Lamborghini

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Charlie Brown — A little love.jpg Stop hand nuvola alternate.svg This article needs love Stop hand nuvola alternate.svg
This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love.
Please give some love by rewriting it.
A particularly arrogant breed of the shity cars , showing it is better than you.
Bouncywikilogo6.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lamborghini.

“I don't trust shit!”

~ Uncle Sam on Lamborghinis who are better than American cars

Lamborghini Spa is a tiny super car maker with only 2 employees. Its international headquarters is in "a city whose name only those damn Italians can pronounce".

Lamborghini owners are often illegitimate children of Hollywood starlets and Producers or Rappers who already own a couple of Lamborghini's and inevitably one Cadillac Escalade. It is known that Captain Falcon collects them as a hobby. They are also a hot favorite among the rich neo-hippies involved in the sport of "I can crash my pimped up ride before yours". The range of a Lamborghini is a quarter mile i.e. from one red light to the next, and they are often used to make extremely fast round trips to the grocery store.

Lamborghini's also are fitted with a doughnut as standard equipment like the Ferrari's. These may be used to pick up broads who may be disposed of at the next red light.WARNING: these doughnuts tend to be much stronger than those that Hummers are equipped with.

History[edit]

The earliest known Lamborghini breed. Note: This particular beast is de-beat.

Simply put they were the first cars invented by Akiba 'Rabbi Akiba' at the time of the Romans.That is not the official version which goes: Enzo Ferrari and Feruccio Lamborghini were having coffee at some café when the saw a stray dog and a bitch doing it. On seeing the strays doin' it, my mother is said to have remarked "Sad dog has only one bitch". Realising that Enzo was doing it with two wives without getting caught, Feruccio became jealous that he couldn't manage the same. Instead he decided the hit Enzo where it would hurt him the hardest so he kicked him in his balls, and then to rub salt into Enzo's wounds, he decide to make a better car then those Enzo made, and thus was born Lamborghini.

He then commissioned the brilliant scientist Dr. Alberto Einsteinelli to develop a new car. Dr.Einsteinelli then commissioned the KGB to steal some plans from Ferrari. However 1963 being the height of the cold war the KGB was active in Detroit, the work shirkers at KGB then passed on the plans for a Chevrolet]Corvette to Dr.Einsteinelli.

In the words of an anonymous witness who wasn't there, "The Lamborghini is a un-intended, evil result of a failed experiment performed by Dr. Albert Einstein in the late 1960's. Attempting to breed an early Chevrolet Corvette model, a live lamb, and a lamp-entrapped genie in an electrical-oxygen chamber in hopes of masking the very first mixed cute pet able to grant you 3 wishes, as well as a reliable, sporty means of transportation produced the very first Lamborghini. But the experiment went horribly wrong when Einstein accidentally wished for a grilled-cheese sandwich in the middle of the experiment, causing the genie to pre-maturely be released from its lamp, and creating a massive explosion in Dr. Einstein's laboratory."

When Dr. Einsteinelli awoke, his laboratory was in ruins. Glass was everywhere. Years of experiments were lost. And there was a sound of an engine revving in the corner. Dr. Einstein glanced up at the beast he had created. A red, demonic looking contraption was in the corner of his laboratory, headlights beaming in his face. To his horror the beast shot out of its resting place, pulled up beside him, and, in a ear-shattering roar blasted its horn, and opened its door like no other machine had ever done before, vertically. As the doctor fell to the ground, his hands clasping his ears in pain, the door slammed down upon his head, be-heading the famous doctor, and a new evil was released upon the world.

The first offspring of the Lamborghini beast, after the mating session. with the Ferrari.

After escaping Dr. Einsteinelli's laboratory, the beast was sighted around the world, showing itself off in many different car shows (afterwards, killing and eating the engines, or brains of the cars that beat it in contests). Its fury was unstoppable. With the looks of a corvette that had breeded with a cuddly lamb, and the fury of an enraged genie bent on world domination, it had the agility of a cheetah, and the madness of a demon. Early newspapers called it Satan's car. So then in 1990 they called the new one the Twice Design Diablo Devil. Its father was Self Ben Old Man Marley from Home Alone. The limited edition Roadster version may only legally be driven it tax havens and is made entirely of stinging nettles. Nearly zero were ever made. It stars in Ishtar and acts as the title role in ALIEN.

