Lions Club

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The Lions Club was founded by Emperor Nero in 60 A.C. as a means of controlling the spread of Christianity. In the Southern United States it is known as the Ku Klux Klan and rides horses instead of lions.

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Lions Club.

Famous lions to be members include:

  • The MGM lion.
  • The producers of Whose Lion Is It, Anyway?
  • The inventors of "All our lions are busy, please hold..." voicemail systems.

While tigers are not authorized to be full members of the Lions Club, some honourary members include:

  • Tony the Tiger.
  • The Giant Tiger (of department-store fame).
  • The members of Canadian schlock-rock band Glass Tiger
  • The Esso "tiger in your tank" (actually just a blatant rip-off of Tony).

As a service club which eats Christian soldiers for breakfast, the Lions Club is considered to be one of Nero's more important accomplishments, restoring to lions a status which they hadn't enjoyed since the days of the biblical Daniel.

In modern times, Nero is best known for his invention of the DVD-RW burner, but we will always remember him along with the score at the Coliseum:

Lions 1 Christians 0

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