List of minor iProducts

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Contents

iPods[edit]

The iPods were the most common apple product, with varieties including the iPoop and the Euroipods (and in turn Neuroipods and Afroipods). The iTrees were invented as a fast way of producing them, earning Apple $4k in the process. iPod Syndrome is a terrible disese contracted form iPods, so Apple invaded the NHS to borrow their medical eqipment so that millions wouldn't be lost from expenses.


Related[edit]

iCantBelieveItsNotButter[edit]

This amazing medical concoction was developed specially for Fabio and Fabio wannabe's. It is used for greasing unusually long pubic hair (prevents split ends), and used as a lubricant. It is endorsed by Robert Byrd, his slogan being: "I can't believe it's not BARBARIC!" It is listed under the United States Controlled Substances Act, and is a Schedule 2 Drug. It is illegal to possess without approval of Fabio and Robert Byrd. ONLY Chuck Norris is permitted to purchase it without approval.

Got fucked up pubes? Try some of my Fabio sauce.

The typical street prices are:

  • $117.45 Per Hit (also called a spoon)
  • $234.56 Per Halfy (half tub)
  • $1209883776688.88 Per Fabio (1 Fabio=1 tub)


NOTE:This product causes blindness, anal leakage, vaginal discharge, genital warts, hernias, and overall feeling of well-being.

Over-dosage Instructions: Drink two (2) glasses of fresh warm lard or a shot of FabSem (concentrated Fabio semen.)

Listed below is a number of positive reviews iCantBelieveItsNotButter has received:

  • "This product is just ah.............sorry I just had a heart attack, what was I saying again? Oh yeah, God Bless America."-Obama
  • "I like chikens Eddy!"-Ed (Ed, Edd & Eddy Show)
  • "Reagan Smash, Reagan Smash.."-Ronald Reagan
  • "I can purchase without approval. Fabio is my bitch."-Chuck Norris
  • "I got shot nine timez, but they aint get they handz on mah butta."-50 Cent
  • "A medical breakthrough! Just what Americans need."-New York Times

iWorkproperly[edit]

In a huge change in product policy Apple released the iWorkproperly. An ipod which could actually work without exploding, freezing, releasing sarin gas, deleting all the songs on it, and the screen going blank. It was a major flop, one consumer complained 'It just doesn't have the same feeling of a regular iPod, I mean, you just have to get, well... committed with this one. I mean it just doesn't break or become outdated three weeks after being bought. Worst of all It doesn't give you the full iPod experience, i.e. banging it on the table, screaming, ringing up the support and then screaming some more when you realise that the phone bill and the cost to repair the damn thing are huge.'

iAlicia[edit]

Plays only Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz songs.

iAsplode[edit]

In year 1617, 'OleApple, a predecessor company to Apple, tried to market a product called the iAsplode. There isn't a lot of data known about that device because everyone that ever used it ended up a sploding, and also because language did not exist at that time. In fact, people used to communicate by a sploding nearby stuff to different degrees, using their a-sploders. 'OleApple marketed the product saying it was going to be a revolutionary way to store a splosions and listen to them everywhere, but it was in fact a conspiracy regrouping 'OleAppleCorp, Adolf Hitler and the Lizardmen. As you may know, Lizardmen are Earth dominant specie, they control our minds everyday to be blindly raised as food for them. The iAsplode was quickly removed from the market when it was found out to be dangerous, after the tragic incident known as Gargantuan's Noodlicious A Splosion. Gargantuan ate a splode-lot of iAsplodes, and a splode the heck out of himself, therefore covering the entire Earth with spaghetti-a-splosion-bits (which later resulted in the creation of The Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster). Unfortunately, a lot of harm had already been done by extremist groups, iAsploding themselves everywhere on the planet, like in iRoshima, one of the biggest tragedies to ever happen.

iBeatz[edit]

Plays only Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys music

iPod Macro[edit]

The iPod Macro, shown from 2km away.

In an attempt to follow up on the success of iPod Nano, Steve Jobs released the iPod Macro. This limited edition release was only purchased by one person, a 79 year old former school teacher from Queens, New York City. The iPod Macro can hold over 70,000,000,000,000 songs, however the large size of the device also reduces the battery life to just three seconds. Unless you purchase the large battery (larger than the iPod Macro.) This costs 5 fucktillion dollars and is available only for the iPod Macro and lasts for around 30 seconds and it emits harmful radioactive wavelengths that destroy the brains of iPod Haters. Apple has recently been sued by Weird Al Yancovic, for copying his design 'Franks 2000" TV' as te iPod screen.

iOwa[edit]

Home of ShitKnot and cow fucking. Also, second only to West Virginia in inbred-to-non-inbred ratio at 17 to 1.

iwastemoney[edit]

the iwastemoney can scan you for money if there is no money you die if there is, iSuicide will start instantly with a new feature called iCrush that makes a demon wall come from the final fantasy series and won't stop till you get crushed.

