Why?:The UnOfficial Pokédex

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The novel The UnOfficial Pokédex is also available in paperback.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about List of Pokémon.
This Pokédex Guide, written by EvilPalkia and Joe9320 is now available in all bookstores across Australia, the US, Europe, Japan and even Korea but not China! It is cleverly disguised to avoid suspicion from the Chinese

Notes about this page[edit]

You may have noticed that the Page layout is similar to two other Pages on Uncyclopedia, this is because the two users EvilPalkia and Joe9320 signed a peace treaty accepting the two pages as one. So in theory, this is an attept to take over Uncyclopedia.


General Introduction[edit]

This Article may make your face die, if you are a Pokefan liek the authors then you will be fine but if not, expect your face to stop breathing and stop pumping blood.

For all the Pokéfans out who want to catch all of the Pokémon, but don't have a game and/or don't watch the anime then here's your chance. Here's the UnOfficial Pokémon Pokédex! Go ahead, pick up a copy (but don't let the Chinese folk know that this is a Pokédex, they think it's a guide).

How many are there?[edit]

There are over 640 Pokemon in this so called 'National Pokedex' according to the Pokedex 5.0 model (646 released and 3 more that everyone has hacked). These are divided up into 5 regions-one region for each generation, the first region contains 151, the second added another 100, the third added 135 (totaling 386), the fourth added 107 (Pearl and Diamond) to bring the total to 493, and the final (Black and White) added 156, bringing the grand total to 649.

This list is going to make your face die

Can't to region[edit]

Yes, it's named after a real area in Japan

Starters[edit]

1--Bulbasaur (Bul-ba-saw)

Bulbasaur's design was based on a marijuana plant after a few sessions. Considering this pokemon is number 1 in the pokedex, it is not the mascot pokemon, which is as dumb as dumb can get because everybody knows that...WHAT THE HELL, why is this pokemon shaped like a acne infested thing with a stupid plant on his back, mentalisms are involved here and ever increases my urge to get one massive steamroller and flatten it down into a tiny little piece of pulp and hear it go squishy. It may also be wise to make note that another section of wikipedia called Bulbapedia [citation needed] in which some people who actually hate the tv show and use pawnage pokemon come together and try to kick Cerubii noobs off the internet, they also speak the truth, just like Uncyclopedia [or so we think].


2--Ivysaur (I-vee-saw)

WARNING: This Pokémon will poison you. This Pokémon most liekly contains poison ivy, and if you touch it, or it touches you, you will be scratching for the rest of your life.


3--Venusaur (Pee-nis-saw)

The fat plant on it's back that is responsible for 60% of it's weight and eyes that go red when it is about to die from morbid obesity attack, yes this is Venusaur. In Super Smash Bros Melee Venusaur causes a minor earthquake by shaking its big fat deformed man boobs arse.


4--Charmander (Char-man-duh)

Main article: Charmander


5--Charmeleon (Char-me-le-on)

From posh to power, this Pokemon has trully evolved, but it's a shade of pink.............................DAMN IT! Also known as Charmillionaire.


6--Charizard (Char-iz-(well)-ard)

The seemingly most powerful Pokemon ever, however this is a quote by noobs who only watch the tv show and take absolutely no interest in the game whatsoever because if they did they would realise that Charizard has no defence whatsoever and is easily pwnified by rock types and Blastoise.


7--Squirtle (squirt-it-all-out)

The name came from one of Nintendos slave labourers who only knew Japanese and Engrish, hence the word squirtle is used to describe a man doing certain things which involves...continuing this sentence will instantly cause severe mental breakdown in the readers of this article.


“Squirtle.”

~ Squirtle on enjoying himself


8--Wartortle (War-lemon torte-all)

Famous for it's absurd longevity because of it's white, fluffy and out of place tail. If one were to remove that tail then Wartortle would only be able to live the length of a turtle, which is about..............er................200 years. Fuck that, lets shoot it.


This is not a Blastoise, it is a 1337 Blastoise!

9--Blastoise (Blar-stoys)

A pokemon that uses it's hydro hump to pummel through even diamonds that have been buried underground by Jesus himself, this means that there must be some way of the move being imperfect. If I send out my blastoise and it uses hydro pump then I am expecting pokedeath, DAMN IT STUPID TURTLE YOU MISSED, oh great now the enemy is using thunder and it's raining so it will hit, oh fuck a BLUE SHELL??? wait that's just another Blastoise. When exposed to a fire stone, Blastoise will evolve into Bowser.



Creepy and Cute (10-29)[edit]

"Me hates the Creepy and Cute!"

10--Caterpie (Cat-er-pee)

It's sooooooo cute that only dumb bitches like that dumb bitch Misty don't like it. Caterpies are actually a secretive weapon used by Uncyclopedia to invade Jimbo Wales' office and render him useless with their adorable faces, then tie him up with string and steal his cash. It is also good to note that all the Wikipedian admins noobs will be tied up in this process so don't worry about those cute caterpies. Caterpie is noticable for knowing only tackle and string shot so don't expect them to take down a blastoise. It is against the law in England to evolve a caterpie. [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]


11--Penis Metapod (pee-nis Met-a-pod)

It is a commonly known fact that Penis Metapod can only learn the move harden and only learn it when they evolve at level 7, what is confusing about Penis Metapod is that Caterpies that evolve into Penises Metapods keep tackle and string shot whereas Penises Metapods that are found in the wild only have the move harden and are usually level 4 or 5; this has sparked mass confusion among people including myself and you (the person wise enough to read this article and not read Wikipedia). In the tv show Penis Metapod has a boner stands to enable it to ejaculate attack use harden in order to create a very boring and long battle, those who evolved their Caterpies into Penises Metapods can use cum shot string shot and tackle in order for it to win a battle. It is well known that noob bug catchers have these pokemon.


12--Butterfree (I can't believe it's not butter)

As the name suggests Butterfree is a floating mass of butter. It is unknown why Metapod evolves into to butter, but it is assumed that it is the lack of evolution time (three levels) that prevents the liquid inside penis Metapod from structuring into anything more than a semi-solid mass.

“It has been clinically proven that butterfree is in fact butter-free. Interpret that anyway you want.”

~ A Poketologist on Butterfree


13--Weedle (Weeeee-Dull)

A weedle is the thing you scrape of the bottom of your shoe that you believe to be gum. They are out-ranked in every was that matter by Caterpie and his sheer awesome cuteness; However, he does have a horn which he uses to inject a life-changing liquid into those it dislikes. Weedles are also good at pissing you off early in the game, Why they enjoy poisoning your charmander is a mystery.


