The Simpsons

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“A show with yellow Americans and white Asians truly transcends the times.”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Simpsons.

“D'oh!”

“I'd want to be on her”

Realhomer.jpg

The Simpsons (1987—), also known as That Crappy Remodeled Cartoon that was Once Something Great and in New Jersey as The Simps, was an animated monochromatic sitcom, originally rated TV-MA, that ran for eight precise seasons before hitting the Mike Scully era, when it entered its ongoing death spiral and became The Homer and Friends Wacky Half-Hour. After hitting the Al Jean era, Homer was put out of focus and the seeds of blandness were planted in his place. The show then became Homer and Marge Marriage Crisises, and began to rely on puns, poorly-written plot lines, and brutally unfunny jokes at the expense of Homer's stupidity.

Today, it's audience, who thoroughly refuses to accept that any remnant of coherent storytelling has long since disappeared from the show, consists mainly of children under the age of 7, elder Vietnam War veterans, lonely divorced housewives, emos, eskimos, druggies and everyone who was born in the early 1970's, for some reason. Throughout the course of its early seasons the show won several different awards, notably the three D'oh!s, the award for having great material from which other sub-par television shows can steal from, such as Family Guy. It has also won four grammies (but no one cares about grammies).

The show as of now is beyond terrible, and it's even embarrassing to be seen watching it. Sadly, many of its once hilarious and memorable characters are now subject to storylines and dialogue that is not in the least bit funny, and obviously composed by the mentally challenged writers of other retarded shows such as Friends and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Thanks a lot, Seth MacFarlane.

History of The Simpsons[edit]

Early Origins[edit]

Dan Castellaneta as he first appeared on The Simpson's Show in 1988. Note that his head was previously shaved to make place for the plug-hat of Megavolt - a role that left Dan bald, fat and impotent.
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The Simpson's show started off as a joke when regular drug store worker Matt Groening met with Tracy Ullman in 1987 when her car broke down by the store. For such a nice car fix, Tracy was in dept toward Matt and eventually decided to invite him over to a KFC for an eat out. Matt drank too much and later that evening confessed to Tracy that his life long dream was to create a robot from scrapped trash cans that would gamble and drink booze... Actually, that was his second dream, the first one being to create a yellow-skinned moron (and I don't have to link this one out to you because you're on the right page).

Later the same year, Tracy dumped Matt for Jay Leno, so Matt had to keep working on crappy jobs. As some point, however, something happened, and this the history does not disclose, that made Tracy realize all of the talent Matt Groening had in him, and eventually she decided to give it a shot and invite him and his crappy yellow cartoons to the show. Groening has taken interest in drawing his main character off of Dan Castellaneta when he was visiting Matt and chilling out in his basement. Hence, Homer Simpson was born as a fatal error of cartoon creation. When Tracy saw this abomination, she said Matt had better come up with an excuse to show such a cartoon on television. And Dan kicked his ass right after.

In 1988, the Simpson family was finalized and complete. The original set included Homer Simpson's, a happy Greek-turned-Turkish-turned-Muslim with his two wives Patty and Selma, their inbred parents Abe and the other Marge (also called Midge the Bountiful), and their kids: Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Poochie and Hans Moleman. Once again, Matt overdid it, especially insisting on his vision of having Maggie, a 1 year old baby, talk with a British slang in the series, as well as having an anthropomorphic animal within the house. Unlike Seth MacFarlane, however, Groening's childhood passion was not the Huckleberry Hound, hence he did not do the same mistake.

Present day study concludes that Matt Groening might have been color-sensitive with enhance vision of yellow before slowly regaining his normal state during the Clinton era. Although this statement was never proved to be true, the Simpson family finally made it to TV screen in 1989, after it was judged explicitly correct and represented an image of middle Americans, not the OJ freaks Matt had in mind (to his bitter disappointment). Matt had to hire his school mates Nancy Cartwright and Yardley Smith to voice respectively Patty and Selma, later on moved to Bart and Lisa, but not limited to (also trying out) Maggie, Santa's Little Helper and Snowball. Castellaneta was covering all the other roles, and Hank Azaria was hired to voice Maggie's pacifier.

What follows was a pretty boring sequence of something like four or five first seasons, during which some strange characters, such as Professor Monroe, Lester and Eliza, this long nosed mascot whose name I don't remember, black Smithers, etc., etc. have developed their character traits, only to be cut from the general storyline a couple of years later. You have to take it from me, this Groening guy was a very deranged lunatic, and still is, to this day, a bat fuck weird guy.

There was also an unsuccessful campaign by conservative Christian groups to get cheap publicity by accusing Marge of perverted Homersimpsonal desires and promoting Homersimpsonality, given how strangely erect her coiff becomes whenever she's around Homer. It didn't work, primarily because Marge was a heterosexual, not a Homersimpsonal. As for Homer himself, there is the possibility that he is one, given creepy scenes that showed him embracing himself in a lewd manner, with a playpen full of baby Homers. Attempts to have a 'sin' called "Margery" introduced into religious dogma failed miserably, as did attempts to criminalise the aformentioned "Margery." However, Marge clearly does seem to be susceptible to Homereroticism, even if no-one else is.

Fame Years and apogee[edit]

The show became famous after receiving a lot of pop culture reference injections toward the mid 1990s, starting about sixth or seventh season. Though the main cast changed little (Snowball II replaced Snowball) and Wiggum dyed his hair blue from black while Krusty the Clown somehow got his make-up to become his face, the show lived off the same jokes. And suddenly, they started to become funny, maybe because no other sitcom was airing at the time, beside that lazy propane instructions course, or perhaps a couple or two Sids and Nancies... Whatever it was, the show received a certain boost and by 1995 was considered number one sitcom of yellow-freaked reality.

During this time Matt made two episode specials, first the 100th episode, for which he hired an actor named Troy McClure who personally had sex with John Wayne but never admitted it, hence grew up as a child molester... Whom you might remember from some movie somewhere in the something but come on, refresh your memory, you surely remember him from somewhere! And the second

When people stopped watching the Simpsons, Fox tried to get their attention back with another ways like inserting parts of porn movies into the episodes. Unfortunately that didn't last for long.

show, Behind the Laughter, which revealed things people did NOT know about the Simpson's, notably:

A little known fact is that Homer Simpson might've been loosely related to the former American president Gerald Ford. The only person who could've denied it today is Gerald Ford himself, therefore, this must be true.
  • The fact that Bart's real name was Bartolomiej Czej Szymcki;
  • The fact that Nelson's famous "Ha-haw" was digitally compiled from following phrases: Edna Krabappel's "Hah!", Krusty's "Hey-Hey!", Scratchy's scream when Itchy chops his head off, Ned Flanders saying "Neighbourin-o" sped to 0.025 seconds, the Yes guy saying "Yeeeees!" without the Y and the S, and, of course, Cartwright saying "Ha-haw!";
  • The fact that Lisa was given growth hormones since 1989 and also featured in various pornographic footages along with Peter North and Peter Griffin under the nickname Lassie;
  • The fact that Homer Simpson's middle name was Homer Jay Leno Simpson;
  • The fact that Mr. Burns could not possibly be alive after being asphyxiated, kicked in the butt, stepped on his right foot, sweated to death, bitten by 25 puppies and Santa's Little Helper, booed by an angry crowd, crushed down by a huge useless robot, stabbed by a wooden stake, shot by Maggie, Smithers and OJ Simpson, beaten up by Homer Simpson, and injected enough morphine to glow alien green during the night;
  • The fact that the giant egg seen somewhere in a Season 6 episode at the Nuclear Power Plant was actually Ernie the Giant Chicken from Family Guy. They sued each other for a million dollars, and Hank Hill won;
  • The fact that every member of the Simpson family had a catchphrase, except Lisa, until "Dad!" was introduced in Season 10.
  • The fact that the show casts exactly 666 characters, is composed of 666 words per each episode, shows Homer 666 times per season if you count every frame of every episode he's in, counts inclusively 666 D'oh! said by Homer since Season 1 up to Season 15, all of which lets us to conclude that the show will run for 666 episodes in total, with 400 being already made (if you take 20 seasons of about 20 episodes for each season), which gives us 200 more episodes, hence ten more years of airing.

Despite the fact that it usually takes from 3 to 5 years to a middle-class viewer to get used to the show he or she sees on TV, or maybe due to a big increase in fame starting off with the 11th Season, Groening felt that he finally accomplished something important and that he was also good for something, after all. Rumors have it he proposed to Julie Kavner same year in 1999, only to hear a disgruntled runt from her side. Others would say that this part never happened. More others don't even read this shit, so there is no point I would even go on inventing all these lies.

Decline in Quality[edit]

Top: old, unrealistic, off-model animation. Bottom: new, more better expressive animation, with 200% more gags per second.