On July 31st, 2065, the last ever iPod Macro fell and crushed Paris Hilton. There was much rejoicing. Coincidentally, at this point in Otisburg, war was beginning in which much bomb-us-setup occurred.

Der üPod[edit]

Der üPod, ja!

The sequel to the critically acclaimed iPod, the üPod (short for ÜberPod) utilizes the use of revolutionary new technology. It is even smaller than the iPod Nano, but is only delivered in the color white. It is made from the skeletal remains of deceased prominent Nazis such as Heinrich Himmler. Menus are only available in German, and it comes delivered with an audiocopy of Mein Kampf, and all of Nietzsches works. Furthermore the üPod is capable of playing Wagner, Legion 88 and the late great Bruce Springsteen, and REO Speedwagon's Greatest Hits.

Unlike the iPod, the üPod is incapable of recharging its battery through normal means, instead it must be fully submerged in a chilled glass of pure Löwenbräu. You simply place the üPod in the glass and it absorbs the Löwenbräu through osmosis. Any attempts to charge the device with its AC charging unit that it is distributed with have been met with a bombardment of curse words in German and normally ends with the purchaser of aforementioned product ending up in the death camp of their choosing.

When spotting a stupid member of the aryan race, the üPod will immediately play march music to alert its user of another Übermensch passing by. It is particularly fond of pretty young Scandinavian blondes and Sauerkraut mit Gemüse.

It is difficult to obtain a copy of the üPod as it must be paid for in the extinct Reichsmarks.

iScream[edit]

The iScream only plays screamers and the Scream movies. 98% owners of it have suffered fatal heart attacks.

There is now a special promotion that if you buy the iScream, you get a free iCecream. Along with a cone of Dippin' Dots. The Ice Cream of the Future.

iTamia[edit]

Plays just crap, and featuring Tamia music

DoomPod[edit]

The possessed iPod nano after sucking in unwitting programmers. Covered in nanotechnological plastic to acomodate underwater survival when being used by penguins.

The DoomPod was an abortive attempt by a third-party development team to create an iPod gaming add-on in March of 2005. The idea was to re-code the game Doom to be compatible with buttons designed for flicking through various annoying strings of drum beats masquarading as music. However, it seems that, in coding, one unwitting developer inadvertently programmed a portal to the Ninth Circle of Hell, and, upon testing of the prototype, unlucky programmers were dragged through the screen by a variety of demonic entities and half-robot goats, never to be seen again. The building was evacuated and abandoned hastily. The DoomPod never left its testing stages.

The last known sighting of the DoomPod (recorded on CCTV at a nearby office) was in the flippers of a fleeing penguin, who had apparently stolen the device from the still-unoccupied office. (Some conspiracy theorists believe that the penguin may have had contacts in the Linux corporation.) Anyone approaching a penguin is strongly advised to bring at least a double-barrelled shotgun, an amusingly puny pistol, a giant green-laser-shooting bazooka and possibly a chainsaw.


iShootYouInTheFace[edit]

A simple but elegant minor product of the ipod, it works very easily. As soon as you turn it on, a gun pops out and shoots you in the face.

iBug[edit]

A microscopic iPod that can be surgically inserted into your brain, enabling you to organise and play your favourite music and movies with your mind. New tracks can be added by beaming them directly into your skull using the iGammaRay. Any radiation poisoning is purely coincidental.

The iDevices[edit]

From the iPod came a load of sista projects.

iGay[edit]

An iPod made solely for gays. It plays gay music and is broadcasted from gay channels. iLesbian is in production and will be released this November but iBisex, iTranssex and iLGBT are going to probably not be made (although iHomophobic was being sold as of... last minute

iHurtYou[edit]

It's a security system designed by Apple. It was released last February, but the the product was recalled because it didn't protect people; it just beat the shit out of everyone that was in its way. It's currently being made into the iSuicide products and will be released again under the title iTrainYouToBeEmo coming to emo stores near you in July.

iDildo[edit]

Yes that’s right it’s just an iPod in the shape of a regular run-o-the-mill dildo. Except with the awesome added function to play some crappy music that comes with it! Such as the amazing "Demo Tune" and the 5 second wonder "5 second wonder".

