Leopard

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“i bought a leopard and it sucked

~ oscar wilde on leopards


Leopard is an operating system released by Apple in 2007 as an attempt to catch up with the obviously superior feature set Windows Vista had over Tiger. Officially known as Mac OS X v10.5 "Leopard" Build 9A581, Leopard builds on the "Cool Look with No Obvious Use Whatsoever" focus of previous versions of Mac OS X.

New Features in Leopard[edit]

Steve Jobs claimed that there were over 300,999900 new features in Leopard. He lied, and a lame attempt to make his penis look big.

The features which you can actually see are:

  • Different Editions - Whereas previous versions of Mac OS X just came in one edition, Leopard comes in *six*. Those are the Basic Edition, the Premium Edition, the Enterprise Edition, the Business Edition, the Pirate Edition (available exclusively on BitTorrent), and the Ultimate Edition. Almost everybody buys the Ultimate version, as they all cost the same $129 regardless. However, even more people use the Pirate edition - after all, it's FREE!
  • Time Travel - A much-hyped new feature of Leopard is its inclusion of built in time travel. Using an application known as Time Machine, one can go back in time as far as you want, without losing any of your data! You can even restore your operating system to one from past history - handy if you want to run ENIAC software on your shiny new MacBook Pro. Watch out for the dinosaurs, though - several beta testers have reported bugs - not yet fixed - where dinosaurs can eat your data if you revert to the wrong time period. Note that Time Machine requires an external USB flux capacitor (the Apple iFlux is recommended) capable of 1.21 jigawatts of power at 88 MPH, and is not available in Utah due to the Mormons opposition to the technology.
  • Space - Another feature of Leopard is the fact that you, too, can fly into SPACE! Just install Leopard on that shiny new MacBook of yours, and off you go! Your screen is the cockpit, the Finder shows the outside view, and you have an easy-to-access Dashboard with many widgets including the temperature outside the MacBook you are using as a shuttle. You can even get multiple views of space with a feature known as Spaces - simply turn it on and press a key combination to display a different view. One thing is clear, though - there IS a trash can in Space. This feature was proposed for Ubuntu, but Mark Shuttleworth decided to keep it for himself.
  • Boot Camp - Additionally, each copy of Leopard comes with a complimentary trip to Boot Camp. Just open the Boot Camp application, and you can instantly install Debian Sarge on your system (you may want to put a more Gutsy commander in place, though, as Sarge is old and nearly dead). If you install Sarge, you will then be greeted with plenty of command prompts which constantly "bash" you and teach you how to "kill". After a trip to Boot Camp, one can easily reboot back into Mac OS X.
  • UNIX - Finally. but most importantly, Leopard has one feature that will give you bragging rights over Windows and Linux users everywhere. That's right, Leopard is UNIX! Take that GNU - you're Not UNIX!!! This means one thing - you are one step closer to being a leet hacker. Because everyone knows all leet hackers use UNIX - just watch Jurassic Park and see for yourself!
  • Space Invaders - The Main reason people by a mac is becuase of the games that come with Mac OS X. I mean with Chess, Photoshop and now even Space Invaders who would now think that a Mac is better for games!

System Requirements for Leopard[edit]

Leopard has the following system requirements:

  • Quad 1 THz Mac Pro with 250 TB RAM and 700 TB hard drive
  • One Jet Engine (used for exploring Space)
  • Flux Capacitor (used for Time Machine)
  • One Drill Sergeant: Preferably U.S. Marine, but Leopard is not picky (used for Boot Camp)
  • And Finally, the sacrifice of a real life leopard! You can't call it a leopard without a leopard, right? This is the biggest reason why nature-conscious vegan freaks have stayed away from this computer. No wonder the Leopard is one of the most endangered cats in the world.

Some have hacked Leopard to run on old hardware (including the entire Mac Performa series and even an SE/30 with new ROM chi, but this is not recommended).