Lisa Kudrow

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“Holy shit switch off the TV Quick!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Lisa Kudrow


~ Sloth on Lisa Kudrow

Lisa Kudrow, is an actress best known for being the recipient of the most disgustingly useless and banal characters to be ever shown in movies and TV. She is also known for being the ugliest of the women in the series "Friends" making Rachel and Monica look like sex goddesses and diverting the rage of the public from being directed at Joey's uselessness and insignificance in the series.

Early Life[edit]

Lisa was born in the 60's to some jews, however instead of becoming a banker she decided to subvert society with her horrible acting and disfigured body. Her early life is largely unknown but it must have certainly involved copious amounts of industrial accidents which not only deformed her beyond recognition but annihilated the part of her brain that is responsible for acting ability. At the age of 16 she was recruited by PT Barnum's Travelling Freak show as the Human giraffe. She was famous around the country for wrapping her neck around boars and strangling them before ingesting them whole. However her true passion was acting so at the age of 20 she set out for Hollywood to conquer tinselville with her gravely deformed body and braying laughs.

Acting Career[edit]

Lisa began her acting career by scraping barnacles off Jeanine Garofalo's vagina. After years of inhaling toxic fumes and being bitten by crustaceans lurking amongst the coral reef that is Garofalo's hair valley, Lisa was driven completely insane and was deemed fit to join the soul sapping cast of "Friends". Her initial role was to be the hot, cock hungry blonde but no amount of make up could cover the fact that she was infact ugly. Therefore she interpreted the role of a homeless retarded guitar player who hung around the group for no apparent reason. The impact on the show was disastrous, the show lost almost all of the masturbating teens demographic in less than a week but due to her zionist ties she managed to keep her place on the show. At one point the filthy money grabbing parasite demanded that she be paid $1 million for each episode. She was promptly laughed out of the studio with such magnitude that she crossed three states before the laughing stopped. Alone in the wilderness Kudrow reviewed her situation and decided that she was too much of a greedy talentless whore to demand that amount of money and that it should actually be her who pays the producers to appear on the show. Wracked by guilt she returned to the studio where to her surprise she found out that she had obtained the pay rise because no one at the studio had ever laughed so hard. The series was eventually stopped due to Lisa's face reducing the viewer's number to less than a 100, all made up of gore fetishists.

Cinema Involvement[edit]

Back to her blood-sucking self she decided that the way forward was to take part in movies. She took part in "Analyze this" with Robert De Niro where she played the part of a benign tumor who has miraculously become sentient and was now bitching about mafia bosses and whatnot. She was also interpreted the part of a bear in Dr Dolittle 2. Her future plans involve making a movie about her life called "Kudrow: life of a leech" and interpreting the part of Peppa pig in the movie "Peppa Pig grows a neck"


Lisa Kudrow won an Emmy for "Most successful cause of erectile Dysfunction". Hungry for even more money than she has, she sold the Emmy a week later on Ebay under the username "Giraffarig101".