14--Kakuna (Cack-oo-na)

Kakuna is the yellow version of penis Metapod. penis Metapod yellow Chuck Norris Palkia Kakuna are often seen evolving into Beedrill at the most inconvenient time and then precede to Fucking kill Ash. Kakuna also prefers to not move and stay still as well as look angry; did you also know that Kakuna wear ties? that is because they are secretly ancestors of Donkey Kong


24--Arbok (Cobra in reverse stupid)

Arbok spells Cobra backwards, but as if to hide the fact some dumbass put a k at the end of its name instead. Apparently, if an Arbok gets its head cut off the head will regrow a body, which although seems like an awesome ability turns out to be totally pointless because even pokemon with swords for hands (scyther) can't even draw blood in battle let alone decapitate snake heads.


25--Pikachu (Peek-a-chew)

Main article: Pikachu

Nintendos mascot Pokemon is this thing, a yellow rodent that goes around electrocuting everything and everyone it sees, Poketologist seem to have been studying the behavior of one such Pikachu and have uncovered this information:

“It seems to shock its oppenent, make them blast off and only for them to appear 1 episode later completely unharmed as if nothing happened”

~ The Poketologists

It was a custom in the old days (1337) to absolutely hate Pikachu but now people have intelligence and have realised that there are only 5 reasons why Pikachu is the source of most hate among chavs

  • Ash Ketchum
  • Their bad stats in the games
  • They could take down ground types and Dragonites
  • 4Kids (that stupid company)
  • They made an excellent stew ingredient

It is now thought that a lot of people are starting to like Pikachu and these are the reasons why

  • They are cute
  • They are very cute
  • They make a great pet
  • They make a very great pet
  • They are too good for Ash Ketchum
  • They are the true heroes of the tv show
  • They cook a very tasty stew

At a recent attempt for Nintendo to make an edible piece of merchandise to their ever growing selection of stuff, Ninty have made a gum called Pikachew, it is a gum that tastes like a yellow gummi from Pokemon mystery dungeon.



Creepy and Cute (30-49)[edit]

39--Jigglypuff (Jigglo-puff)

The brain of Rick Astley, it snuck out of his ear whilst he was sleeping and used the internet to clone itself, now there are Jigglypuffs everywhere. It sings songs which are either so good they put people to sleep, or so bad they render the hearer unconscious; either way the Jigglypuff throws a tantrum whenever it see's someone sleeping whilst it is singing, during these tantrums it has a habit to happy slap people, some Jigglypuffs stab you with a whiteboard pen, an example of a famous Jigglypuff is Kirby.


40--Wigglytuff (Wig-glee-tough)

Jigglypuff evolves into a Wigglytuff when exposed to the nuclear radiation of a Moon Stone, so don't start shouting at me if you can't evolve your Jigglypuff by beating up your friend's Blastoise. Wigglytuffs eat stuff and copy the victim's abilities before spitting them out and causing 8% Damage; Wigglytuff have a visual relation to a Rabbit as well as a sex life slightly more active than Bill Clinton, meaning they multiply quicker than Bacteria. Wigglytuff have powerful singing voices that entertain crowds without leading them in a nightmare meaning we can all sleep soundly tonight.


41--Zubat (Zoo-bat)

A Pokemon that seems to be in every cave in every region in every game. These little shits are the reason they came up with repels. No matter how many times you run, they always seem to find you (even though they don't have eyes). They also like to out speed your poor pokemon so that you can't run away, causing your defenseless squirtle to kill itself in confusion. They are most commonly used by every member of Team Rocket, Team Magma, Team Aqua and Team Galactic. Zubats love darkness and appear at night in tall grass (but only in the areas which their heads won't get bitten off), this has prompted Poketologists to believe that they could well be bats along with evidence that they are blind and use supersonic sonar radars to communicate and stop them bumping into things like Blastoise.


42--Golbat (Goal-bat)

A Zubat that has undergone serious evolution for the better, it now has eyes to see what is going to kill it and a big mouth to eat footballs (and suck your blood, apparently); however, the genaral public were not convinced that the idea that Golbats drink blood and could be still allowed to live by the pest control. The idea was put into production by Poketologists in Kanto who wanted to scare people into eradicating a species that they didn't like so that they can do whatever the fuck they wanted, even going into space. What Golbats actually do with their big mouth and new-founded eyes to observe and congregate. Golbats are actually alcoholics who raid wine stores and get tipsy, hence the inability to fly straight after they have drank too much red water.


43--Oddish (Odd-ish, but maybe a little more odd)

A walking weed and a cheap creation; Nintendo came up with the idea of taking a common patch of grass and gave it a face so it's practicaly useless in competitive battling. People have found other uses for them, for example, projectiles (perfect with a slingshot) and a variation of the game conkers, some people even smoke oddish because it's not called the weed Pokemon for nothing.




Creepy and Cute (50-69)[edit]

50 and 51--Diglett and Dugtrio (Dig-let and Dug-tree-oh)

Everybody knows that a Diglett looks like a dildo above ground [citation needed] but nobody knows what they look like from underneath, the typical Pokemon trainer believes there is nothing at all and there is Earth instead, but there are those among us who are driven by sex and think there are long legs and a penis underneath it's dildo like head [citation needed] Dugtrio are just 3 mad Digletts who decided to have a threesome.

DramaticQuestionMark.png
Did you know…
Huffing a Meowth is the same as Huffing a kitten, the only diffence is that the huffer feels more pleasure from Huffing a Meowth because it's the only way to SHUT THE CAT UP!


52--Meowth (Mee-owf)

Main article: Kittens

Their talking will make you go BFI


54--Psyduck (Sigh-duck)

Psyduck is a Pokemon with a serious headache problem that really needs a coctail of Paracetamol and Nurofen to target pain fast. Psyduck is famous for using psychic powers in the anime but in the games such as diamond/pearl/platinum, Psyduck is just a water type that learns psychic moves. Misty had a Psyduck until Mewtwo's awesome badassness made it disapear; Misty cried for her Psyduck but in reality she didn't care, infact she was slightly happy since the Psyduck was stealing money from her to fuel its painkiller addiction.


55--Golduck (Gold-duck, despite being blue)

This Pokemon claims the right to being the evolved form of Psyduck, but it is actually one of those crazy feathers for justice people.


68--Machamp (Chuck Norris)

A Pokeman that can supposedly throw anything to the farthest reaches of the (Super Mario) galaxy, recent studies by the Poketologists claim to have evidence to prove this.