The iDildo now has 5 tempos and tunes for it. It has Low, Medium, High, Earthquake, and iMasturbate. Play some bassey music loud enough and it will vibrate enough for you to hear it with a stethoscope. And perhaps you might be able to pleasure yourself with it...

The release of this product is in the year 2948 (This is an actual upcoming product, by the way. Check it out.) (Also known as OhMyPod!)

The Release of the sequael iDildoForMen is set to be in 2013.

iDemocracy[edit]

(see iLand, iOf, iThe, and iFree.) Is a growing political trend where all followers must have their iPod earphones in and walk unaware of anything around them and must obey the words of Steve Jobs as law.

iHomophobic[edit]

A LGBT tracker to help arrest or beat up Gays and/or lesbians. It's only sold in Saudi Arabia, iRan, Lebanon and Kazakhstan (but the damn Somali pirates managed to smuggle it into the states and sold it to the Ku Klux Klan on the black market).

iHop[edit]

iHop is the only restaurant owned by Apple. Serving everything from iCakes to iPie this is one of the more popular restaurants in Jesusland, not Canada, which is not part of Jesusland.

iEgg[edit]

iEgg is the most popular Egg in the whole universe. With iEgg, you will eat an egg. Then eat yourself. Aaaand then eat the iEgg. The end.

iTouchMyself[edit]

This product is divine, and is scheduled for release in a few weeks. Copies stolen by Oscar Wilde indicate it is a poor substitute for the real thing, but better than going it alone.

iPWN[edit]

This dastardly iProduct was designed to make the populace of Cambodia into n00bs. Initial testing on Star Wars Kid indicated it did absolutely nothing.

iCant[edit]

iCant is the following product of the iCan. The iCan was a complete failure due to pessimistic consumers.

iCellDro[edit]

iCellDro is a knock-off of the iPhone with an urban twist. The iCellDro is a concept for a cellphone/digital scale for street pharmaceutical distribution.

iDontCare[edit]

"I don't care about iDon'tcare"
'- Oscar Wilde on iDontcare.'

iDontcare is based on ipood, igod and icant. It was created by Oscar Wilde in the Rassilon era. It was used by the king of Gwonawona land to make his people forget how much money he waisted on his hot tub. Until they baned them in Gwoawona land, the king invented iRan and was never seen again! Yarrr your a zoosh! No, iDon't care either.
See also: Nobody cares

iRadio[edit]

Steve Jobs simply copied a random radio and put it off his list of things to do in life.

iDontknow[edit]

A tutoring device made by Apple. As if the company doesn't think we are "stupid".

iMax[edit]

One of the few Canadian made crApple products that will blow shit away with HD material crap on a big-ass screen. See iMax for more details.

“Us Canaders ar' very proud o'ar' Canadian products, there, eh?”

iDentity[edit]

Prepackaged and ready to use personalities, set for realease in 2009

iOMFG[edit]

OMGWTFBBQ

iNuke[edit]

The iNuke

The iNuke, also known as the iCBM, is a top-secret project being developed by Apple North Korea in their Area 342000000012 facility. It is 20 years in the making, is still not complete and it is not yet ready to be used, as Apple do not yet know what a missile actually looks like and therefore cannot create one for shit.

iCe Cream[edit]

Apple's secret to success.

iScream, you scream, we all scream, for iCe Cream!!!

As consolation for the fatal heart attacks that come along with the iScream, they were all recalled and replaced with the iCe Cream.

iSplode[edit]

An iSplosion is the apple perfected verson of Asplosions. It was develeoped to give a bigger bang to other products such as the iBomb and iNuke. The iSplode can also help people work in the iQuit and iWin.

The iSplode is the apple verson of the Asplode


iRon[edit]

Likewise, the iRon only ran on Linux. See the iRon article for details.

iMath[edit]

See Calculator. The iMath was the first sista project of the iPod to not run on Linux, but insted run on Microsoft Internet Explorer. Unfortunately, being a calculator, 404 errors occurred because the only site linkable from the iMath was Wikipedia, which does not let you do sums. The iMath failed and lost Apple $3.1 billion (about £25).

iGasm[edit]

Similar to an orgasm, the iGasm involves sexual pleasure with the bonus extra of frozen-screen annoyance and when put onshuffle, one's iGasm may last for up to 5000 hours (depending on the size of the iGasm you buy). At the end of an iGasm, one's batteries may die or you can press replay for a repeated iGasm.