Basic fact, the Simpson's started to decline after season 13, when Groening let the main project go and concentrated on side sitcoms designed to re-adapt the same drawing style to today's reality, as more refined, more humorous and less yellow. Around the same time the main show was rehabilitated by Mike Scully, who shifted all focus to Homer and friends going on wacky get-rich-quick schemes, with unfunny results. Another staple of said decline era was the Simpson family traveling to at least one other country than US per season, starting with Japan in Season 10 and going on with Brazil in Season 11, Canada in Season 12, South Africa in Season 13, Britain in Season 14, Italy in Season 15 and Unamerica in Season 16.

During the same time, Sam Simon, the main scenario writer, had suffered from multiple brain seizures coming out after watching The Matrix, and had to succumb to Goa Tse therapy, eventually turning Buddhist and growing 3 feet long fingernails and 5 feet long hair. In this condition, it became difficult for Sam to try to write anything at all, so Groening had to have him replace by another playwriter. Mel Gibson auditioned for the job, but was fired five minutes later after trying to crucify Groening on the wall of his office for being Jewish. Finally, James L. Brookes was selected and had to pass the Stonecutter test in order to be accepted at the office.

The show slowly started to degrade and degenerated into all kinds of random humor jokes, such as Marge suddenly starting to dance for no reason, or Homer trying to act more stupid than he actually is, which makes him look smart, or Lisa gaining interest in spelling bees and crosswords all of a sudden, or Bart... You get the idea. I don't fairly know what was going about in the studios at the time, but you can pretty much say that whoever (or whatever) wrote those episodes must've been a spy working for Fuzzy Door, or probably a communist. And the less funnier were the Simpson's getting at the time, the more funnier were getting all the other crappy shows passing on Fox, who bought over Global TV just to run a huge subliminal campaign saying "Watch the Simpson's!" every time the Simpsons were on. Which was not a very smart move either - watchers packed up their stuff and traveled to another channel. And poked their eyes out.

In 2007, Groening tried the last approach in regaining popularity for the series by releasing a two-hour-long pain in the ass filled with the same random useless humor called The Simpsons Movie. Of the whole franchise, only the "Spider-Pig sequence" gained at least some popularity, which was lost once again when Homer referred to the pig as "Harry Plopper". This was the final hit in the series' stomach as per se, and if there was still some hope for that show to survive before, the movie destroyed it all. The Simpsons turned back to their first episodes by trying to revive the past in order to save the future by reinventing the storyline first with Homer and Marge as a young couple in the mid 1990ies (which does make even less sense than the characters themselves never growing up), then with them as the same young couple in the beginning on 2000, which is just stupid. In all of the sitcom history, it is the first time when an episode refers to another episode which aired about 10 years earlier by retelling the whole storyline (if any) and completely confusing the viewer.

The Simpsons Today[edit]

Why You Little *finish quote*!
In 2009, The Simpsons got shadows. In 2030, using the experimental SuperUltraReal3D technology, this is what Homer Simpsons might look like.

Today, the Simpsons represent that part of the shows which you "watch only because there is not much things to watch on a Wednesday night and honestly you don't feel like getting up for the remote even though it's just underneath your ass" along with things like "Fox Comedy Central", slowly but inevitably making its way to the total boredom of "King of the Hill". Matt Groening has been known to pay blind people to sit and watch the show, kidnap stars for guest appearances and even trying to raise the dead from the graves in order to lure people away from real sitcom rip-offs into gaining the audience back in all the ways possible.

Some say Groening even had sex with the Queen of England like, a year ago, to get PBS viewers to watch the Simpson's and avoid signing petitions which would land him as a missionary in Latin America. Whatever it is, there rests only one single question you want to ask Matt: Why? Why all that crap? Why just not start another show up to today's social trends which would fit in just fine with weird sitcoms as the Simpsons did with the Flintstones back in the 80s? We might never find out why, as the question remains unanswered...

The Cast[edit]

Main Characters[edit]

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  • Homer J. Simpson: Homer is father/husband figure of the Simpson family. Having studied for an aerospace cadet, he wound up working at the Springfield nuclear power plant and absorbed just enough radiation for all his hair to fall off. Somehow, the radiation also affected his age and he stuck being 36 years old. He's your average village idiot, but if you piss him off he'll whack your brains out. With all his alcohol and donut consumption, lack of intellect, and constant rage, it's a mystery as to how he's still alive.
  • Marjorie "Marge" Bouvier Simpson: The wife of Homer Simpson. Although she may not look as old as she really is, you might notice her pendulous, jutting strangely erect protuberant hair quivers whenever she's near Homer. Also, as a result of drunken gas station sex, Marge has severe cerebral cancer which also reflects on her voice and sexiness. The last years of her life were spent on YWCA reassignment, as her profile does not bond in any possible way with the life of today's housewives. But Marge is still hot...sometimes...to Moe Syzlak.
  • Bartholomew "Bart" Simpson: The Simpson family's son, once a normal human boy. Unfortunately, from getting hooked to an unknown drug in late 1999, he developed a spiky head and he permanently changed into a badass menace-type kid. Milhouse wasn't with Bart at the time and therefore stayed his normal self. Besides starring in the show, Bart currently lead a criminal life, often being sentenced to community services such as building demolition and Spanish translator with obvious lack in music skills.
  • Lisa Marie Simpson: Lisa was a dire result of unfinished abortion that Marge tried to have after drinking too much spiked punch. She is the pretty much the only smart person in the Simpson family (or in the whole show), not that anyone cares.
  • Margaret Eleanor Charlotte Orville Beefeather "Maggie" Bouvier Simpson: A living substitute robot bought by Groening from the Japanese, which was reprogrammed by the CIA as a killing machine, but later disused due to its ineffectiveness of not being "cute enough", as compared with the new prototype "Stewienator 1000", used by Seth MacFarlane. Maggie was then reintroduced to the Simpson's family after their memory was wiped clean.
  • Santoz "Lil' Hopper" Santario, a.k.a. Santa's Little Helper is the Simpson family dog with the brain of an immigrant worker from Peru whose body was used to feed the Peruvian starving children after he suffered from a Mafia gundown. He now lives as the Simpson's dog and vows his revenge on Brian Griffin, who was a cop back then and shot him down. Besides that, Santa's Little Helper enjoys eating turkey!
  • Snowball 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5 were all (except 5) a series of unsuccessful devices to spy on the Simpson's while they're not aired, which were all "accidentally" killed by Lisa.
  • Abraham Simpson: due to an unknown illness and possible mess with time travel, the grampa Simpson might not be as old as he actually looks (kind of like Benjamin Button). As all members of some stupid fish cult and old Vietnam veterans (that's right, I know whom you just thought of), Abe's yearly income is much more than that of all of the Simpson's combined, hence they kicked him out of the family long ago. He is also the only surviving member of the black Nazi Taliban gay sober communist clan, besides his own grandfather, Mr. Burns.

Minor Characters[edit]

Theeeeeeeme... from a Sum-mer plaaaaaace...

The secondary and tertiary characters of the series include Lenny, Carl, Krusty the Klown, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Comic Book Guy, Ned Flanders, Maude Flanders, Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders, Reverend LoveJoy, Milhouse Vanhouten, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Martin Prince, Moe Syzlak, Itchy and Scratchy, Montgomery Burns, Smithers, Principal SKINNER!, Superintendent Chalmers, Mrs. Krabapple, Groundskeeper Willie, Professor Frink, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Sideshow Mel, Sideshow Bob, Barney Gumble, Jimbo Jones, Duff Man, Chief Wiggum, SpiderPig/Harry Plopper, Jasper Beardly, and so much more. Did I forget anyone? Oh well, The Simpsons must have a million different characters, far too much to list here.

Guest appearances[edit]

In 1998 there was controversy when during a live episode Homer Simpson referred to guest star Dennis Rodman as being "too skinny", provoking another guest star Russell Crowe to start a fight with members of the live audience and throw phones at them. The show had to be ultimately canceled halfway through a broadcast when Crowe threatened to bring in the baddies to "fix" Homer. The press from this incident was undeniably damaging. Newspaper headlines cruelly renamed Bart Simpson as Bart Douchebag. The Source magazine ran a cover story petitioning Bob Dole for the return of Twin Peaks. The furore died down later in the month, but the public backlash to the incident convinced Wallis to go into hiding. From which he would not return until late into 38,946. Bart Simpson was arrested for indecent exposure as he was found "Building a Solar Powered, High Speed Monorail" with Leonard Nimoy in public on a highway. This scandal has left The Simpson family distraught and Bart has recently released a statement saying I didn't do it which was revoked after controversy with Krusty and copywriters at Fox. He re-released a statement saying My dad does it.In early 20001 The Simpsons sparked new controversy with its graphic portrayal of incest in the episode "A game for all the family." In the episode Lisa performs a sex act on her brother Bart, after he catches her on a unicorn with Tom Hanks. It is rumoured that this incident is what caused Bart to become the brain dead south park addicted moron he is today, though this has not been proven.

Criticism and controversy[edit]

A famous Simpson of yesteryear.
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to The Simpsons.

A major criticism of the show is that many episodes have gone unwatched. The clip-show episode "All Singing, All Dancing" is yet to receive a single viewer on account of awfulness as well as Simpson's singing and dancing. Currently, the only viewer of the show who is not old, young or lonely is Ms. Catherine Muttonchop - pictured right - who bought an entire collection of Simpson merchandise for $0.65 on eBay.

