L. S. Lowry

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L.S. Lowry is a Northern working class Scally who is critically acclaimed for his work in the medium of matchsticks. His portraits of malnourished Scallys currently fetch extortionate prices in London's auction houses. His favourite subject was despair, epitomised by his use of watercolours mixed with the salt of the earth and the tears of marmosets; however, this unusually saline solution has proved unpalatable amongst mainstream art historians.

Lowry was married to a lump of wood in 1928, the relationship quickly splintered after he used portions of his bride for his artworks. She was ceremoniously buried 3 days later somewhere near an outside toilet, as was the style of the day.

Lowry himself passed away in 1932 after inhaling his own urine through a straw in a vain attempt to promote 'artistic vision'.

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