Knitting needle

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Most commonly used in the sport of extreme knitting, knitting needles are banned in America since the unforgettable incident at the 2003 World Super Bowl, when one fell out of Janet Jackson's loosened bodice and fell to the ground, impaling Justin Timberlake's foot. Still, with the grannies of America unphased and unwilling to give up their favourite Sunday afternoon sport, the knitting needle blackmarket is booming. Though the FBI spends a large portion of its time and funding cracking down on this illegal trade, the knitting needle mafia always manages to keep one step ahead--the antics of which have inspired the two great modern filmatic masterpieces "The Grandmother" and "The Grandmother II".


Throughout the world knitting needles are used for many things, such as murder weapons for assassins, murder weapons for pirates and murder weapons for ninjas. Sometimes they are even used for knitting.

note: It is illegal to bring knitting needles onboard flights because they are sharp and pointy, and everyone knows most major airlines are run by vampires, who really don't like sharp and pointy things.

Janet Jackson[edit]

Many now suspect she is a ninja, an assassin or a pirate, or possibly a ninja pirate assasin, as evidenced by the knitting needle revealed in her loosened bodice. She denies all claims, and released the following statement early:

"I am not a ninja, I am a dancer."

The public reacted explosively to this statement, with many willing to take Janet's word on the issue, while for others it only raised concerns that she was actually a ninja dancer, a state of body control that even the shaolin buddhist monks have not achieved. Stuart Wilson wrote the following letter to the editor in The Sydney Morning Herald.

"Janet Jackson must be stopped, the world as we know it is in danger if she is indeed a ninja dancer. Ninja Dancer's can dance real good, and that would put someone like Justin Timberlake out of business for good, he's already suffered enough."

See Also[edit]