User:Isra1337/How not to write

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Leon S. Kennedy[edit]

Leon S. Kennedy is one of the few survivors from the infamous Raccoon City epidemic involving the Gay-virus. Terrorism occured, and bunch of dead muslims humped Leon, and then the city asploded. Leon managed to escape in a space pod assigned by John F. Kennedy.

Resident Evil 2[edit]

It's 1998, and Leona S. Kennedy decides to go to Raccoon City to pose as a Police Officer so he can have free sex with prostitutes (if they don't bang him, he jails 'em). After running into a bunch of zombies, Leona decides that it's not safe on the streets, and he and a whore named Claire Redfield (who was having sex with Leon when the zombies rudely interrupted).

Unfortunately, there was a hobo sleeping in the back of the police car they'd stolen who woke up as they were driving along, scaring the crap out of Leon by asking him if he had any spare change, resulting in Leon losing his concentration and crashing into a very sturdy thin metal pole with a sign attatched. The car was crushed by a huge gas truck, which exploded right afterwards (according to reports, the driver of the truck was a zombie who thought he could drive, learning the hard way that driving through a little signpost with a gargantuan vehicle is nigh impossible). Leon and Claire escaped, but were seperated. The hobo wasn't so lucky, but nobody really cared.

Leon then went to the police station where he was reunited with Claire. After running around the police station being chased by zombies and a huge bald guy with an attitude problem, Leon and Claire went to the prison cells. It was there a large orgy occurred, which involved Leon, Claire, Ada Wong, Ben Bertolucci, 12-year-old Sherry Birkin, a female zombie prostitute, the pissed off bald guy, and Samuel L. Jackson. After Leon and Ben ran out of viagra, the team decided to head to the sewers, which somehow led them to an underground lab run by the evil company Umbrella. Leon blew up the lab, and he, Claire and Sherry escaped on a train, which also blew up after they'd left it. What became of Ada and Ben is unknown. Leon states "I last saw them fall off a bridge hitting each other. Ada had cut Ben's ponytail off, and he didn't take it as a joke."

Resident Evil 4[edit]

After getting tired of boning the same whore for six years, Leon dumped Claire. He decided to search for another whore who was supposed to be even BETTER than Claire - George Bush's daughter.

It involved a trip to Spain, and killing nine-hundred Spanish peasants who didn't like Leon's new emo hairstyle. When he rescued Ashley, he was disappointed. Pissed off at the fact that Ashley wasn't as attractive as he hoped, he moved back to America. About a year later Leon came across Claire again at an airport, and after the incident involving a bunch of zombies and an emo dude who turned himself into a monster, Claire and Leon drove back to Claire's place and they fucked hard for 5 days. Afterwards they secretly got married.