Laredo

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Laredo
Motto Viva Laredo Motherfuckers!
Official language Laredoan, Spanish, United Statesian English
Government Semi-elected Hypocrisy
Race 103% Latino, -1% Niggas, and 2% Mutt.
Religion Communism, Paganism, Feminism, Christianity, Bigotry, Mormons, Morons and Amish.
Czars Futurama, Mexicans, Anime, Everything in Walmart, Sex
Opening hours Monday–Saturday from dawn 'til midnight, Friday is ladies' night
Independence 1755 (end of Spanish Occupation)
Anthem Streets of Laredo .
Natural Resources Texas Tea, Gas
Official Cuisine Tacos, Pizza, and Hamburgers
National bird The B-3 Bomber
Emperor His Majesty Emperor AMAPO
Population 30,000,000 (LESCC 2007)
Motto "War Is Peace; Freedom is Slavery; Ignorance is Strength"
Anime Hentai
Currency Freedom, Oil, Sombreros
Sports shooting,

baseketball, hockey soccer, football, golf

Exports Black hawks, War, Whoopass

Laredo is the capital of the Republic of the Rio Grande. The villa was established in 1755 by the King of Spain, Ferdinand VI. Soon after its establishment Laredo and the Republic went to war with Spain for its independence. Today, Laredo is the largest city in the republic and the world, with over 30,000,000 inhabitants according to the LESCC Laredo Elementary School Census Count of 2010. Laredo is located between Mexico and USA.

History[edit]

Before Laredo's founding in 1755, Laredo was where the Big Bang occurred Laredo has the distinction of having been invaded 7 times, by Spain in 1755, France in 1529, Mexico 1821 through 1836 and in 2007, Republic of Texas, United States in 1845, Confederate States of America 1861 to 1865, and Iraq in 1919. All these times the republic of the Rio Grand' and Laredo were victorious or the enemy died half-way to the capital in the Laredoan Hell Desert.

War with Spain 1755[edit]

A day after the King of Spain, Ferdinand VI established the utopian city of Laredo, its residents wanted independence from Spain. So... about 1,000,000 Laredoans took up arms against Spain. In the 1700's, Spain had the strongest military power in the world, especially its Navy. But Laredo had developed a new weapon the B-2 Spirit stealth bomber, Which was undetectable then... and now. The King of Spain sent his mighty navy to attack Laredo through its Rio Grande shores but some dude in near the rivers delta inBrownsville saw the Spanish ships and called the Laredo President Alberto Perez via cell phone to let him know the Spanish are coming! The Spanish are coming! So the prez sent a fleet of 333 stealth bombers and crippled the Spanish Navy in 30 minutes. Ever since this attack Spain has not been able recuperate from this loss and today has one of the weakest military forces in the world.

War with France 1529[edit]

I'm not even gonna waste my time writing about this war we all know France's military sucks major ass and has lost every single war ever fought by them. So I'm just gonna do a list:

  • France wanted the Republic of the Rio Grande lands
  • Laredo says, "FUCK YOU France"!
  • Laredo is about to lose since the Nazis and the KKK join the French
  • Superman and the Smurfs join the fight on Laredo's side
  • The French, KKK, Nazis bend over and get raped by Superman and the smurfs
  • Laredo smokes a Cuban cigar and laughs
  • The End
    • Oh! a day later Laredo invades France and takes all its good looking, clean women... all one of them.

War with Mexico 1821[edit]

The Laredo-Mexican war was fought over this piece of hot ass

The war with Mexico all started when Laredo and Mexico were having a drink in Texas... back then part of Mexico. Then came this perfect yummy looking piece of ass. The argument all started when both Laredo and Mexico claimed to have seen her first. They both ran up to her and hit on her. Laredo ended up hooking up with her and banged her a couple of times (by then Laredo was already getting tired of her and cheated on her with 10 other chicks), Mexico was very jealous. Mexico couldn't take it anymore and sent its army to invade Laredo. Laredo did not know WTF was going on it pulled out it's double barrel sawed off shotguns... three shots were fired and killed the invading army. Mexico was crying in the corner... Laredo remembered the good ol' times it had with Mexico... all the tequila shots, Cancun, the tacos Mexico cooked for Laredo. So Laredo asked Mexico what's wrong? Mexico responded I'm in love with your woman, Laredo responded "Which one? I'm currently single." Mexico responded the chick we met at the bar a few days ago. Laredo: "hmmm it doesn't ring the bell" Mexico: I think her name is Carmen Electra Laredo: "oh her, I dumped her ass for Beyonce. Ever since this convo Laredo and Mexico are very good friends.

War with Republic of Texas 1836[edit]

Today Laredo's oil production beats Saudi Arabia's

Them Republic of Texas cowboys wanted to invade Laredo for its oil/gas production refineries. Laredo said FUCK YOU! if you want this come and get it (having 500 M1 Abrams tanks pointed at them, the cowboys shit on themselves and went home crying to their mommas.

Quotes[edit]

Quotes from other people[edit]

“I believe Laredo has WMDs”

~ George W. Pussy errr Bush on Laredo

“Le oui suck, Laredo is the best!”

~ France on Laredo

“You may not wanna mess with Texas but you sure do not wanna fuck with Laredo cause he's one trigger happy mofo”

~ Texas on Laredo

“Laredo is HOT!”

~ Captain Obvious's wife on Laredo

“OMFG!!! OUCH!!!!!”

~ Carmen Electra on Laredo's cock

Quotes from Laredo[edit]

“I'm done, now get the fuck out”

~ Laredo on Your mom

“I'm the original dude that turned Carmen Electra into a freak”

~ Laredo on Carmen Electra
Wikisplode.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Laredo.