iHell[edit]

Enjoy Burning Hell with this little compact burner. Fits in ass for soothing 4th degree burns, and clips on nipples for amazing "titty twisters from hell". It can hold 800 sins. Also operates exactly like an iPhone with a couple... minor changes. I couldn't forget the random stining of bees and the thunder striks.

iHolla[edit]

The iHolla could work on any operating system, and was exactly the same as the iPod but pastel green and pink. Surprisingly it sold better than the iPod, outselling the Earth's national budget by £3 million in the first decade. It was, however, destroyed in the Nike Revolution of 2021.

iLegal[edit]

A "legal" device for those who can't spend money on the iPod as well as pay for iTunes. Was it by Apple?

iProd[edit]

The iProd is essentially just a poke in the eye, however it has become very fashionable, it comes in 4 different colours and is already sold out in France.

iProd in use.

An indication of it's huge popularity.

iHamster[edit]

See iHamster or hamster for details. Nobody cares about this invention except the Engrish, who call it the "Hamstel Meter-ass he has". In order to keep your iHamster alive you need to buy an iWheel and iFood. If you feed it regular hamster food, it will swell up to the size of a small dog and iSplode.

iPottie[edit]

The iPottie

The iPottie is Apple's successful re-release of their iPoop product. The only difference is that the iPooed boasts more features and costs about 3x the amount that the iPoop costs.

iLand[edit]

The hidden island on which Steve Jobs is located. It looks like Disneyland, only geeky... No wait, it's just like Disneyland. Dress code: Black Turtle neck. Jeans. Stilletos (colour of your choice, iDemocracy is valued in iLand).

iSuck[edit]

Predecessor to the more popular "uSuck".

Released in 2009, Apple iSuck is powerful self-realization software that tells people how much they suck. And yes, they do suck.

iFuck[edit]

It is the first ever condom made by Apple FuckIttosh( a daughter company of Apple Macintosh in China).

Using it you can listen to music watch videos and listen to music( you can't really fuck with it or the electriccal circle in it will brake and you would have to buy yourself a new iDick).

iPood[edit]

An accessory to the iPoop and the iPottie, the iPood looks like an iPod but is used as a form of reusable toilet paper.

In fact, it is rumored that Mr. Jobs and Co. originally intended this as the function of the first iPod before they discovered its merits as a media player.

iRobot[edit]

The iRobot was simply an iPod stuck to a Robot. This was one of the primary factors of the Apple Invasion of Earth.

iCame,iSaw,iConquered[edit]

Top secret weapon, other wise known as iveni ividi ivici invented by Gaius Julius Caesar. Government scientists and archaeologists have found remnants to its secret in the Pagan graveyard under the Vatican, along with the original transcripts of the Bible written by Adolf Hitler.

iClaudius[edit]

Main article:iClaudius

iBoy[edit]

Gameboy Emulator for IpodLinux, runs at 100% speed, and this is very serious business.

iLife[edit]

Well, y'know...

iLife.

12 months after using the iWindows, many people go to drastic measures as part of a get-rich-quick scheme by Apple.
Some people have chosen this popular alternative to renewing their iLife.


iPorn[edit]

Used by men to induse iBoners side effects include being iSlapped by your iWife. Best thing in iLife.

iMus[edit]

A murderous device designed to kill people you hate the most because of who they look like. Implant it on your eye and the Red Laser triggers.

iHumor[edit]

See http://ihumor.apple.com

iToss[edit]

Used by middle aged men who couldn't give a toss. This product actually has no use , but the people who buy it don't give a toss.

iGod and i[edit]

The two were used to make civilizations, and are believed to be the cause of games like Simcity and RunEscape. (Often confused with Yahwii)

iTunes and iTuna[edit]

A large branch of Apple, the iTunes and iTuna are based on the fact that you can tuna piano but you can't tuna fish.

iTuna is a proprietary seafood recipe viewing application, developed by Apple Computer, for guiding inexperienced cooks through cooking seafood. The program is also the interface to Apple's poplar iCook personal recipe displayer. The application can also connect to Apple's iTuna Sushi Shop, where people can order sushi with Apple's FRM (Food Restrictions Management) delivered directly to their homes.

Apple has been criticized for the FRM in the food, which restricts the food to only be eaten by a single person, and not shared between them. One of its most vocal critics is Richard Stallman, who says the FRM is "fundamentally wrong".

