Leonard J Crabs
December 11, 2019 at 21:47Leonard "J" Crabs invented the legal system in 1964 after failing at making female jock straps. He is also the first lawyer to travel thru time.
Leonard was born in 1809 to Polish peasants living on a peanut farm in western New Jersey. He spent many hours touching the twin nuts that he pulled out of the ground. By the age of 5, Leonard had invented a way of extracting what he called "The special juice" out of the nuts, thus inventing peanut juice. Later he would call it peanut butter and spend many hour expiramenting on dogs with the peanut butter goo.
Jock Strap Maker
While expiramenting with the dogs and peanut butter, Leonard realized that not enough women were into athletics. Leonard theorized that it was because there weren't any female jock straps suitable for them to use. Leonard began his research in this field by hiding in women's restrooms to see what kind of jock strap they would need. Work was going well until, one day in excitement, Leonard noisely gave himself away, thus push starting his exciting legal career.
Leonard The Lawyer
Leonard's introduction to the legal system was the result of his best friend, who we'll call Tiny, running into a tree after Leonard's screeming frightened him. Leonard was able to take the tree's owner to court and sue them for "really really gross negligence". To Leonard's suprise, he was awarded $15 million. After winning the case, leonard quickly forgot about "Tiny" and began spending the money to safisfy his carnal desire for Pez dispensers and Hustler magazines.
Leonard and the Future
In 1865, Abraham Lincoln took credit for Leonard's freeing of the Smurfs, an important event in US history. Angered by this, Leonard stole the Flux Capacitor from MIT and went back in time so he could make John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald, thus, being the only person alive to plan the assassination of both Lincoln and JFK.
Today Leonard practices law through his storefront operation he calls Leonard's Legal Barn, which replaces the earlier "Leonard's drive-through Legal Barn/Abortion Clinic/Donut Shoppe". Leonard has helped hundred (7) of people throughout the years, winning billions ($52.85) of dollars in cases all over the US (Utah).