Many have found that the show to be lacking in cultural substance even in it's later years when it showed it's political nature and leaning towards secular values. Episodes aired such as the one where Homer realised that he was a failed Partial Birth Abortions, Marge engaging in lesbian sex with Patty and Selma and Lisa and Bart becoming members of PETA and Maggie starting a Jesus website and it turned away as it was purely for shocking and overly unnecessary preaching to its audience. Fox News anchor Bill O' Reilly cited unfair and unbalanced political leanings. Everyone ignored the report. The show while leaning back at times towards its humbler and wackier beginnings with jokes and situations more of a sitcom if you will, the hollow and opinionated episodes later only acted as though they had more weight. The show still has over 132,664,331 viewers around the world.

Fighting Battle Crossover - Crossover: Disney vs. Warner Bros vs. 20th Century Fox - Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, Pluto and other universe characters, Disney films, TV, Pixar, Star Wars and Marvel Comics (including Hulk, Spider-Man, X-Men, Fantastic Four and the Marvel superheroes) vs. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and other Looney Tunes cartoon characters, Scooby-Doo, The Flintstones, Hanna-Barbera, Tom and Jerry, Cartoon Network characters and DC Comics (including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and the DC superheroes) vs. Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Maggie Simpson, other Simpsons characters, Futurama, Family Guy, and other Fox characters from TV and movies

Crossover: Disney vs. Warner Bros vs. 20th Century Fox - Tinker Bell and other Disney feature animation movie characters, TV, Pixar, Star Wars and Marvel Comics (including Hulk, Spider-Man, X-Men, Fantastic Four and the Avengers) vs. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and other Looney Tunes cartoon characters, Scooby-Doo, Tom and Jerry, Cartoon Network characters and DC Comics (including Superman and Batman) vs. Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Maggie Simpson and other Simpsons characters and other Fox characters from TV and movies

Fighting Battle Crossover - Crossover: Disney vs. Warner Bros vs. 20th Century Fox - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, TV, Pixar, Star Wars and Marvel Comics (including Hulk, Spider-Man, X-Men, Fantastic Four and the Marvel superheroes) vs. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and other Looney Tunes cartoon characters, Scooby-Doo, The Flintstones, Hanna-Barbera, Tom and Jerry, Cartoon Network characters and DC Comics (including Superman and Batman) vs. Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Maggie Simpson, other Simpsons characters, Futurama, Family Guy, and other Fox characters from TV and movies

(The episode begins with a memoriam)

"This episode is dedicated to Sam Simon (One of the co-developers of "The Simpsons," along with James L. Brooks and Matt Groening), 1955-2015."

(We then cut to black and a quote)

'"Is it Ice Cream?"

-An old Springfield proverb-'

(We then cut to Jerk in front of the Universal Studios Hollywood entrance sign.)

Jerk: To all who come to this reasonably content place, welcome. I'm Some Jerk With A Camera! (We cut to the entrance archway for the park with the "Some Jerk With A Camera" Logo in the same style as "The Simpsons.") Universal hates itself! No, really, Universal hates itself.

Jerk (v/o): Oh, sure, they try to act confident. After all, they are one of only two Hollywood studios with the guts to get into the theme park business (Besides Disney) permanently (Paramount's Kings Island), domestically (WB Movie World in Australia and 20th Century Fox World in Malaysia), consenually (Disney-MGM Studios). But, beneath that veneer of confidence, Universal knows it is but a shell of itself; (as the Universal logo music deflates in the background) a fraud, a phony, a charlatan that can't handle the theme park business alone.

(Cut to Jerk, riding the Starway escalator to the Lower lot)