79p or fcuk nows how many dollars it is, it is still a rip off over here in england are 79 1p sweets, a new mum and my personal favorite the queen!so at the moment i am carvin bill gates name into the side of a bullet thanks a lot fcukr!!!!!!

iEyes[edit]

From the AppleCorps website:

Cquote1.png The iEye will do for human eyesight what the iPod did for stealing music! Cquote2.png
Don't worry, Apple won't kill any of the little buggers. They are ugly though, aren't they?

It is, at this time, unknown how exactly the iEye will aide human ocular function, but rumors are circling. Some believe the iEye is actually an eyedropper full of the magical blood of the aye-aye lemur (pictured), which are found only on the island of Madagascar. Others are pretty sure it's the name of one of those Teletubbies, but nobody is willing to own up to the fact that they've watched that show -- I mean, I certainly haven't, I just heard about this from some guy. Heh. Ahem.

The prevailing opinion, however, is that the iEye will simply add more hard drive space, a slightly larger screen, and a click wheel. Your old eyes will still work perfectly well, but you'll be so entranced by the iEye's sleek new design that you'll run right out to the Apple store and buy yet another one for upwards of $300. Sucker.

iGrue[edit]

iGrue

Can also be written as 'iGrew'. A large, gelatinous monster closely related to iKill. You are likely to be eaten by it because the ear phones are pluged into it's ass. There once was an iGrue attack at a Wal-mart, but there was no witnesses (because they were all eaten).

iSore[edit]

The cure for the common cold designed by Apple.

iThink There 4: iAm[edit]

And iThink There 5: iExist

iDead[edit]

Apples take on a coffin for the afterlife. With iPod ports so the afterlife isn't so boring.

iAmLegend[edit]

The official iProduct of Will Smith and Your Mom. This iProduct must be plugged into both ears, both nostrils, both mouths, and halfway into your "i"s to be used. Once in use, the iAmLegend sucks the sperm out of you and makes you hornier than ever. However, from then on you will have strange cravings for human and canine flesh and you will be turned on whenever someone says the word "You". Also, you will start to stalk iKellyClarkson, iJoshGroban, and/or iKappa iKey.

iHat[edit]

Above: The white iHat

The iHat is Apple's 5th mp3 player in their iPod range (although it is the first not to feature "iPod" in the name). It was developed shortly after the huge success of the latest iPod and the iPod nano. It beams music (and videos, solitaire, PornoTube content etc.) to the user's ears via the hair (a process known as trans-aminoprotein soundifiying), removing the need for waxy earphones.

Inside the tip of the hat is the speaker part of the original iPod earphones. This plays the music incredibly loudly at the user's hair, and the hairs then pass the vibration from one another until this sound reaches the ears. This takes a huge amount of power, so much that the battery life is reduced to less than one second. A 100lb Nickel-cadmium battery is available separately, and this increases the battery life to five hours. The extra weight put on the user's neck has concerned many doctors, but no one yet has any proof that the pack causes neck damage.

As mentioned above, the battery life of the standard iHat is one second, less half a second. This means that the internal battery needs to be recharged very often. On the first day of sale, many businessmen and schoolchildren did not turn up at their place of work, as the batteries on their brand-new iHats kept running out, and they kept going back to their house to recharge the batteries. Even George W. Bush was affected by this, even though he lives in his place of work, his alleged day spent recharging his iHat batteries was called the "Invasion of Iraq". Apple released the battery pack to answer the concerns of the general population.

Shortly after the release of the iHat, the Bald Men's Association of America filed a lawsuit against Apple, claiming that the use of trans-aminoprotein soundifiying discriminated against those who do not have hair on their head, and females. Apple had the lawsuit dismissed by pointing out that bald people and women have no music taste whatsoever, so this product was useless to them. They also suggested that the process may work via facial hair as well. Scandinavian women were pleased to hear these news, but bald people were only aggravated further. This matter has yet to settle in court to this very day.

iNooo[edit]

A commonly heard phrase when one loses the game.

iRack[edit]

Many think it is a country, but they are WRONG! It is another iProduct produced by the iCompany, Apple. iRack is just another place to produce many more iProducts such as the infamous iTerrorize. Also seen on Mad TV but has a bit too much iStuff on it.

iRan[edit]

Also not a country, but an archaic medium of location displacement recently updated for the 21st century. Due to the sparity of demand production was halted leading to this product becoming increasingly rare and a sought after collectors item. Transportation in general is soon to become irrelevant due to the increase of internet tubes.

iPodendo[edit]

The iPodendo was modeled after the NES and iPod respectively. The screenshot shown on here is a screenshot of the game Evil Mario on the Run.
An ad from the June 9, 2008, edition of the Tokyo Press. It says that a small, compact iPod-like device has a humongous hard drive that will store possibly every commercial NES game ever made.