“HOLY SHIT, Chuck just threw a weight into space with a heaviness capacity of OVER 9000!”

~ The Poketologists

It may have also crossed peoples tiny minds that Machamp wears a belt and Pants, this is a fashion statement and is no way a way to hide their non existant dicks control their power because some 'so-called experts' believe Machamp would not be able to control its power if the belt were to be removed.



Creepy and Cute (70-89)[edit]

81--Magnemite (Mag-ne-might)

A robotic bastard that uses its god damn magnets to fuck with hikers compasses and render them lost so that they can knock them out and steal their food; they've also been known to kill Nosepass by flying around them until they explode. Magnemites are robots that were created by Dr. Robotnik as an april fools joke to ruin Sonic's hairdo but now he can't get rid of them so the Magnemites are flying around causing car and plane crashes and generally pissing people off. It's hard to kill them since they're made of steel and are god-damn robots.


82--Magneton (Mag-ne-ton)

Three Magnemites whos prank completely backfired on them. They attempted to destroy london by flying and circling London ring road by slowly getting faster so all the metal in in london would fuck up and all the cars would die, but because London is so bloody big it didn't work; they tried doing the same but this time gradually nearing each other at the same time. Eventually they got so close that they magnetically attracted each other and fused together, what is worst however is they couldn't separate and had to search for someone to prise them apart. They had no luck because nobody wanted to help life forms who tried to destroy the city; days later they had been charged for terrorism.

Conclusion: Don't fuck with Londoners.


89--Muk (Kum backwards stupid)

Muk or Mucky Mc Muck Muk is a Pokemon made out of muck, it's muckiness shall muckify the world and leave the world in a a poisonous state; but let's be honest, nobody cares (except these lot):



Creepy and Cute (90-109)[edit]

92--Gastly (Gas-lee)

A Pokemon that despite being over 5 ft tall, it's weight is unmatched by any Pokemon apart from it's successor Haunt(ed house)er but not because it is the heaviest, it is because it weighs exactly 1*10^-42 grammes.


100--Voltorb (BOOM! AH MY LEGS HAVE BEEN BLOWN OFF!)

if you don't flee now you may be caught up in the asplosion!!!

OH CRAP, THIS POKEMON A SPLODE, EVERYBODY FLEE!!!

Voltorb.Png Voltorb.Png Voltorb.Png

102-- Exeggcute (Eggs-are-cute, apart from these ones)

An Exeggcute is a posse of slaphead chavs with heads cracked from the relentless amount of street fighting they do, but they do this is because they are crackheads. They can be found in south London and Glasgow council estates. This is also the only pokemon which is not harmed by the move ASBO, the move ASBO makes every other non-legendary pokemon cry and get disowned by their parents; when an exeggcute gets an ASBO however, they throw a party and their parents buy them some cider so they can get pissed. They then go to a rival group of Exeggcute and go brag about the new obtained ASBO and then proceed to play some rap music and make lots of verbal pollution.


102-- Exeggutor (Eggs-are-cuter)

Ok.... WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED HERE, these Exeggutes have goten so close, they NOW SHARE THE SAME BODY; this is actualy kinda disturbing. They are OVER NINE THOUSAND times the size of an Exeggute...., WHAT THE HELL, THEY'RE EVOLVING INTO A TREE. Okay this pokemon is FREAKY.

Exeggutor is a Pokemon with more then one head but this doesn't mean that it hasn't been done before, I mean why don't you have a look at Weezing, Magnemite, Dugtrio, Cherubi, Doduo and Dodrio.


106--Hitmonlee (Hit'man'lee)

A Pokemon that can extend it's legs to over 42 times the length of it's arms, modern Poketologists have been investigating the matter by performing specific tests on this Pokemon in order to find out why it's legs extend so long--this was their report:

“In order to track down the Hitmonlee we need something that can go faster than 100 mph, so we got our hands on one kick ass Lotus Elise that is nimble and quick but is also small so we can easily catch a Hitmonlee if it goes into the forest. About 5 minutes later we managed to capture one in our custom made cage and took it to the lab; we put it to sleep and cut a slit in it's leg skin and inside we discovered something that blew us away, instead of ligaments and bones that we were expecting to see we saw hydraulics and a metal that had a similar chemical make-up to a legendary Pokemon.”

~ The slightly more well known Poketologists


107--Hitmon(4)chan {Hit'man'(4)chan)

A Pokemon famous for dressing as a Paedophilic cardio worker and firing punches at the speed of light (although the first one is more famous than the second). Being able to punch at the speed of light, Hitmonchan is the only Pokemon where absolutely nothing makes sense and because of this not even Poketologists can come up with anything that explains the speed of light punches.

This list shows why punching at the speed of light is impossible

  • If it were punching at the speed of light it would go backwards (or something like that)
  • In order to punch at the speed of light you need infinite energy or be very fat, however the fatter you get the slower you move, on that note Hitmonchan has a small waist.
  • If it were to punch at the speed of light then everything else apart from the fists would age quickly, trust me on this but I have no idea how this Pokemon does it--don't mention drugs because nothing can punch at the speed of light high on Magic Mushrooms.


114--Tangela (Tang-Gella)

Tangela is supposed to be based off of Medusa in Greek Mythology. But to nintendo, that means "let's draw Top Romen!" Apparently, Tangela has the tendency to eat small latino children and monkeys (but not before stealing their shoes). Poketologists have observed this phenomenon and recorded these findings:

“Watching a Tangela eat a mexican and a monkey is like watching a child eat Spagetti except for in reverse. Its quit amusing. ”

~ The ever-present Poketologists


Creepy and Cute (110-131)[edit]

Wherers GuiLDEen

119--Seaking (FUCK-YEAH)

Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) is a Pokemon with a male title in it's name but has a frilly skirt thing coming out it's Joy hole. The concept of this turned a few People into thinking that it was a Cross dresser, but some people somewhere on the internet (most likely from 4chan) decided to avert the attention away from this and prove its man power. It was a bigger success than first thought and now we know that Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) is used to cover up what really caused most (if not all) of the natural disasters since 1337 (although its horn does all the work).

List of cover ups

  • Titanic--It did not hit an Iceberg but a rather large Seaking (FUCK-YEAH)
  • WW1--Doesn't count, Germans aren't natural
  • WW2--Also doesn't count
  • Hiroshima--A Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) dropped a Bomb rather than a fat aircraft
  • The Golf War--Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) won with -42 despite not being able to use a golf club
  • 9/11--A stray Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) crashed into the twin towers and knocked them over, it was not terrorists like first thought
  • Boxing Day Tsunami--Instead of the cause being Santa punishing people for not giving him enough Mince Pies, the Tsunami was caused by a Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) and a Magikarp splashing in the Indian ocean.
  • Hurricane Katrina--Also known as Hurricane Seaking (FUCK-YEAH), Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) was using gust, rain dance and whirlpool and got a bit carried away.

