Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball

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What is Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball?[edit]

Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball, despite the title about baseball, is actually a charity event held in Cleveland by LeBron James, Ken Griffey Jr. himself, and other famous people of the city. Also, the event is somehow endorsed by the WWE and the United Spades of Amerika People have to have two cows to enter, and the only man that has entered the charity was none other than evil underlord Fred Phelps.

This is ready for 2008, prior to the latter statement

Events of Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball[edit]

This event occurs every year, from the first Friday of March and ends on the first Sunday of March.

This is the schedule for all three days:

  • 11:00 AM - meet the people behind the charaty, and even watch your favorite movie for free! It's kind of stupid though, because it's actually a list of weapons that don't exist, but should.
  • 12:00 PM - lunch, full of cheese, Mark Twain impersonators, and even learn about mastering Nihilism.
  • 1:00 PM - watch a marathon of Animaniacs, great for the kids! But be careful, John Elway's ghost has been rumored to haunt people, causing them to watch marathons of the Super Bowl.
  • 2:00 PM - live auction of crack from around the world, must be 18 and have a legal license to do this or go to jail.
  • 3:00 PM - your chance to see Alicia Keys in person and in public. You must hear her appeal for Keep a Child Alive and hear her sing.
  • 4:00 PM - go inside the pool hall and choose your fate. Steve Ballmer will Fucking Kill you, Patrick Duffy's disembodied head will shoot you with lasers and eat you, or being attacked by Cthulhu.
  • 5:00 PM - inside at the ballroom, you will encounter trivia night and more live auction. How they keep this is a mystery.
  • 6:00 PM - this used to be the slave auction time. This was banned after Your mom and Your Dad bragged about how ungodly this was.
  • 7:00 PM - closing ceremonies, and you can get an autograph LeBron James and Ken Griffey Jr. there. Too bad a lot of people say this charity sucks, as it goes toward the United Spades of Amerika.

Where is this charity held?[edit]

It drives people Bat Fuck Insane to ask this. It's held in a Pizza Hut nearby a McDonald's nearby a...where was it now? UPDATE: It is found in the Walkway to Gateway, an underground pedestrian passageway from Tower City Center, a shopping mall, to Quicken Loans Arena, which is actually in Cleveland, not Cincinatti.

Attendance for KGJPMLB[edit]

  • 1996: 0.01% (Fred Phelps was the only one there)
  • 1997: 13.0%
  • 1998: 12.8%
  • 1999: 6.9%
  • 2000: 11.7%
  • 2001: 13.4%
  • 2002: 14.5%
  • 2003: 15.3%
  • 2004: 1.7% - this was because of Patrick Duffy going crazy and killed many people there, so this may be an inaccurate portion.
  • 2005: 3.6%
  • 2006: 41.3% - this must have been a one-year fluke, as nobody was actually around
  • 2007: 12.5%

Closing remarks[edit]

Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball is a failure of a charity, according to most Clevelandians, and it may not be around for 2008 because of how much controversy it caused. Avoid it lest you like being bored to death like most charity events. Oh, and their food sucks too. They were rumored to serve Rocky Mountain Oysters.

In news, they are going to have this charity for 2008, but a new system: safe for kids, not safe for kids, and even a special section for emos. This charity has stirred a lot of controversy. According to one LiveJournal user...

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  • omg u suk lebron james and ken griffy jr for kiling my girlfriend now ill slit my wrists. - EmoDennis from Cincinnati, Ohio.