Liberal Democrat

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The Liberal Democrats, or the "Yellow ones" to the ignorami of the apathetic British public, are the third largest party in the United Kingdom of Britannia (and Northern Pangaea). They have traditionally been a party of strong moral and political convictions; however, this is no longer the case, since they realised there was no need to be in order to secure the wishy-washy namby-pamby liberal vote.

The Whig and Humble Beginnings[edit]

The Whigs were old aristocrats who owned shares in the lucrative Lee Berel's Wig parlour which, as a consequence of a deal with George IV, granted all shareholders the right to sit in the House of Commons as an Member of Parliament. They were joined by the Tories or horse thieves whose punishment was to sit and listen to set piece orations form the sleep inducing Book of Lee Berelism and the Art of Making Wigs. They later formed the Whig Party.

Rise of Open Toed Sandals[edit]

The Liberal Party (Lee Berel changed his name by deed poll in 1922) found a niche market in the sale of open-toed sandals which make their members instantly recognisable, along with other features such as grizzly manes, cannabis spliff remains, and suede. Wearing socks with the sandals would result in a talking to from the whip.

Funnily enough every annual conference during this period 1950-1990 seemed to figure at least 5 motions for legalising cannabis/R.E.M.

The Fall of Open Toed Sandals[edit]

Yet the British Public did not fall for this facade and saw through the laid back exterior to the lazy arsed students that sat behind it. As a result the Liberal Party joined forces with Labour defectees, the Social Democrats, to plot the take over of the World Wide Westminister. Paddy Ashdown was seen as the ideal candidate to have as a frontman in the effort to prove to the public that the renamed Liberal Democrats were a party to be taken seriously. Unfortunately the only person to vote for Paddy was the little Irish Leprechaun that follows Tony Bliar around everywhere and who even managed to make Paddy believe the Liberals could form a coalition with the Labour party. Two laughs in one.

Charlie the Chesire Cat Chatshow Cheesecake Kennedy was elected leader the next time around hoping to improve the party's image, a charade he careful kept up for 11 years.

New Liberal Democrats[edit]

Often termed the Literal Democrats, the Liberal Democrats Political Party today stands at a crossroads, after ditching the Drunk Driver Charles "Chatshow Charlie Kennedy at the helm of the bandwagon. They must decide whether to head left to free market policies where cheap rents mean that boys can play for pennies, or to head to the right where saying "yes" means no, and "I am a family man" means I have had heterosexual relationships. The AA have reported to the party that the centre highway is clearly chock a block caused by the growing noses of Tony Bliar and Davd Cameroon who seem to be the cause of tail backs 20 years long.

The Liberal Whip[edit]

The Liberal Whip is of political importance since they are the only whip whose responsibilities include monitoring the dress code (of sandals). However, the Liberal whip is the only political whip that does not actually flog its members. Instead, they are let them off with a caution if they promise not to do it again. This is seen as much more nice and friendly, and is in line with their party's policy on crime and punishment.

Liberal Democrats and Homosexuality[edit]

Contrary to the title, one should not say "Liberal Democrats and homosexuality" as the two are the same thing. All Liberal Democrats are gay, except the bisexuals and those so old that it would be gross whatever they did. The Liberal Democrat whip is commonly used in bed when they have huge orgies. The one time that Liberal Democrats cease homosexual love making is during the party conference season, when they allow the Tories to do so.

Notable Liberal Democrats[edit]

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Non-notable Liberal Democrats[edit]

The Liberal Democrats have had 298,423 leaders, of which only 17 have ever been a member of the party. Previous leaders include:

The Liberal Democrats have 64 seats in the House of Commons, but they only get to sit on the fold-up ones which are normally kept in the cupboard because the other parties won't budge up, and only 63 of them remain in an unbroken state; the loser of a kitten huffing contest held before each meeting must sit "Indian style". The lock to the chair cupboard uses biometric data so secure it can only be found in Greg Mulholland's Eyebrows.