The iPodendo (from iPod and Nintendo) is a handheld game console/MP3 player hybrid that serves the typical purposes of an iPod, adding support for NSF and SPC music, and is an emulator for the NES and SNES. A joint venture between Apple Computer and Nintendo has been set in 2008 when Nintendo gave up on their anti-emulation policy for games originally ported onto older systems.

The big screen on this device accommodated for easy viewing of the screen while playing the video games, and also allowed for more menu items to be viewed at once. This device was developed to compete against the Game Park mini. The unit allowed for emulation of SNES as well. However somebody had to roll the scroll wheel 1080 degrees to exit emulation mode.

The device had a camera lens on the back so spies could take pictures of items they wanted to scrutinize. Thanks to console emulation, spies of James Bond's gang weren't so bored anymore, and they were diverted away from females in favor of fun-to-play video games.

The hard drive built into this device has a groundbreaking capacity of 1 terabyte. It is enough for the amount of ROM images counting every commercial NES game ever made! Amazingly, the media unit is a million times the capacity of the biggest NES cartridge ever made.

iBox 360[edit]

The iBox 360, an entirely original product.

Like the ill-fated Bandai Pippin, The iBox360 was originally conceived as an attempt for Apple to enter the video games market. Unfortunately, the developers had no idea where to begin planning such a game system, so they outsourced to an alternate universe where they, rather than Microsoft, were the dominant software force. As a result, they were able to gain access to Microsoft's plans for a next generation game system. All they had to do to was change the name of the product to something resembling an Apple product and they were then able to begin production without fear of a copyright lawsuit by Bill Gates.

Manufacturing of the console was outsourced to the Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society, who agreed to handle the product for free when they learned of the legally-ambiguous means by which it was created.

The iBox360 can support up to 72 controllers and, due to a time shift in the universe it was designed, features the iDirectX 10 graphics system 500 years into the future. Unfortunately, any attempt to use it to this extent would result in the TV in use iSploding. Apple would evenually begin selling special non-iSploding screens for the later iBox editions.

In addition, the iBox 360 is capable of playing DVD's, the next generation video product that has yet to be invented, James Blunt CD's (without risk of explosion) and, due to an easter egg installed by the game's manufacturers, can trick the American Military into attacking Alex Jones's house.

After it was launched, Bill Gates eventually realized the iBox 360 was exactly the same as the Xbox 360, and told Apple to stop making them. After Apple refused, Gates reportedly crawled under his desk and sobbed like a little girl. Then he dispatched Darth Maul, Dick Cheney and a tank to destroy all iBox 360's in the known world.

Currently Dick Cheney has succeeded in only destroying Darth Maul, and the Tank. He took both of them hunting... He has now admitted fault.

At i3.14159265 (the Apple ripoff of the non-existent E3) Apple announced it's newest game system, iHitler, a superweapon of mass destruction. They also contemplated the development of the iIi, but the project was dropped because of its stupid name.

iBM[edit]

Bouncywikilogo10.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Taligent.

iBM, once called Taligent, was Apple's short-lived attempt to take over IBM. Then apple realized that IBM sucked. Approximately 0 iBMs where made.

iPodore 64[edit]

The iPodore 64 has a QWERTY keyboard, unlike other iPods on the market.

Ever imagine the best selling computer joining forces with the bestselling audio player? Where, there you have it. The iPodore 64 is modeleded after the Commodore 64 and the iPod respectively. Since the iPod was Apple Computer's bestselling device since the Macintosh computer, the Commodore 64 has squeezed in between the sales of the Mac and the iPod.

The games booted in the iPodore 64 will be loaded via WAV or MP3 files of beeping noises from Commodore 64 data cassettes, but stored as a computer file which will preserve the continually deteriorating audio cassettes with crude computer data. Some people have even stored the game data on audio CD as CD audio tracks which is very quirky for monkeys who play primitive computer games. Also, ROM images for C64 games on disk drives will be booted on this device as well. Other supported systems include Commodore VIC,[1] Commodore 128, and Commodore PET.

iNintendo DS[edit]

An Apple iProduct. A iParody of Nintendo DSi and it's an iRip-iOff.

iTari[edit]

The iTari, another unique apple product.

The iTari is a copy-infringed device modeled after the Atari 2600. It has a slot for original Atari game cartridges, a slot for toasting bread, and a slut to encourage quality gameplay. The device is manufactured by Sony Computers, which is really odd, considering the Apple logo clearly displayed on the box.

