League of Incredible Men
The League of Incredible Men, not to be mistaken with the greatly weaker League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, was founded prior to the alien invasion of 1997, which was never heard of because they stopped it before it began. This group of most incredible men is the world's primary defense against all threats, both terrestrial and extraterrestrial.
The leader of the world's most powerful nations, upon receiving news of an alien invasion, decided in a joint act to combine the worlds greatest, strongest, most powerful, and/or smartest men into one mighty fighting unit they would call the League of Incredible Men (LIM). The reason that this group's name was in English is because the majority of the group were from either the United States of America, or another English speaking nation. Upon defeating the alien invaders the leaders were left with the decision of whether to disassemble this force, or keep it in case of other threats. They chose the later, also in fear of retaliation. As for the LIM, they wanted to keep the easy, in relation to there expertise, high-paying job.
The members of this group include:
- Mr. T: A bad Mamma-Jamma with a heart, and many necklaces, of gold.
- Steve Irwin (Killed in Action): Had an incredible ability to tame and control all animals except stingrays.
- (Hollywood) Hulk Hogan: An ass-kickin' "Brother;" he was a professional wrestler until it became fake.
- Chuck Norris: An Oklahomian with a round-house kick that can tear the very universe apart.
- Donald Trump: The oldest, looking at least, of the LIM; along with providing a bad toupee as distraction for their opponents, he also provides all of the funding for the assignments and inventions.
- Takeru Kobayashi: This man uses his mighty stomach and mouth to consume all evidence.
- Bill Nye (The Science Guy): This is the man with the plan; both a brilliant military strategist and avid inventor, he provides the team with plans and equipment to get the mission done.
Mr. T is often times considered to be the groups leader, just because of his incredible strength and ominous image. He is capable of throwin' a foo' to the moon if he pleases, but normally will just bitch slap them until they see things his way, or the way that he is ordered to make them see. Mostly likely tied in fourth place for intelligence with Chuck Norris, Hulk Hogan, and the late Steve Irwin. He has several aliases, which include Clubber Lang and BA Baracus.
Steve Irwin was a master of all kinds or animals, especially crocodiles, which earned him the nickname the Crocodile Hunter. Upon being confronted on his latest missions, which involved the underwater city of Atlantis, Irwin was confronted by an unholy monster known only as a stingray. This beast was 10 feet long from tail to head and weighed nearly 300 pounds. Irwin was able to defeat the beast, but in its last breath pierced Irwin's heart with a concealed barb, which was strictly against fight regulations. Though definitely not the most book-smart of the group he did exceed all others in his amazing knowledge of animals. With his absence we will have to be more cautious around animals, which are expected to become increasingly aggressive.
(Hollywood) Hulk Hogan
This guy is tough, especially for someone his age. He was and is the toughest of all professional wrestlers, but the main difference between him and today's wrestlers is that he did it when it was still real. He can tear through any material known to man with his amazing muscles, and he can do it without breaking a sweat. He can even tear through some material that isn't known to the common man, which is often times required in his line of work. Though of only average intelligence, like many members of the team, he does know how to make a muscle shirt look good. His known alias is the Hulkinator.
Chuck Norris is actually the leader of the LIM. He founded during a bowl of nails he was having for breakfast. Is is also said to be God's twin Brother. God got the Brains and the spiritual powers (the favorite), Chuck got the massive strength. (The Black sheep of the family)
And they say Hercules was strong.
This team is comprised of the strongest, greatest, smartest, and most powerful of men. Though Donald Trump has very few physical powers, he is a man of great economic, social, and spiritual powers. His cheesy toupee is also used to distract the opponent the rest of the team is fighting. No known alias, but plenty of unknown ones.
This small Asian man is responsible for the endangerment of the creature that is used to make hotdogs. He has been known to inhale whole chickens, cows, moose, and even on one odd occasion the Death Star. He is much like Kirby in that scientist, including Bill Nye, don't even know where everything goes. It is rumored that he accidentally ate a worm-hole one time, and now must continually fill it in order to keep it from consuming him, but this is only a rumor. His main benefit to the team is his ability to clear the scene after they have just taken finished a mission that must remain top secret.
Bill Nye (the Science Guy)
“This man is a fucking genius! If it weren't for him the whole goddamn team wouldn't have a clue as to what to do!”
Bill Nye, apart from being the smartest person in the universe today, is also the teams most tactician. He has formulated some of the best strageties in order to get in there, kill everyone, and get out. He has also been responsible for the 200+ inventions that the team has used on some of its assignements. Though he lacks all physical strength what-so-ever, as do most nerds, but he has incredible mental powers. These powers led him to the invention of the super suit. This super suit allows him to go on missions, otherwise he would pass out from the shear weight of gravity itself. His only known aliase is Bill Nye the Science Guy, which is definitely the weakest of all the aliases.
Because the League of Incredible Men is owned by every nation this makes it impossible for one nation to rule the world. This was planned from the beginning as a safeguard. They go on many different types of missions, many of which are peace-keeping, that require them to use brute force and aim to kill (license required and acquired).
Their first mission is of notice because it was their first, and it involved little green men. This missions was the reason for the founding of this elite squadron, which was noted by most of the general public to be the first step toward world unification. The true power of this group was proven when the aliens arrived and were instantly frightened away just by seeing these godly men. Though this was not the expected result, it was still very effective.
Another notable mission is when they were hired to try and ease tensions between pirates and ninjas, which was commonly thought to be impossible. This only proved it was impossible, and if it weren't for Bill Nye teleporter they all would have died in the battle that followed. This battle didn't weaken the pirate and ninja populations because they are both immortal, but it did destroy much of the Korean Peninsula. Though this mission can't exactly be considered a success, few have the balls or tits to call it a failure.
In recent times the League of Incredible Men has come into a bit of trouble. These problems include claims of being sexist, gay, and a waste of taxpayer money. It has also recently lost one of its most valued members, Steve Irwin.
Recently there have been claims that the LIM is sexist, because of its failure to include any women. In the LIM's defense the world founded the League of Incredible Women, which has no members as of date.
Many claims began to be made about the League of Incredible Men being gay, but in a press conference upon being asked Mr. T replied, "Foo'! If we were homos, would you have a problem with it! No one like yo' homophobic ass, so why don't you just sit back down on it. And also," Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and Hulk Hogan, flex in an incredibley heterosexual way, "does that look gay to you?"
Waste of Money?
Some taxpayer feel as though they are paying too much for the defense of other and wish to make the League of Incredible Men a charity group. This matter was settle though when Donald Trump explained the value of money, and how each person paid less than a penny.
One trouble that the team has had difficulty dealing with is the loss of Steve Irwin. This has increased tension between the group, and raised the lack of defence around the world. This problem will also not be handled so easily as the others. The search for a replacement has began, but the only candidates so far have been Jeff Corwin and Michael J. Fox, neither of which are anywhere near the manliness that Steve was.
Unofficial Members of the League of Incredible Men
Below is a list of either unofficial LIM members, or men that are attempting to be included into the League: