Lake Michigan

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lake Michigan.

Lake Michigan is a huge body of wetness. It's located to the right of Wisconsin. Lake Michigan is biologically related to the other Great Lakes, located near the Northern Hemisphere, just east of Eden and many fine steak houses. However, their greatness has been a source of some contention. Some Senators have expressed their anger about how much space Lake Michigan uses, and have introduced a bill to do away with it in order to build more casinos and mansions for their children. Lake Michigan was named after Mayor Ralph P. Michigan (D) of Detroit, OH.


Glaciers and Indians are believed to have created Lake Michigan, but no records exist to provide evidence. Several scientists believe this false because when they tried to force the Indians and glacier together (with nails of course) the supposed magic bond didn't exist and the Indians died and the glacier melted (Note: They weren't related to the 2 MPG Manifest Destiny machine being used next door). There is also a story about a giant blue ox named Babe. Her(his?) piss pooled in a low area and formed the lake. This is clearly false because Babe kicked Mrs Olearys lantern over in a barn starting the great Chicago fire. Chicago landed on this planet on the shores of the lake so the timeline is clearly wrong.


Sea Creatures: 90% Alewives (a small inedible fish that likes to die in large numbers and wash ashore stinking the place up), 8% Zebra muscles (a small inedible fast breeding clam that likes to block water pipes). The remaining 2% makes up the world's largest wild population of used condoms.
Used Automobiles: drunks can't resist driving into the lake, walking home and then wondering where they left the car (in winter they can get them pretty far out).
Dead Bodies: Jimmy Hoffa is the most famous resident of the lake bottom club. Al Cappone founded the lake bottom club putting many rivals there.
The shores of lake Michigan contain 3/4ths of the world's proven broken beer bottle reserves.


The great nation of Chicago borders Lake Michigan on three sides. There, preppy hipsters use the waters of the great lake to bathe and let their cattle drink. Chicagoans have since gained superpowers from the mercury contained in the crisp cold waters of Lake Michigan. Unfortunately, Chicagoans also allow their fecal matter to drain into Lake Michigan, and combined with the refreshing waters and mercury levels, I am Captain Planet!

Other Citys on the Lake[edit]

She's-a-Boy-Again (WI): Has the largest charter fishing fleet on the lake (who knows why, see contents above).
Green Bay (WI): Got it's name for the lovely shade of green algie growing on the dead Alewives.


It's best known for it's high levels of mercury and the poisoned fish contained therein. Throughout recorded history, 135,000 lifeguards and kids have drown, only to resurface when it was time for their tax refunds. It's the only lake which Moses never parted, nor did he even buy it a drink.

The Great Lakes
Lake Erie - Lake Superior - Lake Michigan - Lake Ontario - Lake Huron
The Not-so-Great Lakes
Lake Titicaca - Lake Spooky - Lake Champlain