It can be hooked up to a TV, monitor, car, goat, unicycle or small child, and has a 1.28-bit chip to allow for poor gaming emulation from other ROM images on USB storage mediums. iTari cartridges (made from Dwarvish ore from the mines of Moria) are the only real game cartridges compatible with it. It is backwards compatible with older iTari systems, including pen and paper hangman system, and the chalk on the sidewalk tic-tac-toe system.

4 USB ports make the system versatile. The iTari's clickwheel is accessible from the front panel, after decoding several layers of ingenious puzzles, which can kill the user if solved incorrectly. Critics have pointed out that this, coupled with the low media storage size (0.06MB), and the fact that the machine has been technologically surpassed by game systems like the Microsoft XBox and Sony PlayStation, and its $9,999.99 price tag make it a poor investment.

Although the joysticks that come with the system only have one action button, oh what action it is! Joysticks with multiple action buttons are not available, as that would create a culture of entitlement, the likes of which society would never recover from. The system is not compatible with USB joysticks, or USB sadsticks.

iCube[edit]

iCube, the successor of the Companion Cube

Specifications[edit]

  • With a 800mhz prossesator,DVD-drive -1X,Oscar Wilde ratings, and a Broken Window Vista operational system. Some rumors say that the iCube has a Palm Tree unit, a feature that stimulates the genital area. It is operated by sticking the systems power cable up your ass.
  • The iCube was modified to become the Allspark Cube. This version had the added ability to grant mechanical objects life (namely all the other iProducts).

iKea[edit]

The Apple iKea was the world's first self-assembly computer, apart from all the other ones that came before it. Apple was sued over the name by IKEA, who claimed that it infringed upon the name they had used since 1943, while Apple claimed they invented it at 17:30 - a full two hours previously.

The iKea comes in a range of models with strange sounding names, such as the KRÆPP, SJYTT, BORKBORKBORK, VÆNKØR and the imfamous IZAREELKOMPYTERHØNESTGUVNØR.

ican'tBarsed[edit]

Never released, failure due to lazy workers being eaten by vaginas

LiPod[edit]

Lipod.jpg

An OS-based iPod to run the Liquid Revolution, which is a QWERTYliciant OS.

Minor Minor iProducts[edit]

These iProducts are so minor they don't deserved to be categorised, so they are mino-categorised instead.

iCountries[edit]

Many iPlaces exist, many of them are iCountries, the most famous of which is iRaq, but others include iTaly, iRan, iCeland and iReland, the latter two being Special Edition™ iSlands. A new sort of iPlace, the iState, has been designed. Many iStates are under construction, such as iDaho, iKasakstan and iOwa.

iSolated iProducts[edit]

Other minor minor iProducts that probably don't deserve mention (and aren't even mino-categorised) are things like iFraud, an ancient scam.

uPod[edit]

Another of Apples attempts at ripping you off. A spin-off of the original iPod , this product was almost identical to the original except it didn't play music,Videos or hold pictures. Leading it to be a smashing success. 19 Trillion uPods were sold world wide before a patent shark successfully sued Apple for infringing on a patent for "an entirely bulls**t item that does nothing".

iEye[edit]

A useful and convinent tool for sailor boys who like to get laid by their skippers. The intent of the product is to resulst in iGotfucked.

iPodsol[edit]

iPodsol is the second agricultural product, after the iTree, in Apple's product range and the first fully artificial soil type ever to be invented. It is the only known soil type in which iTree's can grow. It was invented in 2005 by the rural division of Apple on order by Steve Jobs.

Instead of normal mineral normally found in soils, including "ordinary" podsol, iPodsol consists partially of microscopic iPod's even smaller than iPod yocto's or Neuroipods, although this variant of iPod cannot be bought in store anywhere. Apart from microscopic (a trillionth of a nanometer) iPod's, iPodsol consists of composed organic material mostly processed by worms, caterpillars and insects. Unlike the ordinary podsol, which is multilayered, the iPodsol only has one single soil horizon, an iHorizon, in which the subgranular iPods and organic material is intermingled with each other. While the iPodsol soil type is nearly devoid of minerals in itself, the subgranular iPods contain aluminium, iron (not to be confused with iRon) and rubber.

