“Holy Bush, theres Black Water ”
“You mean we aint in I-Rack anymore?”
The most shallow piece of corn land between Wapakoneta and Fort Wayne also produces the most insane stenchworthy oil in all of the United States. Its also known as "Armpit Crude". The land was once settled by the Rich and Wealthy Shawnee Indians, who moved to Chicago to build the Sears Tower and own Da Bears. Lima is also where Chocolate Milk would be born.
Originally founded by John D. Rockefeller, a hero of George Bush, in 1818. He bought the land to plant a row of beans and raise a cow or two. But while he was cultivating the ground, he hit this black running flow of water. Thinking of his childhood tales, he proclaimed he found Willy Wonka's factory. He even went as far to have his 2 cows drink the new flavored water.
A few days after the entire farm was covered in this slippery substance, his cows were producing what he thought was "Chocolate Milk" which he was hoping to sell back in his native Cleveland. So upon trying a drink of this, he then realized it was far from the chocolate flavor he so desired. Instead, it had a nasty smell, almost as if his wife hadn't bathed in nearly 3 years.
He then brought in a few close millionaires from Cleveland where they discovered it was crude-oil. They agreed that the land would be valuable for years to come and decided to settle his 20 acre farm. After diner with his freshly bathed wife, he asked her what they should name the new city. She exclaimed, "I dont know, were Lost In Middle America". After many hours of thought and consideration, he decided he would shorten the name to L.I.M.A.
Only a few short years later, they began drilling for black water, and planting bean stalks around the town square. The beans would be later known as "Lima Beans" which also happens to be the city's mascot "Beanie". To this day, Liamites still aren't sure if they are prosperous due to the billions of dollars of armpit oil or the few stalks of beans from 1825. Either way, the city grew exponentially throughout the 19th century.
The 1945 Big Boom
Still not sure if the fat lady was exercising or fire was ignited in the nearby oil farm, but something went kaboom in 1945. Nearly 5 city blocks on the south end of the city went up in flames.
Many blame the gascious explosions came from one too many biscuts at KFC, however Yum Brands has declined to comment to this day.
In 1973, the economic collapse of Lima began. Once a prosperous community of over 100,000 humans, close to a million rats and a few stray cats and dogs, the city lost nearly half its population with the closing of various plants.
In 1979, the current mayor was elected at the ripe age of 96. David Berger who is a direct decendent of John D. Rockefeller has served as the mayor ever since. During his administration, he has been repsonsible for the loss of nearly 10,000 residents. Also in 1979, he opened up the water supply to the residents of the entire county making the city bare the burden and going bankrupt.
After nearly 200 years of a rollercoaster history, Lima has begun re-writting its future. They recently sold the oil production facility (largest landlocked facility in the world) to Candadian owned Husky Energy. The slogan for the company is "Our dogs bring us oil from those crazy people in Lima...run mut...run".
The addition of Saint Rita Memorial Health Central Vintricular Care to the community gives them a hospital that was built as a palace in honor of the city founder.
Elida Road is full of burger shops also known as West Heart Attack Street. Its also the home of 2 outpatient heart centers to service those who finish diner on the shopping strip.
Recently the city agreed to undergo a county-wide branding project. The results came back as "Americas Most Oily Hair city" and "Why the hell would you ever want to relocate your business here city". Its up to the voters to decide in November.
The Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden visited Lima as a campaign stop in 2008 and while here was offered services by over thirty thousand prostitutes along Bellefontaine Road. They have begun the process to move the IPA (International Prostitute Association) headquarters to Lima
- Dave Thomas, yeah, Wendy's dad