Kenny G

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“Kenny G shits on Louis Armstrong's grave and shits on all of jazz music. He should not be allowed to make so much shit.”

~ Pat Metheny

“"Hey man, just calm down. No need to swear at me like that"”

~ A cool sax playah on saying "Kenny G"

Kenny G (real name Kenneth G) is an American shame to the saxaphone. Known for his musical crap and great sandwiches, his shit extends well beyond jazz into the realms of musique concrete and folktronica.

Early Career (Baroque Period)[edit]

Kenny G was born in Washington DC in 1956. As with most jazzers, it was the experience of being abused as a child which drove him to take up the saxifrage at the age of 14. he was such a shitty sax player that he wasnt even accepted into his highschool's jazz band. He had his first professional gig with Count Basie's band playing sixth baritone and making the tea. Count Basie then kicked his ass off the bandstand because he was so shitty.

Middle Career (Romantic Period)[edit]

It was while playing with Basie's band that Kenny got his break. He was discovered by Miles Davis, who was high on cocaine at the time. Later, Miles said, "What the fuck is this guy doing in my band?!!" G was criticised for his crappy approach and for having the devil's curly hair, but was soon accepted as one of the most important shitaphonists of the time along with Chris Botti, Kermit the Frog, Journey, and Maddox.

Early Late Career (Blue Period)[edit]

This era saw G experimenting with longer solos with more space for nipping off to the bar. He became noted for his astounding range of out of tune notes less than one octave and ability to play more notes by growing more fingers and moving these fingers faster. This was dubbed by critic Ira Gitler to be 'shits of sound.' It must also be noted that when G discovered the phrase he was incredibly pleased saying, "I couldn't think of better words myself."

Late Late Career (Rose Period)[edit]

Kenny G


  • Kenny G (1983)
  • G Force (1985)
  • G Whiz (1987)
  • G String (1988)
  • G Unit (1990)
  • G Your Hair Smells Terrific (1997)

WARNING: The above albums are Schedule III controlled substances in the United States of America and may not be possessed without a doctor's prescription. May Will cause marked drowsiness. 83% less effective than Barry White albums for purposes of bow-chicka-wow-wow. May cause frothing of mouth to cheesiness. The following Kenny G album is available over the counter:

  • G Olde Curiousitie Shoppe (2000)