However, only the iTree (iPae iPodus), is capable of assimilating the material in iPodsol, something which even most hardened fungus has failed to accomplish. While the iPodsol is closely associated with the iTree, the subgranular iPod's in iPodsol should not be confused with the seed of the iTree, which are called iSeed and are slightly larger than iPod yocto's.

iPodsol has a lower hydraulic conductivity than normal podsol (see also transmissioncoeffecient) and is notoriously difficult for water to pass through, which is why the iTree seems to favour iPodsol, since its roots have severe difficulties to soak up water in motion. The iTree is allergic to the granite and sandstone normally found in ordinary podsol, which the iPodsol lacks. Instead, the iTree desires aluminium and rubber, which can be found in abudance in iPodsol.

While ordinary podsol is preferred by conifer trees in general, the iPodsol is only compatible with iTree's, with which it has a symbiotic relationship. Most conifer and deciduous trees appears to be completely unable to assimilate the material in iPodsol.

Because of its unique composion, iPodsol soil is incredibly expensive to produce and only ten tons of it has ever been produced, something which limits the number of iTree's greatly. However, more iPodsol is under production during the present year (2006), and this shortage may be nonexistant within a decade. In the following five years, up to 1000 tons of iPodsol is due to be produced, and by 2015, iTree's may already have become every mans property, growing in gardens all over the Western world including Japan. The downside is that this may very well be the end of the portable audio player industry, when iTree's becomes common and gives a wealthy harvest of new iPod's at the end of each summer. However, this is not likely to happen as the world will already have ended in december 2012.

iMmanuel College[edit]

Is a school in Victoria, Australia that was purchased from the Marianists by Apple in 2000. The students there learn how to work as cheap labour for the company.

iMicrowave[edit]

Probably one of the least known of the iProducts.

Here is the only known picture of the iMicrowave. Also known to be seen on Mad TV.

iHack[edit]

All Hackers Use this to hack an iPod with an iCode to iHack it in all iColours.

iColors[edit]

Chicken

iIllegal[edit]

Used to catch a iHacker when it's iHacking an iPod.

iShows[edit]

iSurvivor[edit]

Used to play on this game on your iPod.

  • Also useful when iWhile iPlay iThis iGame.

iThe iPrice iS iRight[edit]

A iNEW iGame iShow iAbout a iContestant iWinning iAll iOf iThe iMoney.

iNetworks[edit]

iCBS[edit]

A New iNetwork on the iEye iCBS iLogo.

iHere is the iCBS iLogo.

iNBC[edit]

iThis iIt's iFor An iTune to iLissen to iMusic iN iB iC.

iOn iChannel[edit]

iOn is a iSpin iOff of ion iBut with an iUPPERiCASE O for an iPod of iApple.

iBBC[edit]

An iNetwork for the iBrits in the iEurope.

iService[edit]

iVerizon iFiOS[edit]

An iServer might iHook it up iFor iYou iSo you can iHave it.

iCOX iDigital iCable[edit]

iCOX iDigital iCable is an iPod iChannel iServer iWhile you iCan iWatch iCarly iOn iNickelodeon.

iBleep iButton[edit]

iPress iThat iButton iSo i iDon't iWanna iHear iThose iBad iWords.

iA iB iC's[edit]

iA iB iC iD iE iF iG iH iI iJ iK iL iM iN iO iP iQ iR iS iT iU iV iW iX iY iAnd iZ iWhy iWon't iYou iCome iAnd iSing iWith iMe

iCar[edit]

See iCar Oops iMean iPod Car

iBlock iYou[edit]

An Admin will iBlock an iUser and Use an iPod to iBlock an iUser.

iFridge[edit]

An also little known iProduct. Plus it's an iHacked Product.

Here is a picture of the iFridge

iSpoon[edit]

Ahh just go to the page. iSpoon Bill cosby likes it.

iBowl[edit]

The iBowl is Stanford University's 140,000 capacity, $999 Billion, football stadium and is the largest stadium in the world. It also host a BCS College football match up between The SoCon and The Mountain West. It has a payout of $90,000,000,000,000 for colleges attending and another 999,999,999,999,999,999 for the winner. It has been named the the hardest place to play in sports according to Sport's Illustrated because of the 200dB noise that players experienced during a game between Stanford and USC.

The stadium also includes other i products such as the iFootballField, iLockeroom, iPracticeField, iScoreboardHD, iParkingLot, iPressbox, iGrass, iChairs, and the iRoof. == iAssasin == The product follows with every package of i-products, just simply use the cords to strangle your enemies

iPi[edit]

i3.14159265358979323846...

iObject[edit]

Allows you to win any Court Cases with a Scream of "Objection" and a point of your finger.

iSee iAlso[edit]