Laguna College

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Laguna College
Motto Scientia, Patrias, Libertas, Mucho Dinero. Oh, and they also boast about being the first and the best in Laguna, which gave birth to another motto "Can't hide that LC Pride."
Established Look it up in the Bible, moron.
School type Private Money-making School, baby!
President Evangelista-Tomas? I don't know her first name, really, but her nickname is Baby. If you happen to come there, just look for the one who looks like Vince McMahon
Location San Pablo City, Philippines
Campus A building at Paseo de Escudero and a gym(?) near the District Hospital.
Faculty Fascists
This article is about the school Laguna College. For the fecal matter or the curse word, see this article.

Laguna College (LC) is a private, non-sectarian, co-educational institution, located at San Pablo City, Laguna Philippines.

It offers kindergarten, elementary, high school and college education.

It is very famous for its tag line : "Can't hide that LC pride"


History

Once upon a time, there was this bamboo that bore what is believed to be the first Filipinos: Adam and Eve. They bore a baby and nicknamed her Baby. Baby then met a bald boy named Allan and offered a Weny's burger for the price of his soul. Allan agreed to sell his soul and they built (from planks of wood) what now is called the Lakeside building. They called it Laguna Academy then, and began to educate elite people in San Pablo City who can afford five goats per school year. Barter system, you know.

Allan guarded it day and night for a minimum wage. Decades have gone and wooden buildings are so out so they decided to build a building made of cement. After building, they called it Laguna College, hence the name.

Rival Schools

Laguna College's biggest rival and competitor (in terms of academics)is the San Pablo Colleges. These two colleges are always compared to each other since they are like the Spartans and Athenians when quiz contests are held IN San Pablo. Outside San Pablo, that's a different story. The number of names in banners outside their campuses determines the winner.

In terms of pasosyalan, its rival is Canossa College. Duh, our tuition fee is higher. Although they have a nice gym, girls in all-white uniforms and a website. I know. God cannot be fair sometimes.

The Buildings

Laguna College is mainly composed of three buildings. The buildings are connected to each other, forming a U shape. The U shaped building complex is 30 to 40 metres high. Perfect if you're tired of your life. The elementary department is located at the back. They got tiny chairs and a filthy torn drum set for "elite" musical classes. Perfect if you want to feel stupid.

NB Sahagun Cultural Hall is situated on the top-most level on the "elite" science building. The is a stage where cultural and non-cultural programs are held.

The quadrangle, the space made by the U shape, is the area where students play volleyball and most of school events (Battle of the Bands a.k.a. LC Bingo Bonanza, College Fair, etc.) are held. Event? It's in the quadrangle! The Flag ceremony is also held in the quadrangle.

Laguna College has the 'old building', called the Lakeside building, also known as 'the Batcave'. Non-academic subjects are held in this building, such as PE and NSTP. Perfect if you want to go in and eat your meal while the bats are trying to spray you with their pee. So stupid building.

A future nursing building is now under the management's plans, and will always be a plan for infinity and beyond.

People & Events

Events take place for people who don't want to study, the non-nerd students, if you will. You'll have some days off from studying to practice and ultimately have a crappy performance because you didn't really practice! You just want, literally, an excuse to skip classes.

For the non-non-nerd students, there are the quiz bees. You'll be excused to classes to study harder topics. What the ffff is that?

Once in a blue moon, there are fireworks and then you'll wonder "Was that just our tuition that exploded?"

The yearly Battle of the Bands are held where? You guessed it right, in the quadrangle. In Lakeside, if it's raining. It's held usually October, parallel to the Oktoberfest though there's no overflowing beer. Instead, kids go to Bigg's or McDonald's to go "socializing". It's like bars but you drink float with fries.

It also celebrates the "emo", punk, hardcore, "skater" and metal subcultures in the campus because it's just the cool way to be. I can imagine; if we're in the 70s they'll play disco music and everyone's dancing. Now, kids got cut wrists and long bangs weeping while the band play yet still feel good about themselves just because they're in the in crowd.

LC's Ten Commandments

Rules are important. The bible will teach you so many things but Moses will make you feel stupid because he summarized those rules in two stone tablets (or ΒΌ A4 paper, or 1 txt msg) so reading the whole book will become senseless. Anyway, these are LC's ten commandments:

  1. No gentleman shall enter a lady's comfort room. Furthermore, no homosexual shall enter a heterosexual's comfort room. Breathe deep, hold on. Dismissals are some time away.
  2. Gentleman shall have a clean cut. Or a homosexual shall cut it forcefully.
  3. All shall be in their proper uniforms. No cross-dressing, you...
  4. No ID, No Entry. Be deprived of education for a day, no big deal.
  5. Observe the virtue of chastity.
  6. Pay for the fee of an event even though you're not coming to it.
  7. You shall be "encaged" in the campus during recess. You shall buy food only in the canteen or be as pathetic as that kid in the commercials imagining a mayo sandwich tastes like real ham.
  8. You cannot enter the campus eating food from the outside. What is this? A supermarket?
  9. You cannot take examinations without a receipt proving you're paid with the tuition.
  10. You cannot graduate without paying mandatory fees! Burn in hell!