Lenny Kravitz

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Lenny Kravitz (Or Living ENtity NeuroticallY locKing cuRrency, Always in VocatIon, Toils Zestfully) was a secret CIA project produce the most robust, hardest working, thriftiest and stingiest of all soldiers.

Previous to the Lenny Kravitz project, the government was starting to run a debt due to soldiers spending money overseas on prostitutes, marijuana and cigarettes and didn't work hard.

The government realised that its northern European and African American soldiers were the cause of most of that unhindered spending and the southern European soldiers were often quite lazy.

Frustrated at their spending habits and the lack of work ethic, The government decided to find out which ethnicities worked the hardest, were the most robust and were the stingiest.

They at first tried to combine a stingy Korean and a hard working Mexican. It resulted in a soldier that was judgemental towards every other soldiers and tried to hit on the fat, female nurses in the barracks.

Then they tried combining a stingy Indian (Dots, not feathers) and an angry, hard working Indian (Feathers, not dots).

The Indian's head exploded after it couldn't figure out which kind of Indian it was.

Then one day, while going out to the mall, one of the generals on the project noticed something: He saw a Jamacian at the Orange Julius, a Jamacian at the Gap, and a Jamacian Sears.

It was the same Jamacian. The general needed to get his parking validated at the Gap. The Jamacian barked out "Mon, ahr you crayzee? Yah didn't buy anyting! Neville Cahpentah gaht to eat yah know! Get someting frahm my depahtment so yah can get yah validahtion ahnd give me cahmission or get ya ass out ah here!"

At the same time, the store owner, seeing Mr Carpenter's anger at the general for not buying anything also was irate too. "Oy veh! You didn't buy anything. Vere is yer brain you schmuck? Get, get out of my store! I'm paying to heat this place and the other places that I own and work at and I don't need you leaching of my heating bill!"

It was settled.

They would combine the 2 cheapest ethnicities on earth. Black West Indians and Jews.

After a search of which peoples of the world were the stingiest and hard working, the decided on the Afro-Caribbeans and the Jews, the 2 stingiest ethnicities anybody has ever seen.

They tried to get a Jamacian, but the Jamacian couldn't pass the drug test. They tried a Trinidadian, but the Trinidadian tried to seduce the general's wife and daughter.

Frustrated at their attempts to find a sober West Indian, they then relaxed and started watching television. The general's favorite show was "The Jeffersons".

He then saw the perfect woman, the Caribbean chick on that show who was married to the Jewish guy.

She was a Bahamian actress who was also a chef, a saleswoman, importer/exporter and a realtor. Her husband was a Ukrianian Jew, who lived in a poor neighborhood in Trenton, New Jersey, but was a multi billionare.

They stole genetic material from those two people to create project LEnNy krAViTZ, or Lenny Kravitz.

At first, the project went well. When Kravitz was 4 years old, he cleaned the lab, the launchpad and the computer screens, and was given 4 dollars for his hard work.

When the general asked to borrow the same money from project Kravitz 5 years later for a bottle of cola, project Kravitz responded "Mon, you're some kind of putz for ahsking me for money for someting to drink, get a glass of watah", they thought that their project was a success.

When project Kravitz was a teenager, he watched his first music video. He then decided he wanted to become a musician and get on television. The General was astounded.

Lenny realised he was just just doing what people of his ethnicities do. He realised that he had an inborn talent for playing music and he also realised how he could make lots of money from his talent.

The General then realised he could try to conquer the world by putting subliminal messages in Kravitz' songs.