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“Open latte”

~ Starbucks on latte

“Thanks a latte”

~ Everybody on thanking Starbucks for being Open Latte

Latte from the Greek λάττε meaning 'drink of the chotch'. It is an extremely delicious drink, and is best served with a biscotti, while laughing at the poor. Oi its the Englishmen mate.

Latte's often have pretty pictures hand-crafted by master-artists. These pictures are responsible for the drinkers dilemma--drink the 19 euro coffee or admire the pretty picture?


Founded in the mid-19th century as another way to mark oneself as a true gentleman, and bon vivant. Lattes were commonly known as 'regular,' 'hot,' or 'full body;' and were sold at a Starbucks gentlemen's coffeeshop.



A latte is made from:

  • One part Espresso
  • One part sunshine
  • One part disposable income
  • Steamed Milk
  • Sugar may also be used
  • The eaten half of a McDonald's Cheeseburger
  • a chotch
  • fermented breast milk
  • crushed hopes and dreams of 3rd class nations
  • capitalist exploitation
  • a fresh umbilical cord

Some People add chocolate, or other cruel and bizarre flavorings. These people don't deserve to live, and should be socially segregated and/or murdered. or have their chotch removed.


Ideally, the latte should be served in the skull of your enemies, but accounting for the modern trend and general impracticality of using skulls as cups you may use a selection from IKEA. Same difference.

Lattes may be put in epipens and injected into thumbs for maximum latte pleasure.


Biscotti is the first choice, however after mating a bran muffin will suffice.


Lattes are part of a rich and interesting culture. Make sure the rest of the people in the coffee shop are aware of this when you order. When ordering a latte is is best to use an Italian phrases, even if they don't make sense. This will make you seem very erudite.

Chai lattes are only for clinically ill hippies.

How to Drink[edit]

Place to mouth. Open mouth. Drink. Self-indulgent laughter. Clean up any premature ejaculant.

Side Effects[edit]

  • Bankruptcy
  • Sterility
  • Hyperactivity
  • Being a douchebag