Things Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) did not cover up

  • Election and re-election of George Dubya Bush--Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) left him to his own fate, I mean who would cover up for the worlds biggest THICKO
  • Release of the PS3--The cover up was too obvious and people immediately found out that Sony were releasing a piece of crap seeing as it was about time for them to do so.
  • The Eurovision song contest--Because of the (oil) rigged voting Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) does not cover up for the political 'block' voting aspect. Oil rig voting makes Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) sticky and heavy and unable to swim. It is estimated that over 9000 Seaking (FUCK-YEAH) die each year from oil rig voting.


122--Mr. Mime (Translation only required for dimwits)

Main article: Gay
Main article: Frenchy

123- Scyther

Main article: Billy Dean

Billy "Scyther" Dean is the 123 pokeman. He has pointy-ass things to hit you with. I think he evolves, but into some red fuck. I don't get it. Green evolves to red? Ok, sure whatever.

124--Jynx (Jincks)

Main article: Racism

Jynx was famous for being a black stereotype.


129 and 130--Magikrap and Gyarados (Magi-crap and Ga-ra-dose)

Magikrap is a Pokemon that is obviously crap, like with a lot of low stat Pokemon it can take down a legenday easier at level 5 than at level 100 (although Magikrap can't even attack until level 15). Most Pokedex descriptions describe Magikrap as pisces of useless shit and the only thing it is capable of doing is Splash. Surprisingly Magikrap does have 3 good points:

  • It evolves into Gyarados relatively early
  • It does have a little bit of Defence meaning that low level physical attack Pokemon (such as Pidgey) usually take a long time to kill level 5 Magikraps
  • It is surprisingly fast, no really it is. It has an 80 base stat for Speed (better than average) meaning some Pokemon 5 levels above it will be slower.

Despite all this, Magikrap can only Splash around until level 15 at which point it learns tackle, but this is only 35 base Power and with no STAB (same type attack bonus or something like that) it makes the move KRAP. Gyarados on the other hand is a ferocious, violent and savage Muvvafukrz. It is considered the most powerful non legendary Pokemon that can attack every turn.



Creepy and Cute (132-143)[edit]

132--Ditto (----//----)

Some Blob that can transform into anything, sometimes it keeps its silly Ditto like face and just makes what it transformed into look gay. One time I put a Ditto onto newspaper and it copied the comics.


137--Porygon (Pory-GONE)

A virtual Pokemon that was produced by the extremely smart brains of Silph Co. and stolen by the greedy minds of Microsoft. Microsoft manipulated the original design to enable it to induce seizures in the customer and/or Japanese children unfortunate enough to watch the cartoon.

NOTE TO THE NEXT PERSON STUPID ENOUGH TO CLICK THE SEIZURE LINK

Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext.png
There is an alternate version of this article at Pikachu seizure.

This article may induce migrane headaches, epileptic fits, blackouts, confusion, eye strain and retardedness in the reader even if they have no record of previous suffering.

CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK

Main article: Seizure


143--Snorlax (That Piece of FAT)

Main article: Snorlax

Snorlax is famous for Doing nothing but eat and sleep, this is because he is a lazy bastard and above that, the more it eats the lazier it becomes.

The origins of Snorlax

Poketologists think Snorlax came from America

Poketologists have been researching this Pokemon ever since it migrated from America to Can't to. Since the start of the researching the Poketologists have unveiled some shocking truths about Snorlax

“Since the start of our investigation we discovered that Snorlax has very similar traits to the Americans”

~ The ever-present Poketologists

What Snorlax eats



The Legendaries[edit]

144-146--Articuno, Zapdos and Mozilla Firefox

Main article: Pigeons
Main article: Legendary Pokemon


151--Mew2 (It's Mew But Theres 2)

Main article: Mewtwo

Some People Think that Mewtwo has some relation to Jimbo Wales, to prove these people right, a list has been drawn up of Similarities between the two...

And that's about it really

So here are the Differences

Tumbleweed.gif


150--Mew (Myu)

Click this link to go to a page

Click this link to go to another page

Joe-toe Region[edit]

After a hefty start with underpowered Pokemon we hope to move on to more important matters such as more powerful and interesting Pokemon, unfortunately what we got was a load of F***

Starters[edit]

152--Chikorita (Chick-o-reeter)

For those who are immediately thinking 'hot chick' you could be in for a shock, this leaf headed Pokemon looks feminine but over 80% of them are male, this is because of the companies secret transvestite message. Anyways this Pokemon is the famed for chucking leaves at people, somehow hurting them, and being the starter with the lowest attack stats.


153--Bayleef (Bay-watch-leaf)

Simply a bayleaf. I bet you can't eat it I bet you could also huff it.


154--Meganium (Meg-GAY-nee-umm)

Another classic mispronounciation. Me-ga-ni-um is actually pronounced meg-GAY-nium, such a disappointment. This Pokemon is known for defeating it's foes with scents and powders rather than attacking, I recommend giving one of these to a farty whiffbag because they make the room smell nice.


155--Cyndaquil (Cin-da-kwill)

A Pokemon that everyone seems to liek, why--I have no idea but seeing as it is the most timid Pokemon of all we will not leave it at that


156--Typhlosion (Tie-flow-shun)

The Peoples second favourite Pokemon, I have no idea why because it has a very unintelligent design and can be drawn by even the crappest of all artists. The Pokemon is famed for burning up when it's temper reaches boiling point and will incinerate anything it comes into contact with. It's signature feature is the flame on it's back (which actually makes it relatively cool)

This is not a Totodile, it is a Grue


157--Totodile (To-to-die-all)

Be careful around this thing, it may bite your arm off or even eat you


159--Feraligatr (Fur-al-ig-ate-her)

Be careful around this thing, it will eat you, hydro pump you to death or crush you under its weight



Creepy and Cute (160-242)[edit]

172--Pichu (Pee-chew)

awwwwwwwww

Cute, cuddly and filled with Lewd urges to spank itself. Pichu was released by Nintendo to add some cuteness into the game (because all Can't-to Pokemon are ugly besides Caterpie) and to entice people back into watching and playing Pokemon, unfortunately this didn't work and Ninty were counting their very small losses. After a shortfall in popularity Nintendo decide to put Pichu in Super Smash Bros Melee, People bought this game to make very sexy snapshots of Peach. People unlocked Pichu by pure accident and decided to try him out, unfortunately Pichu was crap because it kept stabbing itself every time it used an electric move so Nintendo took Pichu out to stop converting children into emos. After the embarrasment of Melee, Nintendo made Pichu so it it was innocent and could not breed with itself or other members of it's evolutions Egg group. For information about Pikachus Egg group click this link, although you might not really care to be quite honest...


