Lance of Longinus

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The Lance of Longinus was, or is, a very odd little llama-pod. Is is a very long lance that would reach to the moon really, really far if fully extended, consisting of 10 sections which can be extended on command. It is made out of ASCII characters and thus has punctuation for substance.


  1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9  10

  1. - Handle. This is what you hold it by, and also it has a handwarmer inside.
  2. - Pipe-sec. This is the first section of the lance, and it has the power to shoot water, as it is made out of pipes.
  3. - Bracket-sec. This is a section which can be used to teleport, or teleport others with its linking capability.
  4. - Parentheses-sec. This has the power to make people forget things, or at least confuse them with contradictory beliefs, in parenthesis.
  5. - Brace-sec. This can be used to clone things, since it has bracket power (and thus power to clone a template many times).
  6. - Colon-sec. This can make anyone have to go to the bathroom REALLY BAD ,or use the dreaded technique Full Stomach, which will make your opponent feel like they just ate 9 bean burritos.
  7. - Equal-sec. Much like the Parenthese-sec, the Equal-sec can also confuse people. Also, the Equal-sec can alter truths and laws, thus altering the laws of nature slightly. The LoL's power derives from the ability of the Equal-sec to stretch physics, thus allowing the Lanca to stretch to unparalelled lengths and also allowing the wielder to hold the Lance lightly in their hand, although it when fully extended weighs thousands of pounds.
  8. - Dash-sec. This section is not very powerful as the other sections, but still serves a purpose. It can separate things, and also connect things together, much like the power of the hyphen. It allows for separation at high speeds of the last section, shooting the Tilde-sec and the point at amazing velocity at your opponent.
  9. - Tilde-sec. This section is wavey and floaty, which explains partly why the Lance is so easy to wield. It also serves the purpose of making the lance capable of flight, allowing for incredibly long javelin throws, and for flight of the end part after separation via the Dash-sec. The Lance of Longinus was banned from the Olympic Games because of this.
  10. - Point. The point of the Lance is made out of runite, and coated in angle brackets. It is serrated so it can rip and tear, and also cannot be crushed by anything. It is rumored that there are actually melted-down sin tacks inside the tip, but these rumors are unsubstantiated.


The Lance of Longinus is famed for its amazing length. Each section, when fully extended, can reach up to 50 fixed-width characters, and its powers grow accordingly. When at rest, each section consists of 5 characters. Each character has a certain power to it. Here is a table describing the effects of the sections.

Section Pipe-sec Bracket-sec Parenthese-sec Brace-sec
Power Shoots water Teleports objects Confuses people enough to make them harmless Creates copies of objects
Section Colon-sec Equal-sec Dash-sec Tilde-sec
Power Makes people full Can negate an equation of science and replace it with your own, or none at all Can separate things and connect things Floats objects into the air

See Also[edit]