Knight Watchman

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Knight Watchman is a dumb, homosexual version of Batman and one of the stars of Big Bang Comics, born in 1402.


The story of the Knight Watchman was documented by William Shakespeare in his ballad, Ode to a Randy Knight, written at a time when Knights were seen as sexual objects:

Twas morn o'er the town of Old New York,

When the Watchman of Knights, he doth born,

And though he was such a nerdy dork,

He'd become a star in the porn.

How Knight Watchman gained his abilities is unknown, but Knight Watchman is later documented as being a reserve member of the Knights of the Round Table to King Arthur.

Life as a Knight[edit]

As time passed, Knight Watchman grew used to the sexual arousement he caused on his travels. It almost came to a point where Knight Watchman was to be retitled Sir Watchman the Lustful by the Church as a result.

In battle, Knight Watchman proved a galliant fighter. Outside of his sexual crazes, he slew the fierce Chicken of Bristol in 1435, a feat that Sir Robin the Not-So-Brave had failed to do several years previously. Watchman also moved on to become a crusader at the Battle of Badin Hill and a victor at Hastings, though an arrow heading for him accidentally hit King Harold instead.


As time passed, England grew tired of using Knights in battle and went on to blow people up with cannons instead. Even the Peasants were now being sexually aroused more by clods of turd than by Knights. Knight Watchman attempted to combine his Knight past with the rise of the Superhero, but it failed to impress little.


For a long time, Knight Watchman remained a neurotic like Super Frankenstein, being able to rake in money by selling off square wheels for window frames, and his sexual cravings were limited only to cats.

But just as all seemed lost, Oscar Wilde established Big Bang Comics especially for second-rate superheroes to appear in pornographic tales. Knight Watchman signed up immediately and became the first star of Big Bang. As time passed, he became an actual superhero figure, ditching his Knight past in all but name.

More recently, Knight Watchman's adventures have been coated over by Ultiman, and has only been seen at Number #5 of the Randiest People Alive list, after Flesh Gordon and John Prescott.