Landcruiser

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LandCruiser Facts[edit]

LandCruisers don't crawl over rocks, rocks duck under LandCruisers

LandCruisers don't 4-wheel over mountains, They drive straight and the earth moves out of the way underneath them

LandCruisers don't break down, the mechanics just get really bored and try to take them apart anyway

Some trucks leak oil, LandCruisers dont leak oil, they scare the oil out of other trucks.

Once, while in the same garage as a tractor-trailer, LandCruiser fluid was spilled and got into the engine of the big rig. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

A LandCruiser was originally cast as Optimus Prime in Transformers, but was replaced by the producers when it managed to kill every Decepticon and Jeep and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

A LandCruiser can 4wheel on just 2 wheels.

Someone made a LandCruiser do a burnout once, remember Hiroshima?

A mountain tried to stop a LandCruiser once, this mountains name was Mount St. Helens

A LandCruiser was the only truck to ever completely destroy a crash test facility

A LandCruiser has 2 speeds, Drive, and Destroy

Land Cruisers are not built like a tank, tanks are built like LandCruisers

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of Jeeps that entered space after the LandCruiser drove through a Jeep dealership

LandCruisers use renewable fuels, like baby seal oil

When a LandCruiser uses a winch, it actually repositions the earth underneath it

When a Delorean reaches 88mph its tire tracks catch fire, when a LandCruiser reaches 88Mph everything around it catches fire.

LandCruisers, also known in some parts as jeepherders

When you slam on the brakes in your LandCruiser you alter the orbit and rotation of the earth

Your mom was impregnated in a LandCruiser with no men present!

LandCruisers dont rock crawl, they cause other trucks to crawl by for fear of upsetting Land Cruisers

UN Charters state A LandCruiser is to be considered a WMD when 4wheeling.

2 LandCruisers hit eachother once... That didnt actually happen because none of us would be here anymore

The LandCruiser was the real reason we didnt invade mainland Japan

LandCruisers leave Japan by way of pacific rim magma tunnels, and arrive in the US through the San Andreas Fault, thereby avoiding the massive Tsunamis that would be created by driving along the ocean floor the entire way.

LandCruisers are the reason Godzilla left Japan alone and went to New York

Chuck Norris will not EVER roundhouse kick a LandCruiser. He knows better.

TUT and LandCruisers are both Ultimate. Deal with it.


LandCruiser Myths[edit]

The LandCruiser is known for its sleek design and fluffy, marshmallow-top roof, and is the first SUV advertised to "Practically Shit Raw Gasoline." The vehicle was also the first safety-tested to ensure that pedestrians had plenty of head space when passing under it. another interesting fact about the LandCruiser is that it doesn't actually have an engine, instead it has a mouse called Gerald. And if Gerald runs around his wheel as fast as he can he can get the LandCruiser from 0-100kph (62mph) in about 45 minutes.

With international sales declining in 2004, Toyo Industries slated the LandCruiser for termination, at the protest of its original designer. However, the Bush administration and Congress intervened in the 11th hour by purchasing 600,000 LandCruisers for use in Iraq. It was learned that the upholstery can also be used as a contraceptive, and has been widely used by American troops in that capacity. Other uses for the vehicles have yet to be determined since, to the consternation of the Administration, these LandCruisers were dissimilar from naval cruisers in that they didn't have any big guns, or even any small ones.

In countries that have terrain besides soccer grounds and smooth bitumen roads, the LandCruiser really comes into it's own. Over the shit-house roads and rugby fields of Australia, and the Diamond mines of South Africa, the LandCruiser has been widely used as a portable noise generator, with the avalibility of powerful, refined and quiet diesel engines. LandCruisers have played a crucial part in Australian industry, with LandCruisers being employed to tow the broken down Nissan Patrols from the scene of the Snowy Hydro Electric Scheme (known locally as the "bastards who nicked all my fuckn' water, mate"). It also taught us that if a job has to be done, don't buy a Nissan Patrol.

There have also been several variants unique to the Australian and South African markets, the hugely popular "Troopie", so named because of the roving bands of angry, armed yobs who ambush unsuspecting motorists in the cities (Mostly Brisbane) and off-road, where the car does shit, breaking diffs, cv's and pretty much anything else.