Jerk: Depression is a terrible disease like any other, and if corporations were people, it stands to reason that they would develop the ailments of regular 'people' people. I mean, it's got all the symptoms; weight gain (We then cut to the under construction "Wizarding World of Harry Potter"), mood swings (We cut to split screen clips of "We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story!" and "Schindler's List" (both two projects from Steven Spielberg's Amblin Entertainment) with "We're Back" given the caption "November 1993" and "Schindler's List" with "December 1993"), denial (Cut to a commercial for the park with a walk-around a character of Marylin Monroe), and abusive behavior towards loved ones. (Cut to a poster for the film adaptation of "50 Shades Of Grey") Not to mention, the only movies they've ever made about theme parks are disaster movies, where everything goes horribly wrong and hundreds of tourists get horribly killed! Stan Lee (1922-2018), Stephen Hillenburg (1961-2018), Futurama (1999-2013), Regular Show (2010-2017) and The Cleveland Show (2009-2013) R.I.P. Rest in Peace collegehumor gumbino dorkly flashgitz clevertv tapped out lego dimensions sandiegoborn32 xingo sonic.exe giygas strangling why you little strangles Kamp Koral τριχοθσ οφ χορρορ ɐɯɐɹnʇnꓞ ɐɯɐɹnʇnɟ ɒmɒɿυɈυꟻ ɒmɒɿυɈυʇ ɻnϝnʁɑwɑ Էnϝnʁɑwɑ iceberg ᐃᓄᒃᑎᑐᑦ inuktitut τρεεηοθσε οφ ηορρορ τrεεhουsε οf hοrrοr s4videos тгееһоuѕе оf һоггог wtf boom allakhu akbar mlg sfm Regular Show (2009-2017) gmod dr doctor octagonapus deranged woman screaming sound effects imma firin mah lazer Humans of Earth, I come in peace. You need not fear me, I mean you no harm. However, it is important to note that most of you will not survive the next 24 hours. The few of you that do survive will be enslaved and experimented upon. You should, in no way, take any of this personally. It's just business. So to recap, I come in peace, I mean you no harm, and you all will die. Gallaxhar out. Greetings, sub-life-forms of Earth. I am Captain Mozar of the Triceraton Empire. Let it be known, your planet is infested with Kraang an insidious alien bent on mutating Earth into their own home world. We Triceratons will eliminate these hideous aliens, freeing you of their vile plans. Unfortunately, your Earth will be annihilated as well. That is all. And, please, have a nice day. Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now! трихоус оф хоррор трихаус оф хорор горор thefinebros горрор itchy and scratchy earrape banksy YOU-LAZY NO-GOOD SLACKERS DRIVE ME NUTS!!! CAN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME ONCE IN YOUR WORTHLESS LIVES?! 'CAUSE IF YOU DID, YOU'D SEE I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU SOME SIMPLE RESPONSIBILITY, SOME PRIDE IN DOING A JOB WELL DONE!! BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW A JOB WELL DONE IF YOU PAID SOMEONE TO DO IT FOR YOU, AND EVEN THEN YOU'D SCREW IT ALL UP ON THE ACCOUNT THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN FOLLOW THE SIMPLEST OF INSTRUCTIONS, WORRYING MORE ABOUT LOOKING COOL THAN DOING YOUR JOB!!! brvr. solyentbrak1. tohad. teefury. teeturtle. flashgitz. hotdiggedydemon. poykpac. screenrant. ukinojoe rackaracka. gryffonmanic. baddwing. coolzdanethe5th. alltime10s. therichest. dark5tv. phantomstrider. blameitonjorge. beyondsciencetv. seeyareelsoon. wywds. animash. enyahtf98. sandiegoborn32. thedieingyoung. thehtfamv. ytpt. ecomog. ecomogtv2. fliqpy supermariologan superluigilogan superbowserlogan jeffy spengbab spengebab patolino pernalonga suosdwis bloodblitz ivanbediting mlpmv rytp rytpt ytphtennis adultswimisevil tio lu okido yhctarcs dna yhcti why you little d'oh animeme wabbit treehouse of terror threehouse of horror theehouse of horror trehouse of horror teehouse treeouse treehuse treehose treehoue treehous horroh treehawuse of horrah treehousimpsons of simpsorror butterfinger sacomoene creepsmcpasta gsmaestro Putonghua Flemish ƨnoƨqmiƨ oneminutegalactica outworldz aaawww5tw thezapperita watchmojo mrdoctorvendetta 9go 7mate 7flix unikitty's rage treehouse of horror screams suosdɯᴉs suosdɯıs futuram futurami futuramer futurerama MA15+ M15+ X18+ R18+ vanityfair.com that's all folks Merrily We Roll Along and The Merry Go Round Broken Down. FCCD. Family Guy Star Wars (Blue Harvest, Something Something Something Dark Side and It's a Trap) (Laugh It Up, Fuzzbell: The Family Guy Trilogy). Alright, you two! OUT! And don't even think about dragging your empty skulls around here for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow! Or next week! Squidward, does that include…? YES, IT DOES! Gee, Patrick, do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something? YES, I WAS! You call yourselves good neighbors?! You're the worst neighbors ever! You don't deserve to wear those fezzes! Gee, Pat, maybe President Squidward's right. Yeah, I guess we aren't good neighbors after all. NO, YOU AREN'T! YOU'RE HORRIBLE NEIGHBORS! And stop calling me president! - Seth MacFarlane and Matt Groening's two most TV shows and episodes including The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror and Family Guy Star Wars in were created 1990 and 2007 respectively. In May 15, 1989 - The first television film of Treehouse of Horror - created by Matt Groening - Based for The Simpsons shorts by The Tracey Ullman Show - Opening Intro music: Simpsons Springfield a Lot About You and Closing Outro: Simpsons Springfield a Lot About You (Instrumental) - First appearance of Kang and Kodos. saturday morning cartoons jabig thehtfamv trheehouse of horror simprick and mortysons wick and mowty ytrom dna kcir futuwama tweehouse of howwow foutourahmah homarge barisaggie redhead hothead angrybirdsnest hreetouse of torror fliqpy skodwarde spengbab mugen couch gag intro goanimate version gamegrumps andywilson92 rorroh fo esuoheert egar s'yttikinu yttikinu cntwo gryffonmanic baddwing amarutuf strongdrew941 fxx.exe animebromii goanimate ex515 futuramer coolzdanethe5th ɹoɹɹoɥ ɟo ǝsnoɥǝǝɹʇ ʎʇɹoɯ puɐ ʞɔᴉɹ ʎʇɹoɯ puɐ ʞɔıɹ ʎʇʇᴉʞᴉun ʎʇʇıʞıun an0nymooose thecartoonman12 blameitonjorge ꓕʁEEHOꓵƧE OԷ HOʁʁOʁ ɿoɿɿoH ʇo ǝƨυoʜǝǝɿT ʁᴉcĸ ɑuq Woʁϝλ γɈɿoM bnɒ ʞɔiЯ solyentbrak1 imasaiyancayla unklejoe whattowatchon.tv oneminutegalactica mrmrmangohead tohad lindalirious alpacahawk rackaracka rytpmv hytp hytpmv cancion la casita del horror remix hishedotcom smg4 supermarioglitchy4 treehorror of house horrorboom.com drawception tohad teefury teeturtle tsthoh tsto tstoh thoh toh theme song mario8989 sparta extended remix hardcore hardstyle dj dubstep psytrance goa mashreghnews.ir cinemassacre electro house techno remix fxx xxf portrayed by flashgitz poykpac treehouse of horror futurama disenchantment family guy american dad the cleveland show rick and morty drawn together south park regular show dragon ball z unikitty bordertown bob's burgers the epic tales of captain underpants king of the hill fox sports nine sports wwe squidbillies robot chicken bojack horseman mtv music videos roosterteeth irategamer beavis and butt head jackass duckman american horror story supernatural seth macfarlane's cavalcade of cartoon comedy gravity falls duncanville saw 2012 (2009 movie) happy tree friends supernanny baman piderman the big bang theory modern family flashgitz sr pelo xploshi 123pendejos rob yulfo anthraxyulfo paul vids garfielf kamp koral sfm mmd gmod megamix goa wako lasaga lasagna spengebab sir isaac nationoforanges696 500th 600th 666th 700th episode Treehoues 51mp50n5 tik tok kesha fgteev ahsek kot kit daneboe gagfilms 5impsons sonpsims terehouse treheouse treehuose treeohuse horroh reehouse trhs f hrrr mlpmv simpfxx fxxsons treehuose treeouhse rteehouse ohrror disney disney+ disney plus hbo max paramount+ paramount plus treehouze of horror treehause of horror family guy star wars streaming service promo sneak peek trailer official teaser aptamil garfielf sirisaacchannel cory clayton tr33h0us3 0f h0rr0r tr33h0u53 0f h0rr0r rackaracka angry video game nerd supermariologan bloodblitz wabbit kill da wabbit ozzy ozzyguy screaming sound effects simprick and mortysons sonssimp sonpsims teerhouse vidspauls davemadson trihaus of horor trixaus of xoror trixaus of xorror trihaus of horror looney tunes merrie melodies scooby-doo tom and jerry hanna-barbera tiny toon adventures tiny toons pinky and the brain animaniacs the simpsons tracey ullman shorts the amazing world of gumball archer etc. funvideotv habspuck hotdiggedydemon bowser12345 mondomedia Trééhöüsë øf Hórrór bmoneyrulz oneyplays oneyng Rallo, from now on, there will be no video games! And no internet! No Angry Birds! No Angry Birds for Android! No Kindle! No Zune! No TiVo! No Roku! No Pronto! No Pixi! No Swidget! No PlayPad! No Migo! No Linkster! No Tickle Me Elmo! No Texas hold'em with seven grown-up gamblers who somehow got into your room! No dressing up as Al Sharpton! Listen you crustaceous cheapskate! Squidward's been living at my house, driving me crazy! And you're not going to hire him back ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID DIME! ex515 'Member which way we're going? I 'member. Hey hey, 'member the Ewok village? Oh I 'member! I 'member 'Member 'member! Oh shit, hang on. Hey you, shut the fuck up! Yeah, we're gonna kill you, 'member? Oh, I 'member. Oh, 'member this song? Sure, I 'member. I love this song, it was fanta'tic, 'member? Oh I 'member. Oh I love it when you 'member! 'Member! 'Member? {| class="article-table" | |- | | |- | | |- | | |} {| class="article-table sortable" !Title !Premiere date !Current season !Note(s) |- |Apple & Onion |February 23, 2018 |2 | |- |Craig of the Creek |March 30, 2018 |3 |[a] |- |Victor and Valentino |March 30, 2019 |2 | |- |Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart |July 1, 2019 |1 |[1] |- |Elliott from Earth |March 29, 2021 |1 | |}


Contents Warner Bros. Animation Canadian co-productions Acquired programming Repeats of ended programming Original programming Upcoming programming Original programming Cartoon Network Studios Warner Bros. Animation Live-action and live-action/animated series Canadian co-productions European co-productions Cartoonito programming Original programming Cartoon Network Studios Warner Bros. Animation Acquired programming Former programming Former original programming Animated series Live-action and live-action/animated series Miniseries Former short series Former European co-productions Former Canadian co-productions Warner Bros. Animation Title Premiere date Current season Note(s) Teen Titans Go! April 23, 2013 6 [2][a] DC Super Hero Girls March 8, 2019 1 [2][a][3] Canadian co-productions Title Premiere date Current season Note(s) Total DramaRama September 1, 2018 3 [4] Bakugan: Battle Planet December 23, 2018 2 [a][5][6] Acquired programming Title Premiere date Current season Note(s) Ninjago December 2, 2011 13 [a][7] Power Players September 21, 2019 1 [2][8] Repeats of ended programming Original programming Title Premiere date Finale date(s) Date(s) rerun Note(s) The Amazing World of Gumball May 3, 2011 June 24, 2019 2019–present [2] Tracker Honest Game Trailers | Pokémon Snap

X dslogo Upcoming programming Original programming Cartoon Network Studios Title Premiere date Note(s) We Baby Bears 2021 [9] Unicorn: Warriors Eternal [b][10] Gross Girls TBA [11][12] Warner Bros. Animation Title Premiere date Note(s) Tiny Toons Looniversity 2021 [b][10][13] Teen Titans Go! The Night Begins to Shine TBA [11] Live-action and live-action/animated series Title Premiere date Note(s) Tweety Mysteries TBA [11][14] Family Mash-Up TBA [11][15] Canadian co-productions Title Premiere date Note(s) Total Drama Island (revival) TBA [b][11] European co-productions Title Premiere date Note(s) The Heroic Quest of the Valiant Prince Ivandoe 2021 [16] Jade Armor 2022 [b][11][17] Cartoonito programming Original programming Cartoon Network Studios Title Premiere date Note(s) Jessica's Big Little World TBA [11] Warner Bros. Animation Title Premiere date Note(s) Batwheels 2021 [b][18] Little Ellen [b][19] Unlimited Squirrels! [b][10][13] Bugs Bunny Builders [11] Tom and Jerry Junior TBA [11] Acquired programming Title Premiere date Note(s) Thomas & Friends: All Engines Go Fall 2021 [20] Mush-Mush and the Mushables [11] Ladybird Lu TBA [11] Lucas the Spider [21] Former programming Former original programming Animated series See also: Cartoon Cartoons

Title Premiere date Finale date(s) Date(s) rerun Note(s) The Moxy Show December 5, 1993 December 25, 1995 1995–96 Space Ghost Coast to Coast April 15, 1994 July 22, 2001 2001 [c] What a Cartoon! February 20, 1995 November 28, 1997 (as main show) August 23, 2002 (as collective series)

