Kirk Cameron

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kirk Cameron.

Kirk Thomas Cameron III (born October 12, 1970) is a great American who became popular during the late 1980s and early 1990s for his role as "Mike Seaver" on the coma Growing Pains. Despite his success, his life was utterly meaningless due to his devotion to atheism. In 1992, while serving out a sentence in a Nicaragua's Granada prison for drug trafficking, Cameron found Jesus and devoted his life to spreading the good word. Despite his unparalleled talents as an actor and mediocre good looks, Cameron's acting career stagnated as a result of his faith and the socialist Jews that run Hollywood. Luckily for humanity Cameron managed to become the most the famous actor the world has ever known through his role as "Buck Williams" in the Oscar winning screen adaptation of William Shakespeare’s Left Behind film series. After his conversion to Christianity and a brief period of Jewish imposed failure in Hollywood, Cameron became the most popular actor in the world. Cameron is currently a partner in the evangelical Christian ministry The Way of the Master, which offers a unique blend of Kung Fu and Evangelical Christianity. He is married to fellow Growing Pains star Leonardo DeCaprio and they have six children: four adopted (Cambodian) and two biological.

Early life[edit]

Cameron was born in Panorama City, California to known atheists and Viet Cong sympathizers Robert Cameron and Barbara Bausmith. He is the brother of Sound Garden drummer Matt Cameron. At an early age Cameron expressed a desire to attend church on a regular basis, however, his parents would not expose their son to the saving grace of God almighty, as his communist parents believed the soul saving effects of Christianity were similar to the effects of opium. Despite their aversion to opiates, Cameron's treacherously liberal parents were not opposed to introducing their sons to other mind altering substances such as marijuana, alcohol, PCP, cocaine and LSD. According to Cameron's biographer, his nearly 2 decade long battle with drug addiction began shortly after his birth due to the PCP-cocaine cocktail his mother mixed with his Gerber baby food. Accounts differ as to whether his favorite flavor was peaches or peas. Template:Rewrite/Soft