Kevin Costner

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Costner's follow up to the moderately successful Dances with Wolves was not the big hit that Hollywood Producers had being hoping for.....
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kevin Costner.

Kevin Costner (1612-2053) was a man who made one okay film and made a career of them. Then he made Waterworld. Then he made The Postman. We vowed never to forgive him. He died a penniless chaplain. A little know fact: His mother, Mary Costner, is actually your momma!

Kevin was recently diagnosed with bullshititus, a tragically incurable condition that causes sufferers to believe their own hype. Symptoms include being boring on chat shows. Tom Cruise is believed to also be suffering from this chronic disease.

Kevin starred in and directed Dances With Wolves. To prepare for this role, it was recommended that he should dance with real wolves, preferably in a confined space with no chance of escape. This was dismissed as being irrelevant to the film's content, although for those who have had to suffer endless Kevin Costner films this remains very much relevant. One Wolf even had an interview with ET (Entertainment Tonight) quoting "This guy can't Act! where was Alec Baldwin when you need him??"

Fortunately Kevin's face is no stranger to the cutting room floor. He played Alex, the troubled suicide in The Big Chill. Editor Carol Littleton reportedly received the Oscar based on that edit alone. Other non-roles [didn't] include Pepe, the fourth amigo, in Three Amigos and Scruffy, Miss Scarletts's lovable little leg humping hound in Gone With The Wind.

Kevin the Phrophet[edit]

His period of glory came, and between bathing with ducks and babbling on live TV, Kevin started a new philosophical concept that revolutionised the world as we know it - lameism. People were very enthusiastic about "lameism", a fad which lasted from the 20th to the 22nd century, later proven a disease spread by a virus called MTV. Kevin was full of it. He had the skill, the face, why even the look of a guy who knows what he wants in life -- to entertain. As the fad died out, his phrophecy of Waterworld came true in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Since theen his star has risen and keeps on rising.

Filmmakers of the World
Epic Visionaries

Michelangelo Antonioni | Ingmar Bergman | Peter Bogdanovich | Robert Bresson | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Francis Ford Coppola | Cecil B. De Mille | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | John Ford | D.W. Griffith | Alfred Hitchcock | Abbas Kiarostami | Sergio Leone | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | James Cameron | Akira Kurosawa

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Uwe Boll | Tim Burton | Ken Burns | John Carpenter | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Mel Gibson | Tom Green | Catherine Hardwicke | Spike Lee | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Michael Moore | Leonard Nimoy | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Joel Schumacher | M. Night Shyamalan | Alan Smithee | Oliver Stone | Billy Bob Thornton | Tommy Wiseau | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie | Nicholas Webster | Roger Corman | Ang Lee

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Sofia Coppola | Jean-Luc Godard | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Jerry Lewis | David Lynch | Rob Schneider | Lars von Trier

Highly Confusing in Japan

Milos Forman | Terry Gilliam | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Quentin Tarantino

Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro | Jared Hess

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

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