2002–03; 2005–08[22] [d][2] Dexter's Laboratory April 28, 1996 November 20, 2003 2003–08; 2012–14 [e][f][2] Johnny Bravo July 14, 1997 August 27, 2004 2004–08; 2012–14 Cow and Chicken July 15, 1997 July 24, 1999 1999–2003; 2005–07; 2009; 2012–13 I Am Weasel September 16, 1999 1999–2003; 2005–07; 2009; 2012–13 The Powerpuff Girls (original series) November 18, 1998 March 25, 2005 2005–14 Ed, Edd n Eddy January 4, 1999 November 8, 2009 2009–14 [f][2] Mike, Lu & Og November 12, 1999 May 27, 2001 2001–04 [2] Courage the Cowardly Dog November 22, 2002 2002–15 [e][f][2] Sheep in the Big City November 17, 2000 April 7, 2002 2002 Time Squad June 8, 2001 November 26, 2003 2003–05 Samurai Jack August 10, 2001 September 25, 2004 2004–05; 2008; 2012 [c][2] Grim & Evil August 24, 2001 October 31, 2003 2003; 2005–08; 2012–13[23][24] [e][f] Whatever Happened to... Robot Jones? July 12, 2002 November 14, 2003 2003–2008 [e] Codename: Kids Next Door December 6, 2002 January 21, 2008 2008–14 [f][2] The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy June 13, 2003 November 9, 2007 2007–10; 2012–14; 2017 Evil Con Carne July 11, 2003 October 22, 2004 2004–07; 2012–13 [e][f][2] Star Wars: Clone Wars November 7, 2003 March 26, 2005 2005 Megas XLR May 1, 2004 January 15, 2005 2005–06 Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends August 13, 2004 May 3, 2009 2009–14 [f][2] Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi November 19, 2004 June 27, 2006 2006 The Life and Times of Juniper Lee May 30, 2005 April 9, 2007 2007–10 [2] Camp Lazlo July 8, 2005 March 27, 2008 2008–10; 2012–14 [f][2] Sunday Pants October 2, 2005 October 30, 2005 2005–06 My Gym Partner's a Monkey December 26, 2005 November 27, 2008 2008–10; 2012–13 [f] Ben 10 (original series) December 27, 2005 April 15, 2008 2008–10; 2012–13; 2016; 2017 [2] Squirrel Boy May 27, 2006 September 27, 2007 2007–08; 2009 Class of 3000 November 3, 2006 May 25, 2008 2008-10 Chowder November 2, 2007 August 7, 2010 2010–14 [f][2] Transformers: Animated December 26, 2007 May 23, 2009 2009–10 [g] Ben 10: Alien Force April 18, 2008 March 26, 2010 2010–12 The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack June 5, 2008 August 31, 2010 2010–14 [f][2] The Secret Saturdays October 3, 2008 January 30, 2010 2010–12 [2] Ben 10: Ultimate Alien April 23, 2010 March 31, 2012 2012–13 Generator Rex January 3, 2013 2013–14 Adventure Time April 5, 2010 September 3, 2018 2018; 2019; 2020 [2][h] Regular Show September 6, 2010 January 16, 2017 2017; 2018; 2019 [2] Sym-Bionic Titan September 17, 2010 April 9, 2011 2011 [h] Robotomy October 25, 2010 January 24, 2011 The Problem Solverz April 4, 2011 March 30, 2013[note 1] 2011–12 [i] Secret Mountain Fort Awesome August 1, 2011 March 29, 2012 2012–13 Ben 10: Omniverse August 1, 2012 November 14, 2014 2014 [2] Uncle Grandpa September 2, 2013 June 30, 2017 N/A Steven Universe November 4, 2013 January 21, 2019 2019 Mixels February 12, 2014 October 1, 2016 2016–17 Clarence April 14, 2014 June 24, 2018 N/A We Bare Bears July 27, 2015 May 27, 2019 2019–20 The Powerpuff Girls (2016) April 4, 2016 June 16, 2019 N/A [2] Mighty Magiswords September 29, 2016 May 17, 2019 N/A Ben 10 (2017) April 10, 2017 Tomorrow (April 11, 2021) TBA [2][25][26] OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes August 1, 2017 September 6, 2019 2019 Summer Camp Island July 7, 2018 July 21, 2019 2019 [j][27][2] Infinity Train August 5, 2019 January 10, 2020 2020 [j][28] Steven Universe Future December 7, 2019 March 27, 2020 N/A Live-action and live-action/animated series Title Premiere date Finale date Date(s) rerun Note(s) Big Bag June 2, 1996 May 31, 1998 1998–2001 [k] Out of Jimmy's Head September 14, 2007 May 29, 2008 2008 [k][2] BrainRush June 20, 2009 July 22, 2009 2009 [29] Bobb'e Says August 19, 2009 September 23, 2009 Destroy Build Destroy June 9, 2009 September 17, 2011 2011–12 The Othersiders June 17, 2009 October 30, 2009 2009 Dude, What Would Happen August 19, 2009 September 21, 2011 2011–12 Tower Prep October 16, 2010 December 28, 2010 2010–11 Level Up January 24, 2012 February 19, 2013 2013 The High Fructose Adventures of Annoying Orange May 28, 2012 March 17, 2014 2014 [k] Incredible Crew December 31, 2012 April 11, 2013 2013–14 [29] Miniseries Title Premiere date Finale date Date(s) rerun Note(s) Over the Garden Wall November 3, 2014 November 7, 2014 2014–17 Adventure Time: Stakes November 16, 2015 November 19, 2015 2016–18 Long Live the Royals November 30, 2015 December 3, 2015 2015 Adventure Time: Islands January 30, 2017 February 2, 2017 2018 Adventure Time: Elements April 24, 2017 April 27, 2017 2018 Clarence's Stormy Sleepover June 5, 2017 June 9, 2017 2017 Former short series Title Year(s) aired Note(s) Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends shorts 2006–07 [30][31] My Gym Partner's a Monkey shorts 2006–08 Billy's Birthday Shorties 2006 Camp Lazlo shorts 2006–08 The Life and Times of Juniper Lee shorts 2006–07 Irwin Hearts Mandy 2007 The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack shorts [32] The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy shorts [30][31] Ben 10 shorts 2008–12 Squirrel Boy shorts 2008 Nacho Bear 2008–10 [32] Calling Cat-22! 2008–09 Big Baby B.A.E.: The Bremen Avenue Experience The Talented Mr. Bixby Hot Dog TV 2010 Track Rats [29] La'Antz and Derek 2010–11 Teddy Blue Eyes 2010 Rad Roach 2010–11 The Swashbuckling Perils of the Adventures of the Men & Jeremy OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes 2016 Get 'Em Tommy! 2016–17 DIY 2018 Former European co-productions Title Year(s) aired Note(s) The Cramp Twins 2004–08 Robotboy 2005–13 Fantastic Four: World's Greatest Heroes 2008–11 Chop Socky Chooks 2008–10 Hero: 108 2010–13 [2] Former Canadian co-productions Title Year(s) aired Note(s) Storm Hawks 2007–09 [l] George of the Jungle 2007–09 My wife is Barney now. Why aren't I sad? What is my character arc in this episode? Marge. Marge, I have no character arc! Marge! Mmmm I am your character arc! You better get one! Mmmmmmmm I will love you forever Forever I am your wife B-But Marge! No butts Bring me head of pig Bring me eggs Only eggs can sustain me All Donald Duck and Chip 'n' Dale cartoons (Donald chasing Chip 'n' Dale), All Minnie kidnappers from Mickey Mouse cartoons, Disaster films, Final Destination films, The Divide (2011), Rec (film), Zombie movies, The Tracey Ullman Show - The Simpsons Shorts (all Homer says Why you Little and Why those Little shorts), Attack on Titan (2015 Movie), World War Z (2013 Movie), Train to Busan (2016), Train to Busan 2, San Andreas (2015), Dragon Ball Z episodes (all DBZ Fighting and Kamehameha episodes), Sharknado films, Star Wars The Old Republic Cinematic Trailers, Twister (1996), Paranormal Activity films, Annoying Orange (episodes) (all Annoying Orange deaths), Horror movies, Mario all video games (Mario rescues Bowser's kidnap Peach), The Simpsons Game (2007), Hunky and Spunky (1938), all Popeye, Olive Oyl and Bluto cartoons (Popeye rescues Bluto's kidnap Olive), all Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse and Pete cartoons (Mickey rescues Pete's kidnap Minnie), Shrek 4D (2003), Supernatural episodes, Regular Show episodes, Saw movies, Geostorm (2017), Legion (2010), Alice in Wonderland (2010), Greenland (2020), Buried (2010), Happy Tree Friends episodes, Dragon Ball Z episode - A Hot, Unbounded Battle (Goku vs. Vegeta) (December 13, 1989), The Simpsons episode - Treehouse of Horror VI (October 29, 1995), Mad TV - Clops 1-5, Futurama episode - The Sting (June 1, 2003), Justice League Unlimited episode - The Once and Future Thing, Part One: Weird Western Tales (January 22, 2005), Justice League Unlimited episode - The Once and Future Thing, Part Two: Time, Warped (January 29, 2005), SpongeBob SquarePants episode - Good Neighbors (May 20, 2005), Justice League Unlimited episode - The Balance (May 28, 2005), The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy episode - My Fair Mandy (July 29, 2005), South Park episode - Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow (October 19, 2005), My Gym Partner's a Monkey episode - Inoculation Day (December 26, 2005), Family Guy episode - Petergeist (May 7, 2006), Ben 10 episode - Ben 10,000 (November 25, 2006), The Simpsons episode - Treehouse of Horror XVIII (November 4, 2007), South Park Imaginationland The Movie (2008), South Park episode - Pandemic (October 22, 2008), South Park episode - Pandemic 2: The Startling (October 29, 2008), South Park episode - The Ring (March 11, 2009), Monsters vs. Aliens (2009), The Simpsons episode - Treehouse of Horror XX (October 18, 2009), 2012 (2009 Movie), South Park episode - Pee (November 18, 2009), South Park episode - You Have 0 Friends (April 7, 2010), Shaun the Sheep episodes - Cheetah Cheater (December 7, 2009), Everything Must Go (December 14, 2009), Cock-a-Doodle Shaun (May 19, 2010) and An Ill Wind (December 14, 2010), South Park episode - HumancentiPad (April 27, 2011), South Park episode - Royal Pudding (May 11, 2011), South Park episode - T.M.I. (May 18, 2011), Regular Show episode - Think Positive (January 30, 2012), The Cleveland Show episode - American Prankster (April 15, 2012), Family Guy episode - Yug Ylimaf (November 11, 2012), Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated episode - Come Undone (April 5, 2013), American Dad! episode - Poltergasm (October 6, 2013), Family Guy episode - Life of Brian (November 24, 2013), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) episode - Annihilation: Earth! (September 27, 2015), South Park episodes - Members Only (November 16, 2016), Not Funny (November 30, 2016), The End of Serialization as We Know It (December 7, 2016), Time to Got Cereal (November 7, 2018) and Nobody Got Cereal? (November 14, 2018), RackaRacka videos, K-Fee 9 Screamer Commercials (2004) and Angry Video Game Nerd episodes - Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout (August 7, 2007/February 16, 2009) and Bugs Bunny's Crazy Castle (August 5, 2009/March 15, 2011).

