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“Take a byte out me!!”

~ Tiger Woods on byte

“We don't byte.”

~ Piranhas on byte

“Don't byte me!!!!!”

A measurement for the measurement of the weight (see: mass) of bytes.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Kilobyte.

Originally this was measured using the imperial unit of bytes per ounce, hence bounces, and was defined by the weight of pigs' trotters that an average man could hold in his mouth (or byte) whilst blindfolded. With the advent of the metric system, byte was redefined in terms of information. A byte is now defined as the weight of words that can be held in the human oral cavity under normal load bearing circumstances and this measurement has led to phrases popping up in the language like 'His words carry weight' and 'Talking a LOAD of crap'.

Interestingly, this measure of the weight of information has been taken on by the computing industry as a benchmark of the power of a given computer. For example, a Spectrum ZX 128k weighs twice as much as the 64k model. Obviously it goes faster but takes longer to gain momentum.

The coming of the Internet in modern times has seen a huge growth and increase in the revenue of postal delivery companies. These companies charge by weight and the greater capacity of the Internet means huge turnovers for them. However, there is an ever-growing crisis in this situation and the Internet infrastructure is becoming swamped under the increasing weight of information. If this is not remedied soon, the Internet will collapse. A recent, emergency meeting of the Bignobs and Leet Liberation Society (Balls for short) have recommended several solutions including:

1. Information over power lines (charged bytes being lighter than non-charged)

2. Plumbing the whole Internet into the sewerage systems of major cities across the globe. (pipelining)

A spokesperson for Balls was quoted in Vanity Fair recently as being heavily in favour of the latter. "By plugging (the Internet) into the sewerage system we would also have the added advantage of improving the quality of content found on it."

See also[edit]