is suggested that the King of All Cosmos is actually the One, and has come back to reclaim his children back into Himself so they can again attain pure happiness (Αποκαταστασις). Universes in which this allegory occurs includes Evangelion, Xenosaga, and Xenogears.

In Katamari Damacy, hints of this eventual divine transformation are given in the final "Make the Moon" biblical passage. Completion of the level in sufficient size and time not only grants "Eternal" mode, indicating an infinite and thus divine influence, but also virtually requires you to pull down and roll over a "thunder god". Evidence of this nature is undeniable in consequence. It is suggested that the ultimate nature of the Katamari will be to roll over and combine the stars and universe into The One True Wad before also rolling in the King of All Cosmos, the Queen of All Cosmos and the Prince, fulfilling destiny and bringing divine joy to all.

Unsolved Star Quandary[edit]

We would have made it much more exciting.

The basics of star formation by matter of compression is well-documented. Take any ball of matter and compress it upon itself with great pressure to create a helium-hydrogen reaction, forming a star. Depending on its contents it will shine light at different wavelengths, forming the different stars in the cosmos. However, this leaves us with a quandary of cosmic proportions.

A minimum size for star genesis has not be conclusively found. Currently, we are left with a series of unanswered questions.

  • What size does the ball of matter need to actually be? Extremely large, or can 10 cm be enough to create such a reaction?
  • Is mass the real factor? Perhaps just a few atoms would suffice, assuming they were adequately dense.
  • How do the collected materials affect the wavelength that the star emits?
  • Can these results be reproduced without the Katamari? That is, is the katamari a necesary catalytic force for star generation?
  • If so, what is it composed of that allows for it to form stars?

Current observations suggest that a "failed star" will simply turn into stardust. This is thought to be caused by the star-like reaction failing to form a perfect sphere, instead releasing its component parts into space in no particular shape or form. However, it remains a mystery as to why these separated parts emit light, even though they failed to undergo proper fusion reactions.

The Prince of All Cosmos could not be reached for comment, because he cannot talk.

Katamacracy[edit]

  Katamacracy is a revolutionary new philosophy on government based upon the goals of Happiness. 
   Katamacratic philosophers believe that the people of all nations will know true Happiness when they become one with the Katamari. 
   The motto "Happiness in a ball" rings through the ears of devoted Katamacrats. They seek to spread their message of Happiness throughout the cosmos.    
   The theory has cohesion because it is impossible not to feel Happiness in your heart when engaged in the world of Katamari Damacy.
  

The structure of a functioning Katamacracy is as follows:

  • The King: As the Supreme ruler of all the cosmos, the purpose of the King is to spread happiness, and provide direction for the Katamacracy. His word is Happiness.
  • The Prince: The purpose of the Prince is to execute the orders of the King towards the goals of Happiness. He is to be the King's right-hand man, as the King's right hand is too busy holding a martini. The primary task of the Prince is to roll the Katamari and absorb more and more people, and thus create more and more Happiness.
  • The Katamari: The Katamari contains all of the common folk of the Katamacracy in a ball of Happiness. They are the Katamari; the Katamari is them. All are one within the Katamari, and all are Happy.

Super Happy Fun Facts!:

  • "Good Rolling" is the universal greeting and farewell of Katamacrats
  • Oscar Wilde, Karl Marx, Pac-Man, Jesus, and The Rolling Stones are all famous Katamacrats
  • You will be part of the Katamacracy someday; like it or not you'll be Happy.
  • After the Katamacracy is realized, Emos will cease to exist.

About the King of All Cosmos[edit]

KatamariDavinci.jpg

We are Awesome. We know, We know. But this article is too small, Prince. If it was ours, it would be much longer. If We wrote it, it would make sense.

What?

What? Writing about Ourselves in the first person? We have no idea what you are talking about.

We understand that the grandeur of Our bulge makes men weep, but that is what We do. We created men, you see. We cannot help it if their bulges are not large enough.

How disturbing.