(Examples shown are "Rollercoaster," "Jaws 3D," and "Jurassic World." We then cut to the "Universal" Logo.)

Announcer/Jerk (v/o): Universal: "Can you Identify this corpse?"

(We then cut to a clip from "The Simpsons," the family is taking a road trip.)

Bart and Lisa Simpson: Are we there yet?

Homer Simpson: No.

Bart and Lisa: Are we there yet?

Homer: No.

Bart and Lisa: Are we there yet?

Homer: No.

(Cut back to Jerk.)

Jerk: How did this theme park develop such intense self-loathng? Well, I dare say, standing in the shadow of a rodent would make anyone feel small.

Jerk (v/o): Disneyland is the happiest place on our planet, Universal is that planet (The logo is the Earth). But somehow, it's only the entertainment capital of a city it's not even technically in. (the marketing headline is, "The entertainment capital of LA," it's in Universal City, CA. which is still part of Los Angeles County.) Disney has always been "Little Mouse Perfect," hasn't it? It hooks the masses in their youth and follows them to their graves with parks that rely almost entirely on properties Disney owns or buys out eventually ("Star Wars"). Disney is the beautiful, pure, and perfect princess Molly Ringwald, while Universal...

(Cut to a clip from "The Breakfast Club.")

Universal/Allison Reynolds: I'm a nymphomaniac.

Jerk (v/o): ...gets in bed with any intellectual property that will have it (examples are "Men In Black," "Beetlejuice," "Harry Potter," "Terminator," "Transformers," and "Shrek"), including ones Disney buys out (Marvel). And lately, it's gotten so depressed, that it's decided to just stay in and play video games (Universal is going to do rides and attractions based off of Nintendo properties). And it slaps its own logo on a park with all that stuff, as if to say, "Yeah, but they're really All Universal movies. They all take place on planet Earth , right? And that's us, so they're ours.

(Cut to another clip from "The Breakfast Club.")

Universal/Allison Reynolds: I'm not a nymphomaniac, I'm a compulsive liar.

(Cut back to the Simpsons on their road trip.)

Bart and Lisa: Are we there yet?

Homer: No.

(While Homer is changing a tire.)

Bart and Lisa: Are we there yet?

Homer: No!

(While driving at night)

Bart and Lisa: Are we there yet?

Homer: (After being woken by Marge Simpson) Huh? No!

Jerk: And that's the root of this park's depression. It knows that objectively, it doesn't really have a reason to exist. I mean, think about it, it's not that strong of a brand name. Kids don't watch the Universal Channel, The Nostalgia Critic doesn't do Universcember, and whenever Universal, somehow, does stumble upon its own successful franchise that kids are really into (He walks by a poster of a Minion from "Despicable Me"), it has this annoying habit of SQUEEZING EVERY LAST DROP OF LIFE OUT OF THAT FRANCHISE, LIKE LENNY (from "Of Mice and Men") STROKING A PUPPY TOO HARD!!! (Cut to Jerk outside of the ride, Despicable Me: Minion Mayhem.) Oh, it's coming. Someday, when the 2010s are but a nostalgic memory and the kids of today pause for a moment from staring into the depressing abyss of adulthood, to finally remember those wacky "Despicable Me" movies they used to go see, (Points behind him) this will still be standing, confusing the hell out of their kids. Oh, you don't believe me? Tell you what, right now, go to "Universal Studios Florida" and ask all the kids playing at "Fievel's Playland" (a playground based off of "An American Tail: Fievel Goes West"), who the fuck Fievel is. (A caption pops up, saying "Do not actually do that unless you enjoy prison") But, I'm sure those of you who read this link before clicking on it are asking, "what does any of this have to do with 'The Simpsons?'"

(Cut back to the road trip.)

Bart and Lisa: Are we there yet?

Homer: NO!

(Cut to the family parked outside a rest stop. Bart and Lisa are outside a bathroom)

Bart and Lisa: (To Homer, in the bath room) Are we there yet?

Homer (v/o): (From in the bathroom) NO!

(Cut to them back in the car, stuck in traffic by the "Hollywood" sign.)

Bart and Lisa: Are we there yet?

Homer: NOOO!

Jerk (v/o): When “Back to the Future: The Ride” closed, I was sorry to see it go, but it wasn’t really a surprise; that 2015 scene was literally getting less futuristic everyday. Still, there was no reason they couldn’t just update the ride like Disney updated Star Tours, it’s still one of their most beloved franchises ever and Christopher Lloyd is still alive and working. Hell, he still plays Doc Brown every now and then. But, for some reason, Universal completely lost faith in one of the most celebrated stories it ever brought to the screen. The ride that helped put the park on the map wasn’t good enough anymore once the cool kids (“The Simpsons”) expressed interest Universal hated itself so much, it gutted an e-ticket all its own so that it could pay royalties to Rupert Murdoch (CEO of News Co. that owns Fox), who would get in bed with the enemy, one year later. (The American Idol Experience at Walt Disney World) All for a theme park disaster movie with the narrative that theme parks are death traps.

(Cut to Jerk in front of a picture of Comic Book Guy wearing Marty McFly’s 2015 jacket.)

Jerk: It would have been nice to see if “The Simpsons” and “Back to the Future” could’ve coexisted in peace and harmony with Bart and Marty skateboarding together off into the sunset, but…

(Cut to a clip from “Back to the Future: Part III”)

Marty McFly: Nobody calls me yellow!

(Caption pops up: “#Racist!”)

Jerk (v/o): Seriously, have you noticed how many yellow characters Universal has? It’s weird, right? Is yellow just an appealing color or are the executives secretly yellow supremacists or something? I don’t know.

(We are shown images of the Simpsons, Minions, Bumblebee from Transformers, SpongeBob, the Man in Yellow from “Curious George,” Dr. Suess’ Sneetches, Carlos and Phil from “Hop,” and then parody ones like a yellow Nintendo DS, The Cheat from “Homestar Runner,” we then get parody rides with yellow characters like Sarlington Butler with “Wonder Showzen: The Ride,” Silk Spectre II with “Watchmen: the ride,” Beatrix Kiddo aka The Bride with “Kill Bill: Crazy 88 Mayhem,” Roark Junior with “Sin City: Rip Ride Rockit.” And Scud: the Disposable Assassin in “Scud: The Disposable Attraction.”)

Jerk (v/o): Anyway, ever since the salad days of “Do the Bartman,” “The Simpsons” have been courted for theme park rights by various parties. Even Disney offered to exploit them for a cheap character meet and greet show at Disney-MGM. But, the show’s producers wisely knew they deserved better.

(Cut to an interview with “Simpsons” creator, Matt Groening)

Matt Groening: Marketing “The Simpsons” on t-shirts and mugs, yeah, we could do that, but it would be wrong.

Jerk (v/o): They were sitting on, arguably, the greatest lead “The Sinbad Show” ever had and they knew it! And they refused to be bought out for anything less than (Talks like Lyle Landly from the “Monorail” episode) “a genuine, bonafide, electrified 6 car ride” of some sort, the exact number of cars was negotiable.

Jerk: And James L. Brooks has maintained the same policy on all his shows.

(Cut to the intro to “Taxi” (Which James L. Brooks co-created), which sees the a pov of the back of a car going across the Queensboro Bridge, followed by a Taxi. A caption reads “The Taxi Ride” followed by the credits of the actors doe the show.)

