Laser Goat

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“They great appreciated. I not have my 500 wives without them!”

~ The Krushnevyan King on Laser Goats
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It should exist...or wait, does it?[edit]

A Typical Wild Laser Goat

Laser Goats are a breed of Mountain Goats that exist only in countries as magical as Krushnevya. They are often found in the far off mountains, unlike the domesticated racing goats. Recently, however, they have been used to the advantage of the king and his army by being captured and brought to the palace. Their laser powers are the best weapons available in the area, so they will come in handy in the war against Paulland and their Laser Tigers.

The Call For The Laser Goat Army

TraitsSpecial Effects[edit]

The Laser Goat, Laserus Goatus can be found in the northern mountains of Krushnevya. They have nice white fur that keeps them warm in the mountains. Unfortunately, this nice white fur becomes a problem when their powers are used.

The Laser Goat has an unusual power not found among other goats. It has eyes that somehow shoot deadly laser beams from them. However, most goats do not know how to use this power on command, as most goats do not take the official Laser Goat Training Class available in Downtown Krushnevya. Only the wisest goats take this highly recommended training. There are none of these wise goats in existence at the moment. And so this lack of training results in a most common accident among Laser Goats; Burning Dog Goat Disease. Often when the goats are grazing in the fields of the mountains (irony not intended) they look downwards in an attempt to lick their hooves. This usually is not successful as the goat's Laser System will take action and unfortunately smoke their asses.

An Unfortunate Smokin of the Asses

While this unfortunate even happens often in the mountains, it also occurs on the battlefield against the Laser Tigers. Often this results in fiery goats and utter confusion (not to be confused with udder confusion). This is a problem, and the king is often upset and firing the goat trainers, leaving untrained goats to create even more problems with their uncontrollable lasers. Laser goats often need to now carry fire extinguishers around to avoid catching Burning Goat Disease.

The Latest Installment

The goats have these extinguishers wrapped around their neck so that in an un-rare case of Burning Goat Disease, they can rescue themselves so that the king does not have to risk his worthless life to save the goats whose lives are worth more than he can imagine. Just kidding.

Rare Additions[edit]

One feature of Laser Goats that comes in handy both on and off the battlefield are their LaserUdders.

Laser Udder.

These laser udders come in handy when they are being attacked by pedophiles especially, for this is when their dear udders are under attack. Though to the enemy it seems as though they are being squirted by milk, they are actually being shot by a powerful laser beam. The laser beam DOES seem like milk, Ryan.

Stephen Colbert was temporarily granted the ability to shoot lasers by the Krushnevyan Laser Goat Demonstration Team during his show. Soon after, Colbert bought a laser goat of his own, but promptly mailed it to Dick Cheney when it tried to burn his penis off in the middle of the night.

Maybe you should try it, dumbass.

This page is a piece of crap. The author acknowledges this fact.

See Also[edit]