Kraft Dinner

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Diner Kraft Dinner!

Kraft Dinner™ (brought to You by the Good People at Kraft) is a delicious mixture of butter, milk, butter, 4 noodles and cheez that has been released onto the market with the intention of killing off the potatoly-challenged population. Just another example of Kraft doing its part in the world!

The Canadian takeover of Kraft Dinner[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kraft Dinner.

In 1802, General Mr Dressup of the Canadian "Syrup Comes Before Cheese" military declared war on the Kraft group, causing in a total loss of 10 crates of Kraft Dinner, but thanks to this, Kraft Dinner was now the official food of Canada, and since then Canadians have eaten Kraft Dinner with their maple syrup. In Canada, the only thing more celebrated than the bond with Kraft Dinner, is probably the creation of the poutine (french fries topped with cheese curds and gravy), that and Tim Horton's

Naive Albertans and Kraft Dinner[edit]

When North America was first penalized, crates and crates of "Ye Olde Krafte Dinner" were brought with the penalists. When contact with the Naives of this mystical, syrupy, land was made a trade system called "the truck" was established. "The Truck" stipulated that the good ol days would exchange one beaver pelt per nirvana t-shirt and 5 caribous for a satchel of what they called "the magical yellow powder". Sadly, the Naives lacked the enzyme to properly break down the cheese mix in Kraft Dinner and became hopeless addicted. One hip-hop group known only to history as the "Fromagonkins" became so addicted to Kraft Dinner that they attempted to swim to the source of all Kraft Dinner, the fiery Mount Cheese and were eaten by sea monsters. Because of this tragedy, a monument made out of Kraft Singles was created in 2000 B.C. to honour their loss. Also, this article looks like crap dinner.

Kraft Dinner In Sweden[edit]

After the Craft Dinner revolt in 2034 brought to you by the good people from Kraft. The now Kraft Swedens sent their country's antelope to try to win back the Dinners. Unfortunately they were already portioned into meal-sized portions and the Kraft Sweden's antelope was unable to subdue the good people from Kraft.

The Evil Safeway Alliance[edit]

The Safeway Alliance has decided to ban Kraft Dinner™, but do not fret, children, because Kraft has designed other ways of eliminating the useless and draining parts of the population: Swan Diving, and the new creation, Tasty paste, cheese flavored glue that only bonds to flesh.

Swan Diving[edit]

Swan diving involves strapping a duck to your head and flinging yourself off a tall building or cliff headfirst into a small bowlful of dehydrated cheez. Although no sane person would ever attempt such a stunt, we at Kraft hope that we can market the idea in a manner that would make it appealing to those with an IQ less than 75. Another Word for Swan Diving is Vacume whice comes from the latin word Dumbass

Get involved in your immunity![edit]

Kraft wants YOU to help out in the immunity cleansing effort. If you have influenza, bird flu, mad cow, or SARS, we recommend late trimester extortion to their parents, or if all else fails, Swan Diving. Alternatively, go to the "Welcome" sign undoubtedly posted at the entrance to your city and write "BIG starring Tom Hanks" over the words in spray paint.


Kraft Dinner is an inanimate object. It cannot form religious beliefs without your irreverance.

As a breathing apparatus/straw[edit]

Kraft Dinner is also very commonly used in Canada and through the Northeastern Uniter States as a straw, similar to how one would use licorice as a straw. Breathing through a single Kraft Dinner is also used as a way to simulate having an asthma attack. Because of its small opening, the lack of oxygen to the brain is similar in nature to that of having an asthma attack.

Suggested Uses[edit]

1 package of special KD, when combined with a ziploc full of free condoms from your local STD clinic = A great gift for easter.

The 12 Fundamental Cheeses
*Not to be confused with "Holey" Cheese
The 3 Noble Cheeses
*Also known as "Negative Cheese" or "Dark Dematta"