Kiptown Upon Windsearching

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The City of Kiptown Upon Windsearching is the second city in The Haskodrome. Its relationship to the larger Weston Super-Mice, is similar to the relationship between Birmingham and London, in that the second city is considered inferior in almost every way to the capital, despite conveinently ignoring the fact that both cities are equally overpriced dumps, rampant with crime and full of simple minded ignorant proles, who deserve a bullet to the head.

The population of Kiptown Upon Windsearching is believed to be somewhere between sixteen and eleventy billion. Most citizens work as benefit claimants, or on the black market, with the remaining few languishing in prison.

Kiptown Upon Windsearching never set out to be a city, and was initially founded as a sewage works, after residents complained about chod mounting up on their floors. The original plan was for Sewage Inspectors to come round and shovel up the chod and take it to Kiptown, where it would be recycled into pastry for Pukka Pies. However due to the unreliability of the Sewage Inspectors actually bothering to turn up, many citizens found that moving to the sewage works was somewhat cleaner than staying in their homes, and so the City of Kiptown was born.

Former president, Beauno-el-Hadji sits in the Chairman's seat in the Kiptown Chamber Of Commerce

Famous Events[edit]

Kiptown is undoubtably most famous as the birthplace of Horace Export (New Haskodromia's Number One Beer ™), and the Horace Export Museum, founded in 1973 is without a doubt one of the most popular attractions in the city.

Kiptown's second proudest moment came in 1946, when the city was twinned with itself. Over sixty five million haskogroats were spent erecting a cardboard sign on the outskirts of the city which proclaimed "Welcome to Kiptown Upon Windsearching, twinned with Kiptown Upon Windsearching". The rest of the year was declared a public holiday, and the famous Kiptown Brass Rubbing Band played continuously for several weeks until their lungs eventually collapsed. The sign was unfortunately soaked with water twelve minutes after it was installed, due to a freak metological occurrence known as rain.

Fifteen years later, the city got another six lines on page sixty written about it, in The Haskodrome's Daily Newspaper The World Famous Haskodrome Telegraph Pole, after it was chosen by the government of the time, The Groo Party as the prime location to build a solid gold bridge to Vanvania, The Haskodrome's closest moon. Sadly the project ran hopelessly over budget, and was duly declared a failure, and the bridge never got even close to the moon, merely linking the market square with some nondescript bit of the sky, around twenty two feet above it.

Kiptown famously played host to the Haskodrome Summit (sponsored by Horace Export - New Haskodromia's Number One Beer ™) in 1994, where leading politicians, local dignitaries and other influential bastards held a conference to discuss the hopes, futures and problems of New Haskodromia. As with all of these events, nothing at all was achieved other than large sections of public money being frittered away. However 145 year old councillor Dennis Narenek declared it to be the "Best Ever Summit", due to the free Horace Export (New Haskodromia's Number One Beer ™), and live entertainment provided by Cannibal Corpse and World Snooker Champion 1991 John Parrot pocketing snooker balls in correct colour order deep into Samantha Fox's flange.

Visitors Guide[edit]

Visitors to modern Kiptown can be amazed at the wide range of facilities on offer such as the pavement nappy disposal service, half hourly sounding of the air raid siren by bored council workers, and the famous rhinoceros vending machine, located in the city's upper-middle class "Wank Street" area. Foxback is the preferred method of transport around the city, due to the trolleybus network being blown up for a laugh. The Kiptown Corner Shop is particularly worth a visit.

An interesting fact about Kiptown is that until 1991, it was illegal for residents to be sober whilst in possession of firearms, due to a minor spelling mistake being made, when the local byelaws were drafted some sixty years before.