174-- Igglybuff (Ig-lee-buff)

An Igglybuff is the brain of a Jigglypuff that escaped out of the ears of the Jigglypuff; this is strange since Jigglypuff is the brain of Rick Astley so Igglybuff is a brain's brain. Like every other member of the Rick Astley brain family, it gets annoyed when people sleep whilst they sing but because Igglybuff is so small and underdeveloped, it always dies after singing so it doesn't get the chance to get angry.


201--Unown (Un-known)

Some Angry Unowns are Happy to Meet You

Unowns are letters with plastic appendages [citation needed] that are drugged up and stoned to the max, they have no real clue to whats going on in the world around them and are therefore useless at Pokemon Battles. They consist mainly of English alphabetical letters that have been made 'artistic' by some Japanese guy; there are also two more Unowns that look even more pissed because they can't even open their eyes properly, they are called 'Unown ?' and 'Unown !'.


208--Steelix (Stee-licks)

Behold Everyone, the iron Dildo, Steelix is famous for being the hardest of all known Pokemon because it spent so many years underground getting non-stop boners. Famously beaten by a Caterpie, it became a laughing stock among people so Steelix had to find a way to get back at all Caterpies, he raped them all--in his wet dream that night but this was leading to something interesting, something that would change the world for ever. Steelix found the Caterpie that had beaten him the following morning and used his boiling hot man fluids to melt the Caterpie into submission, no Caterpie dared challenge a Steelix again. Steelix is also subliminal- look at the first, last and middle letters of it's name

SteEliX

Do you see it now?


227--Skarmory (Dumb)

Skarmory is a pokemon. Skarmory are known to have different colored wings such as red and dark pink. Crayola sued Skarmory for inventing the drum set, which caused the trumpet players to break their pencils inside of the hi-hat. This raised the sales for crayons, and they ran out of wax for shining their smoke detector. Skarmory live forever except for Saturday.


233--Porygon2 (Pory-gone-too...)

The updated version of the seizure inducing Porygon and designed to cause more violent seizures, here's a list of similarities between Porygon and Porygon2

things Porygon is or has that Porygon2 is or has...

  • Porygon causes seizures, Porygon2 causes seizures
  • Porygon was made by the evil corporation Microsoft, the same applies to Porygon2
  • Porygon is composed of lego, as is Porygon2 (but they sanded it down so it was smooth)
  • Porygon is Red and Blue, Porygon2 is Red and Blue.
  • Porygon hates Mew[Seriously, this needs citation], Porygon2 hates Mew[Where did this come from?].

so as you can see, porygon2 is just a porygon thats been advertised as bieng "modern", theres just about no difference between the two pokemons, typical microsoft scandal, infact porygon2 might actualy be worse since its smaller


235--Smeargle (Smeer-gull)

Famous for it's relentless smear campaigns and paintings, meaning Smeargle is probably more communist than Mudkip or even Stalin. Smeargle now spends most of it's life in a cave randomly drawing paintings on walls or getting trapped in a dungeon somewhere. Painters and artists who come to paint the inside of a pitch black cave (why?) often come across these Pokemon, because they have no other Pokemon, they start paining with the Smeargles and slowly entice the Smeargles to hop in a Pokeball where they will be safe from Evil and rival artists. When a Smeargle gets lost in a dungeon, a rescue team comes out to get them and stop them from entering adulthood; when they do the Smeargle will join their team and offer to paint the flag of which all the designs could have been painted by a 5 year old. Smeargles are believed to originate form France because they wear berets and act like retards, this is reflected in their very low HP, Attack, Defence, Speed, Special Attack, Special Defence and moveset seeing as the only move Smeargle knows is sketch a white flag.



The Legendaries[edit]

243-245--Raikou, Entei and Suicune

These Legendary Pokemon are dead, why does anyone give a fuck?


248--Tyranitar (Tie-ran-it-ar)

A Pokemon that destroys mountains just by belly bouncing into them, sometimes it only needs to give a slight kick to a mountain to send it toppling on to innocent civilians. Maps must be drawn afterwads so the map makers have to constantly re-draw maps and with the Tyranitar population increasing, map makers have resorted to killing some off to lessen their workload.


249--Lugia (Loo-gee-er)

Lugia (or Luigi) holds the title of biggest cushion Pokemon (little attack and lots of defence). Lugia is a genderless species (or so we think) although it had a baby in the TV Show which goes against the games policy of 'Lugia can't breed'.


250--Ho-Ho-Ho-Oh (Merry Christmas)

More christmas fills Ho-Oh than you may be expecting. Ho-Oh is not only pronounced Ho-Ho by so many people (because nobody bothers to read or speak proper English these days), it is also one big fat juicy Turkey that can feed a family in Africa for a lifetime (30 years or so) at christmas time because Turkey is a traditional christmas dinner and it is tasty.


251--Celebi (Sell-a-bee)

Celebi, in short, is a cute, time traveling, feminine ogre all at the same time (because it's looks liek an onion, and ogres are like onions).

Home In Region[edit]

Never insult this region, it gave us the first taste of 'real' powerful Pokemon. This region is refered to as the Home-in region because all the Pokemon are liek Powerful Home-in Missiles.

Starters[edit]

252--Treecko (Tree-ko)

The first Pokemon in the anime to show feelings of arrogance and distress, Treecko first rejected Ash (who wouldn't) but joined his team after seeing how much of a noob he was and knew if he got powerful enough he could overthrow him and start his evil pokemon empire. Treecko is the only currently known Grass type starter that is strictly bipedial, all the others are quadrapeds.


253--Grovyle (Grow-vile)

One of the cool Pokemon from this new generation; it stars as one of the main antagonists protagonists of the 'Pokemon Mystery Dungeon 2--Explorers of Time/Darkness' game in which you have to calm Dialga down because he is having a tantrum. But who cares about that, we all know about that love that went on with Celebi and Grovyle in that game.


254--Sceptile (Sep-tile, but retards think it's pronounced skep-tile)

Shoop da woop???