Jerk (v/o): WOOHOO, “TAXI” SIMULATOR! IT FEELS LIKE I’M ACTUALLY LOOKING AT A TAXI! THIS IS AWESOME! WOW, THE 3D IS AMAZING! IT’S LIKE I’M REALLY LOOKING AT DANNY DEVITO’S NAME! WOO, MARILU HENNER!

(A display from the ”Back to the Future: Ride” Delorean, with the Flux Capacitor, Time-circuit display, and a monitor with Jim Ignatowski (played by Christopher Lloyd) from “Taxi”)

Jim Ignatowski: For no reason at all, I'll suddenly see something happening in the future and it usually comes true.

(Cut to clips from “Simpson episodes”)

Jerk (v/o): Finally, Gracie Films signed with…

Marge Simpson: SeaWorld?

Bart: No.

Homer: Disney World?

Bart: (Shakes his head) Uh-uh.

Dan Conners: Gator World?

Bart: ‘Fraid not.

Lisa: Universal Studios?

(Cut to a poster for ‘The Simpsons Ride” of the family having a rotten time.)

Homer (v/o): Stupid Lisa!

Jerk (v/o): Christopher Lloyd was replaced with Dan Castellaneta, again (Dan Casrellaneta voiced Doc Brown in "Back to the Future: The Series"), as our favorite family moved into the motion simulators in Doc Brown's OMNIMAX domes, 'cause you know, last time they were under a dome went so well for them (In "The Simpsons Movie"), and "The Simpsons Ride" was born. Although, of course, any authentic "Simpsons Ride" would go on about three times too long to throw in a few too many guest stars.

(Cut to clip from the pre-show of "The Simpsons Ride")

Doctor Emmett L. Brown: (To Prof. Frink) You idiot, you ruined everything!

(Cut to Jerk by the Delorean in the NBC Universal Experience.)

Jerk: Literally no reason why they couldn't just bring back "Back to the..." (Tries to subside his anger) Letting it go.

Jerk (v/o): Originally, they wanted to base the ride's story around a field trip to the nuclear power plant, which would've fit the look of the institute much better. Hell, they could have even made those giant IMAX buildings look like the cooling towers. But voice actor Harry Shearer apparently demanded too much money for Universal's liking, and no Harry Shearer means no Mr. Burns, no Smithers, no (Principal) Skinner, no Otto, no (Ned) Flanders, no (Reverend) Lovejoy, no (Doctor) Hibbert, no Jasper, no Kent Brockman, no Herman, no God (God on the Simpsons), and perhaps most tragic of all, no Lenny.

Bart and Lisa: (sad) NOT LENNY!

Jerk (v/o): And since you'd need at least half of those for a proper field trip to the power plant episode, the new premise is that Krusty the Clown bought the Institute of Future Technology and turned it into Krustyland, a massive indoor theme park. Jeez, even Disney can make that work (Disney Quest). And we're all about to partake in its signature ride, along with this randomly selected, average, suburban family (The Simpsons); an astronaut (Homer), an ex-con (Marge), a future president (Lisa), a baby who shot a man (Maggie), and the "I didn't do it" kid (Bart).

(Cut to the pre-show, Krusty is taking to the Simpsons)

Krusty: And you can pick one other group to come with you.

Bart: (Points at us) How about these guys?

Krusty: Eh, sure, whatever, they look clean.

(Cut to a clip from "A Hard Days Night.")

John Lennon: Are you?

(Cut to Jerk in a gift shop for “Transformers: The Ride.”)

Jerk: And the eight passenger DeLoreans have now been transformed into the most terrifyingly dangerous vehicles in the history of mankind: vehicles controlled by Kelsey Grammer.

(Cut to a promo video for the ride, first with the Simpsons screaming when they see him, in the ride car. We then cut to Kelsey Grammer, who voices longtime Simpsons antagonist, Sideshow Bob.)

Kelsey Grammer: Sideshow Bob is featured in this ride. Um, he pretty much is the ride.

Jerk (v/o): That’s right, Krusty’s age-old nemesis has once again escaped from tossing salads and scrambling eggs in prison commandeer “Krust-iversal Studios.”

(Cut to the pre-show, where Krusty has a gun pointed at him by Sideshow Bob disguised as a Scratchy character.)

Krusty: What do you want?

Sideshow Bob: (Takes off the cat head to reveal his identity) A dish, best served cold.

Homer: Is it ice cream?

Sideshow Bob: (Angry) NO, REVENGE!

Jerk (v/o): In other words, Kelsey Grammer, the third highest paid actor in the history of television, apparently demanded less money for this than the bassist from “Spinal Tap” (Who is played by Harry Shearer).

(Cut to the entrance for “The Simpsons Ride” with a sign for the ride plus a sign saying “Starring the bassist from Spinal Tap,” below the main sign. Jerk is playing Jeanine Pettibone in “This is Spinal Tap,” David St. Hubbins' girlfriend, which is just Jerk wearing a cowboy hat and speaking in a cockney accent.)

Jeanine/Jerk: If I’ve told them once, I told them a hundred times to put “Bassist from Spinal Tap” first and “Simpsons: Ride” last.

(Cut to a clip from “This is Spinal Tap.”)

Derek Smalls: It’s a morale builder, isn’t it?

(Jerk, still dressed as Jeanine, breaks character and looks at the audience.)

Jerk: Incidentally, Harry Shearer also refused to participate in either of these commercials, one due to scheduling conflicts and the other because he found out the product can cause leukemia. See if you can guess which is which!

(Cut to the commercial break, we then cut to footage of the backstage scene from “This is Spinal Tap.”)

Announcer/Jerk (v/o): Coming this summer to Cedar Point, just outside Cleveland…

Derek Smalls (v/o): HELLO, CLEVELAND!

Announcer/Jerk (v/o): …it’s “The is Spinal Tap: The Ride!” WALK through a queue that looks just like a confusing backstage area, GAZE in amazement at the animatronic janitor giving directions, and the RIDE, literally, NO RIDE! “This is Spinal Tap: The Lack of Ride,” coming only to “Hard Rock Park!” (In a small voice so no one will notice.) Derek Smalls is now played by Kelsey Grammer.

Hard Rock Park was an ill-fated amusement park in Myrtle Beach that opened in 2008 and only lasted for 6 months due to financial troubles, then opened again a year later under the name Freestyle Music Park, and then closed for good after that season ended.

(Cut to the intro for “The Simpsons”)

Jerk (v/o): “The Simpsons Ride” opened on both coasts in May of 2008 and immediately became one of the top two carnival themed rides on both coasts that summer based on an iconic cartoon from the 90s and involving a character played by Kelsey Grammer. (“Toy Story: Midway Mania!”) Weird.

(Cut to Homer driving Buzz Lightyear in a bus)

Homer: I’m gonna hide you where there’s no one around for miles; Disney’s California Adventure!

Jerk (v/o): The queue (For “The Simpsons Ride”) perfectly captures the look and feel of a cheap Springfield-ian theme park, right down to dressing the cast members (Park staff for the ride) as (Beat) Waldo. (They wear red and white striped shirts that say “Sideshow” and their nametag beneath that.) And they put the word “Sideshow” on everyone’s shirt, because originally, they wanted it on everyone’s nametag.

Jerk: Here’s how that conversation went with the nametag people.

(We cut to Jerk playing 3 people; Nametag Guy, Shirt Guy, and possibly Matt Groening or himself, in the gift show for “The Simpsons Ride.” Matt Groening/Jerk is by “Smpsons” plush toys, Nametag Guy by nametags and just has his hair tied, and Shirt Guy by the shirts and he’s not wearing his glasses.)

Nametag Guy: (In a dull sounding voice, bewildered) “Sideshow’s” not a name.

Matt Groening/Jerk: Yeah, but, all of Krusty’s sidekicks have “Sideshow” before their names. Sideshow Bob, Sideshow Mel, Sideshow Luke Perry, it…it’d be fun to continue that tradition.

Nametag Guy: But “Sideshow’s” not a name.

Matt Groening/Jerk: (Starting to get frustrated) I know, but the idea is that this is Krusty’s theme park…

Nametag guy: Nametags are for names, “Sideshow’s” not a name.

MG/Jerk: If you could just open your mind a tiny…

Nametag guy: We could put it on a shirt, shirt could say anything.

MG/Jerk: Okay, (Turns to Shirt Guy) shirt department, instead of name tags, can we put “Sideshow Name’” on every shirt?

Shirt Guy: (Confused) You want the word “Sideshow Name” on 500 shirts?

MG/Jerk: (Getting more frustrated) No, every shirt should have a different name.

Shirt Guy: You can’t make every shirt different, you brainless Claude, they’re not nametags.

Nametag Guy: Yeah, you cannot not have nametags, how else would you tag names?

Shirt Guy: I know, we’ll “Sideshow” on the shirt and the name on the nametags!

Nametag Guy: Right, cause “Sideshow’s” not a name.

MG/Jerk: That kind of defeats the purpose…

Nametag Guy: Or we could just change everyone’s name to “Bort.”

MG/Jerk: (Angry) You’re fired.

