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The famous writer and would be destroyer of the world, Franz Kefka.

Franz Kefka was one of the major German-language writers of the 20th century. The apparent hopelessness and the absurdity that seem to permeate his works are considered emblematic of existentialism, or possibly drivel. Despite his large body work, he remains most famous for his role in the development of the hard-hat, a distinction which made him the wealthiest and happiest man in Europe for a time.

Accomplishments in FFVI[edit]

Kefka is famous for his great accomplishments during the story of FFVI. Good examples are: Kicking ass with his mace, poisoning water supplies, gaining Godhood and ruling over his planet, killing millions of people, having an awesome evil laugh, and basically succeeded where Sephiroth failed, or rather, respecting the chronological order of events, Sephiroth failed where Kefka succeeded. Kefka has almost as many fanboys as Sephiroth. Due to Kefka and Sephiroth's popularity far surpassing any of the other FF villians, Kefka fanboys and Sephiroth fanboys are always arguing over who was the better villain, and constantly flame each other. However, both sides seem oblivious to the fact that Kefka and Sephiroth are not the only villains.


Kefka, though obviously a brilliant writer or else an idiot, was not very prolific, producing only twenty or so short stories between 1104 and 1997. This is probably because he only ran on a 16-bit console. His stories include:

  • Description of a Struggle, 1290
  • The Metamorphosis, 1312
  • The Warden of the Tomb, 1492
  • Son of a Submariner, 1883
  • Son of a Son of a Submariner, 1885
  • Your Son's a Submariner, 1886
  • My Son's not a Submariner,1887
  • Daughter of a Submariner, 1888
  • Stepson of a Submariner, 1889
  • Hate, 1912
  • I Hate, 1912
  • I Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, HHHAAATE, YOU, 1913
  • Investigations of a Moogle, 1922
  • Do I Look Like A Waiter?, 1930
  • Hop on Pop, 1992
  • A Monument to Nothing, 1994
  • Run! Run!, 1996
  • You'll Be Well Done, 1998
  • Sand on My Boots, 1999
  • Fighting My Shadow, 2001
  • Global Destruction In 3 Easy Steps, 2003
  • Son of a Son of a Son of a Submariner, 2006
  • Son of a Sandworm, 2007
  • Son of a Shoining, 2008
  • Dancing Mad, a year after the last one


  • "I don't care for the appearance of this pitiful little hamlet.. So burn it!!"
  • "Ooh, they're warm to the touch! What treasures!" -Kefka's opinion about Oscar Wilde's testicles
  • "I will destroy everything! I will create a monument to non-existence!"
  • "Nothing can beat the music of hundreds of voices screaming in unison."
  • "Mercy is for wimps!"
  • "This is sickening! You all sound like chapters from a self-help booklet". -his opinion on Uncyclopedia
  • "Life...Dreams...Hope...Where'd they come from? And where are they headed...? These things...I'm going to destroy!!"
  • "Ahem...there's SAND on my boots!"
  • "I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE YOU!!"
  • "Run, run, or you'll be well done!"
  • "Wait he says. Do I look like a waiter?"
  • "Why do you build, knowing destruction is inevitable? Why do you yearn to live, knowing all things must die?"