Sceptile is based on a sceptic due to it's ironic naming. The Pokemon in question is unrivaled in jungle combat and will often chop your head of with it's Leaf Blade attack if you enter it's territory unprepared. On a note, a Sceptiles leaf blade is secretly a sword and it's skills rival even Links. It's back is covered with coconuts to enable it's secret Super Saiyan abilities in a pinch.


255--Torchic (Tore-chick)

Main article: Torchic

A Pokemon that is generally docile and cute, but when it is startled it will cause Forest fires.


256--Combusken (Com-bus-ken)

An ordinary chicken that was enslaved by the evil corporation of anti-Earth and expirimented on to increase global warming and shit like that. in a nutshell, a totally badass chicken that started the industrial revolution.


257--Blaziken (Blay-zik-en)

This Pokemon has roughly the same height, weight and stature of a human, meaning there is possibly fan art somewhere; this doesn't help the fact that Blaziken is also a furry... More to the point, Blaziken has extremely capable combat abilities and has the ability to leap over tall buildings.


258--Mudkip (You serious about this pronounciation?)

Teh turm 'So I Herd U Liek Mudkipz' iz moar ov a complemunt nowadays ravher than an insult
Main article: Mudkip

So, her we r, teh 1 U wer waytin 4 wuzn't it <insert name here>. Mudkip iz a relativlee cute Pokemon wiv gud strengf (must...keep...it...in) and betr than avrige combat abilitees 4 a basic stage Pokemon (trying...trying to...hold...it). Mudkip woz made famus by Brock when he manigd 2 entis 1 to join hiz teem, (can't...hold...the...feeling...much...longer) teh sensitiv radar recepterz mudkip possesez can gide it thru mudy water and can crush roks in a pinch (Its...gonna...break...free). Mudkip also lieks 2 be luvd and cherishd by its traynr (it's...breaking...free......NO)

SO I HERD U LIEK MUDKIPZ

There, I said it, now shut up!!!!


259--Marshtomp (Work it out dumbass)

Marshtomp is different form its previous stage because it stands on two legs now.


260--Swampert (I'm outta here)

There is no way that this Pokemon is anything but epicly amazing

Swampert is an interesting species of Pokemon as it is the strongest starter Pokemon by stats (no I am not making this up) and it can lift boulders that are much heavier than itself. Swampert is one of the main reasons why Pokemon is still alive today, I mean come on, there is nothing cooler than the epic manliness of such a creature.

SO I HERD YOU LIEK SWAMPERTZ



Creepy and Cute (261-280)[edit]

261--Poochyena (Poo-chee-en-a)

Chases you until you get exhausted and then it bites you, if you try and fight back however, it will flee in terror.


263--Zigzagoon (Zig-za-goon)

As the name suggests, Zigzagoon can only move in zig-zags

Typical path taken by a Zigzagoon

\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\  /\
 \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \/  \

A Poketologist gave this statement

“Seeing this Pokemon zigzaging along the ground gave us a major Dizziness spell”

~ The Dizzy Poketologists


264--Linoone (li-noon)

Runs in a staight line at a maximum of 60 miles an hour, while it is running at high speeds it finds it difficult to turn corners, it is challenged when faced with slaloms.

Path taken by a Linoone

------------------------------------------------------

Path taken by a drunk Linoone

---<-.->,1-s-d;fsar--afs)(|\/dasa--

An interview with the Poketologists was recorded at a Linoone racetrack

“Oh good here comes a Linoone, will it crash into the wall? It's getting closer, ooooooooooooooooooh, woh; what an epic crash, I thought it was never going to happen. Huh, who are you, oh crap an interviewer, run like hell

~ The well known Poketologists


265--Wurmple (Wurm-pool)

One of the cuter Pokemon in the Pokemon universe, Wurmple makes a great pet due to it's docile temperament and lovable cuteness. Wurmple are weak for battling but make for good builders because thier move string shot move is a strong binder for temporary wood joints. Overall a bad battle Pokemon but a great pet and helper.


267--Beautifly (From now on, Pokemon with obvious or names that can't be made funny won't get a pronounciation)

Beautifly has similar traits to butterflies apart from looking like them, they like humans and flutter around among flowers with beautiful wings, hence the name Beautifly. They are popular amongst ladies and maybe even certain famed internet personalities for their charm and cute looks. Beautifly has a dark side though and it is one that doesn't match it's name at all; humans are liked by Beautifly but Beautifly are savage towards prey, this prevents them from being the perfect Pokemon.


269--Dustox

Every Wurmple's worst nightmare is finally evolving into a Dustox, Dustox is as ugly as Ash Ketchum and is one of the competitors for the ugliest Pokemon of all time; Despite this, Dustox is commonly used in battles due to it's fighting spirit and poisonous abilities.


270--Lotad

After examining it's behavioural traits and it's diet on a close inspection level equal to that of only certain other Pokémon, the Pokétologists have come up with a scientific and accurate way to describe this Pokémon

“It's a lily pad”

~ The internationally know Pokétologists


271--Lombre (Lom-bray)

An emotionally difficult species of pokemon that spends all day doing nothing particularly interesting, hence many trainers get bored with it and dump it in a P.C. box until they can find a Water stone to evolve it.


272--Ludicolo (Loo-dick-oh-low)

Dances all day and all night, popular amony people with very wierd hairstyles.


273--Seedot (See-dot)

After intense (and somewhat pointless) scientific analysis, the Pokétologists have come up with the conclusion that Seedot is an acorn.


274--Nuzleaf

After more pointless analysis, the Pokétologists believed that Nuzleaf, like Seedot, is an acorn Pokémon but with extra limbs and a random Pinnochio nose.


275--Shiftry (Shit-tree)

It uses its fans to blow just about anything, from saving Jumpluff to cooling you down. Some critics claim that Shiftry can use it's fans to do blowjobs but people rejected this theory because of the sexual humour


278--Wingull

Wingull is a seagull. Be warned: if you're near a bunch of Wingulls, they will shit on you so don't try it.


279--Pelipper (Pell-ip-per)

Your friendly neighbourhood Postman who is happy to deliver your mail. Pelipper can carry all sorts of things in it's mouth such as parcels, mail and even Pokéballs as well as other useful things. Pelipper also deals with friend rescues and thank-you mail which really makes no sense whatsoever.


A Ralts from the anime, it is clearly in a human hospital but as far as Pokémon go, this is acceptable.

