Leon Spinks

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Leon Spinks: "Spring Chicken"

Billionaire Leon "Pretty Boy" Spinks (conceived in Tucson, Arizona around 1850) is (possibly) one of the greatest actors in the known world. Formerly a male model and escort, Spinks rose to fame after playing the leading role in the "Sugar Ray Leonard Story". He now, most notably, runs a successful fashion design company and leading chain of sex shops.

It begins with hard times[edit]

If Spinks' tales of rags to riches are true, then his life story seems even more remarkable. His mother was a Catholic missionary with a penchant for Country music. His father a fiddle player from Louisiana with one eye, lamentably, this was for the ladies. They married around the time of Leon's birth, and is was shortly before this that the problems first began. The arrival of a bouncing baby boy put strain on the couples relationship. This resulting in them abandoning Leon in the Forest of Little Hope, where he was consequently raised by squirrels until the age of 15. The squirrels taught Spinks a valuable lesson in the importance of saving (nuts) for the future. He applied this "Squirrel Logic" to the stockmarket in later life, and after a few false starts, he swiftly accrued his vast wealth (but wait.. you are getting ahead of yourself).

Now it's getting better[edit]

As a result of his mothers Catholic genes, Spinks developed a taste for kittens around the age of 16 (him, not the kittens) and was briefly involved in the their trade. However, after a series of run ins with the law, Leon sought more legal but less moral ways of making money, and became a male model and escort. His brush with kittens, left its mark on Spinks and it is thought that he still has a kitten addiction to this day.

Oh, but then this![edit]

At 23, Pretty Boy, as he was now known, went into business with tycoon restaurateur William Burroughs, and the all new lunch time dining experience fashionably called "Naked" was born. The milk of success ran freely for the first few years, but due to 'Burroughs' megalomania, their relationship soured. Pretty decided he must quit, and left Burroughs to wallow in the cottage cheese of regret.

Desparate Measures?[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Leon Spinks.