Klagenfurt

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Klagenfurt
Province: Carinthia
Size: 120 km²
Inhabitants: 5 old ladies and a cat
Postcode: 90210
Prefix: 555 - Clownstown
Mayor: Bruce Willis (Cool People With No Hair Party)
A statue of the mother dragon of Klagenfurt, spitting fear all over its subjects

Klagenfurt (English: Dragonville, Slovenian: Tsaylowatz) is the capital of the self-governed province of Carinthia, between Austria and Italy and is settled at some river which is too small to mention. Klagenfurt was first settled around the 12th century by the few morons who were too lazy to keep walking until they reached the warm climate of Italy.

Population[edit]

Klagenfurt is mainly populated by Dragons and bear-like Troll creatures, who work together in some kind of primitive hierarchy. There is no democracy in Klagenfurt so far, the city is governed by almighty black magicians, whose mission is to protect the mother dragon and its eggs. Rumour has it the mother dragon is non-existant anyway and the evil black magicians just use their power to drink enormous amounts of Klagenfurtian Beer and eat Kletzennoodles.

Geography[edit]

Klagenfurt is located next to the Lake Woerth, a lake which was reportedly made by a dwarf with a huge keg of water (and that is a true story!). Some scientists believe that the legendary Atlantis was settled where the lake is now, but most scientists say thats just rubbish and that if there had been an Atlantis, no one would have built it in an area where there is a mental dwarf with an enormous keg of water ready to flood the whole thing.
Aside from the lake there are just mountains, mountains and mountains, giving the whole area a claustrophobic air for anyone who wasn`t born there.

The city can be incredibly cold in winter, with temperatures around minus twenty degrees on the bitterly cold scale and 100% freezing your arse off. Paradoxically the inhabitants of the city seem to like the incredible coldness and use it as an excuse to drink litres of alcohol and get into a romantic mood. Apart from those crazy guys believing in Iceism, everybody else thinks it`s just fucking cold.

Weird Irregularities[edit]

The emblem of Klagenfurt next to the emblem of Ljubljana (a.k.a. parallel universe Klagenfurt). Coinkidink? Me no think!

In 1895 during the War of the Worlds, the explosion of the South Austrian Gulaschcanon created a wormhole right next to Klagenfurt which was a passage to a completely unknown parallel universe where the First Expedition Of Very Brave Men found a new town which was an exact copy of the original Klagenfurt, just a little bit warmer and with a bigger river.

After living with the natives for a few years they found out that the name of the mysterious town was Ljubljana, but due to verbal laziness they just called it "Parallel Universe Klagenfurt" or "Little Bit Less Cold Klagenfurt" and went back home to report their discovery to the mother dragon.

The dragon herself declared war on Ljubljana and the two sides fought an awful war for at least 25 years but stopped it after they had no more stones left to throw.
Since then the incredibly paranoid population of Klagenfurt has been trying to close the door with might and main. Scientists and philosophers all over the world are still trying to bring some peace to the shattered relationship between Klagenfurt and parallel universe Klagenfurt, but there is no compromise as yet.