280--Ralts

Ralts is a Pokémon that senses the feelings and emotions of trainers and sentient life-forms, people have no idea what happens to a Ralts if it senses a trainer that is feeling horny; such research was recently carried out by poketologists but no conclusions were obtained and what is worrying is a reporter died. The tape left behind left this disturbing message...

“Oh yeah, give it to me Ralts, oh yeah that's good stuff. Hey what the fuck are you doing here, you will die for seeing this. '(Bang)'”

~ The Horny Pokétologists


Creepy and Cute (281-300)[edit]

281--Kirlia (Ker-le-er)

Kirlia makes a cameo appearance in Sonic X as Cosmo the Kirlia.

Kirlia is possibly the most look-a-like 10 year old Pokemon in relation to 10 year old children, this makes it the perfect target for Poké-paedos everywhere.


282--Gardevoir (Gar-dev-wa)

UH OH, YOU ARE ENTERING THE TEMPLE OF THE HOTTEST POKÉMON EVER TO EXIST IN THE WORLD OF POKÉMON, I SUGGEST YOU GET LAID ON VIAGRA AND SHAG HER TILL SHE CAN'T TAKE NO MORE.

As I was saying, Gardevoir is the hottest Pokémon to have ever existed and she is not a furry which plays on the minds of all those who like Lucario. Until Dawn came along, Gardevoir was the sexiest of all things known to Pokefans and pictures quickly got posted to 4Chan under the random category (you know, the giant collection of porn). Since then Encyclopedia Dramatica and other websites have posted pictures of Gardevoir nude, in a bikini or with boobs; nothing is hotter.


285--Shroomish

A Pokémon that Mario accidentally mistakes for a Magic Mushroom and eats, he then gets poisoned and vomits uncontrollably for 5 minutes.


286--Breloom

A magic mushroom that will get you so high you suffer permanant brain damage just by being near it; It is also cooler than you so don't go messing with it!


287--Slakoth

One lazy sloth that doesn't even have the motivation to eat, sleep or do anything to be scientifically accurate. Pokéfans hate the way it jumps off trees onto thier heads, gouges out thier eyes and leads them into giant fissures (although the Slakoth dies too).


288--Vigoroth (Vig-o-rof(l))

A BIG step up from the lazy sloth, infact, it's ability prevents it from going to sleep and it says somewhere that Vigoroth cannot stay still for more than 2 seconds.


289--Slaking

Slaking is a very lazy Pokémon that does nothing but eat and sleep. Pokétologists confirmed that Slaking is related to Snorlax, but comes from Brazil. Surprisingly, Slaking is supposedly the highest stat non-legendary Pokémon


292--Shedinja

Famously known for having 1 HP and being completely shit if the opponent has a Fire, Flying, Ghost, Dark or Rock move on any of thier Pokémon. A stupid and nonsensical part of Shedinja's curse is that if you look into the hollow hole on it's back your soul will be sucked out, which makes no sense because Pokémon trainers using Shedinja have to look into the back of it when they are using them.

Also see HowTo:Kill a Shedinja


293--Whismur (Whis-mer)

A bitch that can scream at a pitch so high that it can leave you deaf in a few minutes.


“Hush! You have to Whismur...”

~ Unfunny Pokétologist on Whismur


294--Loudred (Laow-dread)

Look at ma amps yo, I can pump up de volume and shout ma rap from ma huge mouth, innit.


295--Exploud (Exp-loud)

Keep this jam pumpin' yo! I got BIG subwoofas! Doof! Doof! Doof! Doof!

“It's got stupid organ pipes on itz head what the fuks up wiv tat?”

~ Ash on Exploud after getting high on a Breloom

AAAAAAAAA! My ears!”

~ Pokétologists on Exploud


296--Makuhita (Mak-ooh-heet-her)

Heston Blumenthal's latest recipe is the walking, attacking, killing sumo dumpling that is Makuhita. It's really tricky to eat because it punches you and kills you, not to mention the fact that it causes indigestion. Heston has an army of these which he used to fuck up Jamie Oliver but because he succeded without any casualties he sent them to one of Gordon Ramsays restaurants; this made Gordon flee hopelessly to America with the excuse that he was actually starting a new series of Ramsey's kitchen nightmares USA.


297--Hariyama (Ha-rry-am-a)

The fat sumo of the Pokémon world and a very scary baldy. Hariyama uses it's strength to take on Japanese human sumos in contests while all the Nintendo staff cheer for them (who they cheer for is the one they put money on, generally Hariyama).


298--Azurill (Auz-oo-rill)

A Pokémon that appeared in the 2006 Nintendo game Kirby: Squeak Squad/Mouse Attack as the small mice that throw bombs at you. Other than that, Azurill is famed for being cute and is a regular in Pokémon contest, the places where the shit at battling go to get some entertainment. Spoiler: Azurill is actually a normal type and not a water type.

“It is fat, yet people seem to like it. However, my Marills will not give me one even on viagra

~ Poketologists on Azurill


299--Nosepass

This is not rape, it is a Nosepass inadvertedly huffing a Pikachu due to it's inability to face south.

What has a big nose but isn't a complete retard, yes it's Nosepass, the Pokémon that has a magnetic nose. Nosepass tried complain about thier inability to face south to Nintendo but because Shigeru Miyamoto's office desk faces south, the Nosepass couldn't be taken seriously and they now live their lives sad and depressed. Fun fact, if a Nosepass ever gets to the north pole, they will spin round so fast that they will A Splode due to the magnatism failure


300--Skitty

For sexual (p)references, see Wailord. Skitty has only one other proper use in the Pokémon games apart from sex and that is to huff it.



Creepy and Cute (301-320)[edit]

301--Delcatty

Its uses are the same as Skitty, but for experienced huffers only!

“Oh that's good stuff”

~ The Universally known Poketologists on eating cake, what this has to do with Delcatty or huffing is unknown


302--Sableye (Say-bleye)

Famous for it's immortality against super effective moves (unless certain conditions are met, but it would only be weak to fighting types), Sableye is only one of two Pokémon to be hacked by no-lifes who wan't to cheat and then say 'Your Pokémon couldn't even inflict damage on mine, you are crap'. Other than that, Sableye are mined for rare jewels-or they were until someone valued them and they got diddly squat for them because they were just too small.


303--Mawile (May-while)

Watch out for this creature--It bites! Other than that, Mawile is the girly girl of the Pokémon world and there are many pictures proving this (it's not porn, but it is worth looking at). SNAP!

Mawiles are working in conjunction with the Poképolice to catch suspected paedophiles by dancing and singing to attract them, then chomping on them with its huge jaws (actually horns), they aren't called deceiver Pokemon for nothing you know...