Nametag Guy: YOU CAN”T FIRE ME! WITHOUT NAMETAGS, EVERYONE’S NAMELESS!

MG/Jerk: Damn it, you're right! You’ve bested me for the last time, Mister…what was your name again?

Nametag Guy: Sideshow Johnson!

MG/Jerk: I hate you.

(A laugh track is heard as fake end credits roll by with sitcom-like music [The '90s Land of the Lost theme music]. Cut to Jerk in front of the Kwik-E-Mart of the “Springfield” section of the park.)

Jerk: But, I digress...which is unlike me, I know. The thing is, there’s really not much to mock in this ride.

Jerk (v/o): I’m not kidding. Content-wise, this is by far the funniest ride I’ve ever been on. It was written by the show’s actual writing staff and it doesn’t take itself even remotely seriously. So, there’s really nothing for me to satirically push against.

Jerk: This ride makes fun of itself at every turn, even if I tried, well…

(Cut to a clip from “South Park”)

Dougie/General Disarray: “Simpsons” did it!

(Butters Stotch/Professor Chaos screams in frustration)

Jerk: So, like any citizen of the internet, I know that whenever I lack sufficient brain capacity to make fun of something, there’s only one thing left to do: nitpick it!

(Cut to black as “The Final Countdown” by Europe plays)

Announcer/Jerk (v/o): Some Jerk With A Camera presents: “The Top 11 Nitpickings About ‘The Simpsons Ride!”

(We cut back to Jerk by the comic book store part of the Springfield land. Jerk takes a hair tie and uses it to tie his hair in a pony tail, then opens his shirt to reveal a blue “Simpsons Ride” T-shirt, he takes off his regular shirt and glasses, he now looks like “Simpsons” character, Comic Book Guy.)

Jerk: Why top 11? Because I like to go (Starts doing an impressions of Comic Book Guy) THE WORST STEP BEYOND-EVER!

(The list comes with clips from the show where a character says the number.)

11 Kent Brockman: I’m Kent Brockman, on the 11 O’clock news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal.

Comic Book Jerk (Which I’m calling him till he stops. v/o): The layout for Krustyland is remarkably similar to that of the former Institute, and these ride vehicles look remarkably like the eight passenger DeLoreans, they even have gull wing doors for some reason. It’s almost as though they just painted over everything.

(Cut to Comic Book Jerk in front of a cartoon map for Krustyland in the show.)

Comic Book Jerk: (After looking at the map) Park still looks fake.

(Cut to an episode from the show where a panel is being held at the Comic Book Store.)

Doug (A nerdy college student): (To his friends, Benjamin and Gary) Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

(Each number on the list ends with Doug saying that, except the last one.)

10 Homer: (To Bart) But, no, you had to be 10!

Comic Book Jerk (v/o): They shut down “Back to the Future (The Ride)” for the 2015 scene, but they don’t mind showing this joke in 2015!

(We see a clip from an older episode shown in the pre-show with Troy McClure, covered in bandages and casts riding a roller coaster going up the track at the start for a commercial.)

Announcer (v/o): Home of the Whiplash! (Says in a way so barely anyone will notice.) To be completed in 1994.

(We see the track isn’t complete and Troy McClure screams as he and the car fall off the high, incomplete track. We see Comic Book Jerk is unenthused by the video.)

Comic Book Jerk: Just keeps getting funnier and funnier.

Doug: Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

9: Australian man: (Reading a phone bill) 900 dollarydoos!

Comic Book Jerk: This ride is neither the first nor last appearance of Krustyland.

(Cut to clips of the show that mentions the park.)

Krusty: (At a press conference) Those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knifes.

Mr. Black: (To the kids of Camp Krusty) For the past 15 years, I was president of Euro-Krustyland…until it blew up.

CMJ (v/o): They’ve even visited the place on the actual show since the ride opened. So, technically, Krustyland is canon!

(We see a clip from the show of someone being shot out of a canon. Said guy soars past CBJ)

CBJ: It was also a level on that weird, early “Simpsons” Arcade game, where Smithers kidnaps Maggie (Cause she had a diamond) and you had to chase him through Krustyland and there were all these…(Marge is fighting Krustyland staff that almost look like Moleman, with a large mallet) The hell am I looking at?

(Cut a part of the game where Marge fights what looks like clones of Troy McClure with umbrellas for weapons.)

Troy McClure Clones: Hi, we’re clones of Troy McClure. You might remember us from such battle tactics as using an umbrella and evaporating at the touch of a hammer!

Jerk (v/o): Too soon!

(Cut to CBJ inside the Krusty Burger part of the Springfield area.)

CBJ: And if that weren’t enough, there’s also a Krustyland comic book!

(We see the three issues of the series are framed on the restaurants walls. After he looks around to see if anyone notices, we then cut to outside the restaurant where we hear a noise of breaking glass and an alarm as CBJ runs out with the comics.) YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!

CBJ (v/o): In this three-issue series from the mid-90s, Krusty builds a cheap theme park in less than a month to settle a debt with the mafia. But the land is cursed or something and everything goes horribly wrong, and it’s destroyed on opening day. It was poorly drawn and not easy to follow, but it existed and best as I can tell, Sideshow Bob is not in it!

CBJ: (Holding a Krustyland Comic) Frankly, I’m surprised. In 572 episodes, the series has not made a single continuity error, and yet the ride, the game, and the comic book, all tell very different stories. So, which one really happened?!

(We cut to a bunch of Jerk's friends, Spazz Master, Trickster Bell, Doggans, Matt Iannone, Mikey Insanity, R.L. King, Mikey Ederer, Kasey Kane, Jess Kitrick, and Stevie Swigart.)

His friends: (Yell) NONE OF THEM!

(CBJ looks angry that they’re not taking this seriously.)

Doug: Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

8 Yoko Ono Parody: Number 8. (Barney Gumble Belches) Number 8. (Barney belches) Number 8. (Barney belches)

(Cut to the pre-show, where we see a clip from a past episode of a talk show with Troy McClure.)

Troy McClure: Let’s meet the inventor, Doctor Nick Riviera.

Dr. Nick: (Comes from behind the curtain) Hello, Troy. Hi, everybody!

(Cut to CBJ in line for the ride, looking at the pre-show monitors)

CBJ and the audience in the show: Hi, Dr. Nick!

CBJ: (Looks around at everyone else in line, they don’t say anything) No one ever does it!

Doug: Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

7 Mathemagician: (Doing math for a kids birthday party) Uh, this is a magic 7.

(Cut back to the pre-show video)

Krusty: (To us) Then (Sideshow) Bob tried to frame me for robbery and he was foiled by the Simpsons!

CBJ: What the…? He was foiled by Bart. Bart figured the whole thing out!

Bart: I didn’t do it.

CBJ: Yes, you did. The family never even believed you until Bob’s third episode.

Bart: I didn’t do it!

CBJ: Yes, you did! You cracked the case wide open!

Bart: I didn’t do it.

CBJ: (Getting frustrated) I admire your modesty, but I have animated evidence…

(Cut to a montage of Bart saying “I didn’t do it”)

CBJ: I’m trying to…It’s a compliment…I’m trying to…

(Cut to a clip from "Pulp Fiction.”)

Jules Winnfield (played by Samuel L. Jackson): YES, YOU DID!

CBJ: (Angry) SHUT UP! If you’re gonna be this difficult, then so help me…

Bart: (Scared) Wait!

CBJ: Nope, too late!

Bart: Don’t do it!

CBJ: Oh, I’m doing it; I will have a cow!

Bart: NOOOO!

CBJ: Yes! (He maniacally laughs, afterward we cut to him next to a statue of a horse) I said cow!

(Cut to a clip from the show)

Movie assistant: Cows don’t look like cows on film, you’ve got to use horses.

CBJ: (Rolls his eyes) Fine, I’ll have a horse instead. (Begins to leave) C’mon, Princess.

(We then cut to a shot that says “Scene missing.”)

Doug: Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

6 Bart and Lisa: We’re under 6.

Homer: And I’m a college student! (Cut to the pre-show where the family are about to enter the ride vehicle) Wow, we’re the first people to ever ride this baby! We’re like that space guy who did that moon thing!

Lisa: Neil Armstrong?

Homer: No, Chewbacca! (Makes Chewbacca-like growl)

CBJ: (Looking annoyed) I believe I’ve made it abundantly clear that despite what certain pre-shows would tell you, Chewbacca rides nothing! (See Jerk's reviews for Star Tours and Star Tours: The Adventure Continues (Parts 1 and 2).) Would you care for some fresh ground pepper in that wound, now that you’ve SALTED IT?!?! (He cries and leaves the frame, we hear him trip and fall.) I bent my Neil Armstrong!

Doug: Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

5 Grandpa Abe Simpson: Nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them! “Give me five bees for a quarter,” you’d say!

CBJ (v/o): Why are the pre-show clips all normal, two-dimensional animation as God intended, while the ride film is all CGI? (He notices the CGI version of Comic Book Guy in the ride.) Dear God, I look like a Smurf with jaundice.

(We cut to an interview for the ride.)

Bitch.

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