Kurt Busch

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Kurt Busch (1031-3059-3060)Born on October 31, 1031 in Porchesia is a NASCAR driver and child molester who sucks so much at racing he was once fired by 22 teams in one race just for driving too slow. He is the love child of Chewbacca and your mom. He also drove part time in Formula 1, but sucked at that even worse than NASCAR.

Racing career[edit]

Kurt began racing in Formula 1 when he was only 98 years old. He finished last in every race. When he was 99, he moved over to NASCAR. He became instantly famous for killing 59 fans in a spectacular crash that got him suspended for 59 years, one for each fan he killed. While he was suspended, he converted from radical Islam to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism and joined the Backstreet boys. On his return to NASCAR, he finished last in every race until he was again suspended from all forms of auto racing when everybody found out he was the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter. Kurt drove the #420 Westboro Baptist Church car for Racist Racing before being traded to the #666 Playboy car for White Power Motorsports. He is currently making a comeback in NASCAR, driving the #00007694 PETA car for Radical Muslim Race Team. In his first start on the comeback trail, he finished 42nd out of 43, a career record. He also drove in F1 part time for Thetan Grand Prix to replace an injured Cole Trickle for 5 races while he was in the hospital, finishing last in all 5 events. He is currently looking for a F1 ride, and may start his own team, depending on whether or not he can finish higher than last again, which is highly unlikely.

Lifestyle[edit]

Kurt has switched from homosexuality to heterosexuality and back to homosexuality. He has had many high- profile boyfriends over the years, such as Fred Phelps, C3PO, and Michael Jackson. He quit being gay so he could have a kid with Anna Nicole Smith and get all of her money, but after Mr. T killed Anna Nicole by making her listen to the Tamia song (Fallin' for You)until she shot herself, Kurt started being gay again. He also is a level 100 dungeon master in D&D and is in training to become a ninja. He was killed by Mt. T and had to stay dead for one full year as part of an initiation into the Freemasons. He is also a member of the KKK. He enjoys playing football, fishing, molesting young boys, and launching RPGs at random houses. Kurt is an avid Harry Potter fan and still lives with his mother. He also has a brother named Kyle Busch who is far better than he is at NASCAR racing and a secret boyfriend named Brad Keselowski.

Fashion[edit]

Kurt Busch wears frilly white granny panties with lots of lace in them. Also, he wears bras and nice flowered dresses. Kurt also shaves his legs frequently and paints his nails a nice pink color.

Charitable contributions[edit]

Kurt is a very generous person. He pledged a 999999999999999999999999 trillion Euro donation to NAMBLA over a 3 month period. He also is a heavy donater to the KKK, the Communist Party, the ACLU, and Fred Phelps's Westboro Baptist Church.

Controversies[edit]

Kurt has been a center of controversy since he was born. He was the last person born in Porchesia before the Porchesian Holocaust. More recently, he used the N-word on live TV 30 times in one sentence. He was angry because a black NASCAR driver named Samuel L. Motherfuckin Jackson wrecked him on the last lap while Busch was leading. The crash caused Busch to finish last while Jackson won. Busch apologized, but not before being bludgeoned with iron rods by angry NAACP members. Kurt was believed to have played the lead role in El Falo Grande es en El Asno Firmemente (The big penis is in the tight ass), the highest grossing Spanish-language gay porn movie in the history of the universe, but the Kurt Busch lookalike in the movie was actually his mentally retarded cousin Tony Romo. Kurt was also arrested while after killing 4 drivers on the last lap the 3001 Daytona 500 while drunk, killing rookie Heywood Jablome, 25 time champion Seymour Cox, Harry Dix, the first driver to be both gay and a scientologist that actually wins races(Tom Cruise was the first gay scientologist driver, but he never finished higher than 19th), and Les Bean, a middle aged pedophile who lived with his grandmother and usually finished right ahead of Kurt in 42nd. The 4 dead drivers were also drunk, autopsy reports say. He was sent to jail for 30 years, but released after serving only 29 years and 364 days. This caused NASCAR to outlaw the 1000 year old tradition of driving drunk at restrictor plate tracks. Most recently, he was penalized 100 points and 230,000 canadisn dollars (US$100,000) after driving into Tony Stewart's pit during a race and killing his entire pitcrew with the built-in lawn mower underneath the car while high on LSD after Tony Stewart wrecked him. NASCAR officials also penalized him an additional point for listening to Backstreet Boys while racing.

Trivia[edit]

  • Kurt Busch not only drives NASCAR, but also races in Indy cars, where he finished his career best race, 2 spots ahead of last.
  • Kurt is a proud communist who hates Jews, African Americans, Mexicans, Asians, straight people, Christians, Muslims, Scientologists, Jehovah Witnesses, Jesus, Chuck Norris, you, and anybody else who isn't a homosexual white supremacist.
  • He still lives with his your mother's lesbian lover.
  • Kurt Busch was once involved in a nasty wreck with another driver, and was pulled out of his car dead. When he was loaded onto the hearse, he heard them say the other driver was Asian, he woke from the dead and said "Just get this filthy chinks germs off of me ". He managed to sodomize the other driver in the garage after the race.
  • Kurt Busch sent death threats to Franklin Rooosevelt and Winston Church-Hill blaming them for making his glorious nazis lose the war.
  • He was arrested for lewd conduct after getting caught having oral sex with another man on a park bench.
  • His pornographic comic book collection is in the Guinness book of Records for biggest and most diverse.
  • He was the only driver to score a pole position during qualifying while masturbating in the car.

Kurt's Favorite Shit[edit]

  • Movie: Any gay porn film or "The Eternal Jew"
  • TV show: Teletubbies, Naruto, or Barney
  • Song or Artist: The Numa Numa song (Dragostea din tei by O-Zone
  • Actress: None, he likes men only
  • Gay porn actor: Any
  • Race: White
  • Race car driver: Anyone slower than him (which is nobody)
  • Sexual orientation: gay or lezbo
  • Dictator: Hitler
  • Threesome buddies: Jeff Gordon and Tony Stewart
  • KKK member: Any
  • Black guy: none
  • Mexican guy: none
  • Jewish guy: none
  • Asian guy: none
  • Hobby: Dancing in front of a webcam to annoying Romanian boy band music
  • Nerdy sci-fi show:

Alien Nation , Starman , Dark Skies, Earth: Final Conflict , First Wave , The Invaders, Project UFO , Robotech , War of the Worlds, The X-Files, The Outer Limits , Out of the Unknown, Science Fiction Theatre , RoboCop: The Series , Sea of Souls , Star Cops , Earth 2 , Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1 , Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5, Star Trek, etc, Get the idea?...

Links[edit]

This is a video of all of the crashes Kurt Busch was in

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