It is recorded that after a few years, the beast was reportedly sighted outside of London, with smoke, or perhaps a genie fart, expelling from the rear end of the machine. It was obvious that the beast was on its last-thread, and would soon be extinct. Knowing this, the machine went in search of a mate to carry on its legacy. Finding a suitable Ferrari, it attracted its attention with a showing of its interior, and within seconds was getting it on. In no time the Ferrari was pregnant, and the the birth, both the Ferrari and the Lamborghini died off, and now rest in a garbage dump outside Britain. But the offspring, an even sportier, and less lethal machine was produced. It was nicknamed the "Countach" by an anonymous retard. Careful examination of the first ever Countach shows the similarities of the Ferrari, and the original, demonic conception of the Lamborghini beast.

Elvis and Lamborghini

Elvis and his Lamborghini, back in the happy days.

The offspring of the Lamborghini's rapings grew up a bastard (its parents were both dead, faggot.), and, finding only loneliness in the world, found companionship with a man named Elvis Presley (also known as "The Hound-dog", or something stupid like that). Elvis became an instant social-stud with his new car and best friend. Before Elvis found the Lamborghini, he was a lone-guitarist and vocalist, and his god-awful music and/or hygiene kept people at least 100 feet away from him at all times. But after he began driving the Lamborghini, his popularity grew, and his songs became famous, only because people came to see his car, and not him. After Elvis's songs grew popularity, Elvis grew into a multi-millionaire, and was able to afford more luxurious cars, such as the Maserati. His friendship with the Lamborghini was slowly being pushed away. One night, in a violent act of desperation and depression, the Lamborghini stole 10 gallons of diesel fuel mixed with vodka, attacked and raped several vehicles in the area, and drove itself off a bridge. It was never recovered. When Elvis heard about this, sadness overcame him, and he took a bottle of Tylenol, went to take a final shit, and died on the toilet.

Several of the raped vehicles conceived, and were abandoned by their owners after showing signs of pregnancy. Several committed suicide, several others went insane and ran over specially picked babies and kittens. The ones that gave birth successfully introduced a soon-to-be-expensive-as-hell-and-very-popular-and-predominant species around the earth. The Lamborghini.

Present Day[edit]

Some wanna-be Lamborghini, with custom modifications . As you can see, Lamborghini's are very eco-friendly, this one is green.

The tarborghini's became an instant celebrity hit. Luxury car companies took in these orphaned vehicles, and mated them with others to sell at an unbelievably high price to rich, mother-fucking celebrities who think it better to spent a couple million on a car instead of giving it to a fucking Orphanage or Charity! Go to hell!!

Production Models[edit]

Lamborghini Mercielego

The Flagship Model of the Lamborghini Spa. This model was the only car offered with a vinyl on the door saying "fuck me they open upwards" and was born of a diabolical plan which involved mating a Gay Bull with an Alien form of Transport. Since the Bull didn't like what it was doing the offspring this machine looks like a black stallion with a fat ass. This model has the largest pussy magnet of any kind in the world. However current owners are complaining that this car is not raceable but racist since it seems to be capable of only attracting black pussies.

Gallardo

A hot Lamborghini wanting to be sexed up by that babe in yellow.

The Aneroxic twin sister of the Murcielago.It enjoys showing off how much better it is than you and your crappy Toyota Tercel. It is generally believed that this has a much better pussy magnet if you are a bored kid taking a joyride.

Gallardo Spyder Inspired by Pamela Anderson Lamborghini took the top off the Gallardo to make this car. It is used to pick up topless chicks at beaches.

Memorable Quotes from a Lamborghini Instruction Manual[edit]

  • Depending on how much you abuse its engine, or have romantic intercourse with its exhaust, its lifespan generally goes from 10 to 30 years.
  • And it will cost you more than a house on the beach, so make plans to live with your parents after purchasing, and make sure you ask your mummy if its okay to have orgies with all the girls you pick up riding around in it.
  • But be warned, these automobiles still carry some traits of the demonic lamb, nicknamed "poodle", so don't piss it off, or you may wind up behind the wheel of a Lamborghini D.U.I. - Don't be the next victim.
  • Depending on how many girls have used the gear stick, it may be slippery
  • If You plan on buying one, be warned it may cause wangsters to say " DAAAAM SON U SHOULD GET A TOYOTA CROWN!!!"

To end off : PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get a TOYOTA CROWN.. IT IS WORTH IT