304--Aron

A small metal guy that eats metal for breakfast-literally. Problems have repeatedly come up of trains flying of the rails and blowing up as they hit the ground; therefore, measures have been made to make sure these metal munchers stop eating the train lines-One supereffective roundhouse kick to the skull.


306--Aggron

An aggressive metal-eating Pokemon. It would eat a Boeing 747 in 30 minutes and a mountain in 3 days, but it is generally busy fighting other members of it's own tribe and making sure it is resistant to any kind of attack.


307--Meditite (Med-it-ight)

The Meditite species are small, blue garlic headed creatures that resemble Smurfs with psychic powers. Meditite apparantly only eat one berry a day due to the fact that Papa Meditite wasted the village's money on buying a giant Voltorb cannon in order to try and kill Ash Ketchum but then discovered he had forgotten to order any Voltorbs; so now the villages have no money and all they can do is sit and wait, meditating until some rich trainer comes along so the mugging process can begin.


308--Medicham

The token penis of Pokemon, it meditates to raise it's stats and then gets all bitchy and starts kicking anything it sees, occasionally missing and killing itself.


309--Electrike

This small creature can't generate enough amps to make your head asplode but it can score you high points in a beauty contest if your are a lady or somewhat gay.


311 and 312--Plusle and Minun

Basically just two ends of a battery that need re-uniting; once re-united, this cute duo will set off lots of sparks and dance around happily. Touching them while they do this will result in instant electromacution and touching them in private places while they do this will give you a one way ticket to Pokepaedo prison and a strong bolt of electricity sent up through your spine.


313 and 314--Volbeat and Illumise (Vol-beet and Ill-oom-eyes)

Basically two different coloured Pokemon that when it goes together, it just found some love.


315--Roselia (Rose-el-e-er)

Be careful with the flowers, it's poison. Can be made as Windex or cyanide to be put in Kool-Aid.


316--Gulpin

A small pokemon that is just a stomach, so there is no brain and no other internal organs; this is believed to be the reason why Gulpin can't have a crap or follow simple orders such as killing Mewtwo. Gulpins die when they eat some meat with salmonella and they are overpowered with the sheerness of the food poisoning.


317--Swalot (Swallow-alot)

A poisonous Snorlax, became purple when it ate too much crap and grew a moustache (seriously, WTF). Notably, Gulpin and Swalot have very similar resemblances to Kirby.


318--Carvanha (Car-van-her)

Carvanha is the signature Pokemon of Team Aqua as well as a defenseless piece of shit. It is a theory that swimming in a lake full of Carvanha is a one way ticket to death but surprisingly, no humans have been eaten alive by these piranhas...yet.


319--Sharpedo (Shar-pee-do)

Lame joking about peadophilia aside, Sharpedo is in no way a peadophile.

Sharpedo is actually an species of Pokemon that was originally hunted and decapacitated so only it's body remained; the fins did contribute to the ever-tasty shark fin soup but the body of a Sharpedo was more important for military purposes. You see Sharpedo is the combination of a shark and a torpedo so submariners decided that firing Sharpedos out of the submarines instead of metal torpedos would be a saving lots of money. The idea was to fire the Sharpedo out of the hatch and the sharpedo would be propelled towards the enemy boat, bite into it and sink it; unfortunately, when it came to testing the Sharpedos the Sharpedos did fly out of the hatch but they broke their jaws on the boat from going to fast, hence sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a pile of blood. This was of course Epic fail.


320--Wailmer

A giant bouncy beach ball that cheats use to win games of volleyball and score with the ladies. Wailmer have a cheesy smile that scares the shit out of small creatures.



Creepy and Cute (321-340)[edit]

321--Wailord

Wailord is the biggest Pokemon as of 14/08/2020 but isn't the heaviest. Wailord became even more popular when they became the target of the Hot Skitty on Wailord action meme which came about when someone realised that a small Skitty could breed with a giant Wailord; the Skitty had to be male though because a Wailord penis is 50 times bigger that Skitty itself!


322--Numel

Numel is a baby Camel that numbs its legs by burying itself in the sand for no reason, used by Team Magma grunts because it can expand the Earth slightly while fighting you.


323--Camerupt

A walking volcano used by Team Magma admins to massively expand the land while fighting you. It would have notably been a cheaper option to evolve a load of Numels than to pour a load of rocket fuel into a volcano to expand the land.


324--Torkoal

325--Spoink

A Spoink is a bodiless pig comprising of a head and a spring-like tail. It has to keep up a bouncing motion to keep it's heart pumping unless it wants to kill itself, this is a prime example of a flaw in natural selection God's design.

“Hold that thing down while I catch it...oh [email protected]£t I killed it”

~ A Stupid Poketologist on Spoink


326--Grumpig a whole pig in a spring. it is not clear exactly what this is supposed to accomlish, whith the pig having become a giant lazy fat son of a bitch gotten bigger, but it could be a deformed penis tail.



Creepy and Cute (341-360)[edit]

Creepy and Cute (361-386)[edit]

Sin No Region[edit]

Welcome to sin no where all the somewhat humourous pokemon live, despite being the largest region of pokemon land, they have only three lakes and one mountain, which are occupied by 3 pixies, a dumb doggy, an evil space penis and a goth tapeworm.

Starters[edit]

387--Turtwig (Turd-wig)

Turtwig is a bastard of Squirtle and Bulbasaur. It is owned mostly by coprophiliacs because of it's shitty DNA and cell make-up.


388--Grotle (Grot-tall)

A rotting tree Pokemon that is always searching for a cure; Grotle are rarely found in the wild because of this.


389--Torterra (Tore-Terror)

This ugly Pokemon is dumb enough not to notice other Pokemon laying shitty things on its back; the resulting combination of this and the fact Torterra is made up of its own shit means it really stinks, this has been known to make General Grievous cough on several occasions.


390--Chimchar

A gay little retard of Pokemon that Paul abandoned because of it's gay retardedness and it's inability to fight properly. Chimchars spend most of their days on Pokemon Diamond and Pearl crying out their gay cries of retardedness and getting beaten up by nearly every other Pokemon (even Magikarps get enjoyment out of murdering Chimchars), relative of Charmander.


391--Monferno

After years of being beaten up, Monferno was created when a Chimchar decided to fight against the other pokemon. These can actually fight and once evolved go on a shooting spree. When a Monferno passes through an area, Pokemon are later seen dead on the floor; The Monferno then go on to be Chuck Norris's students in the way of asskicking.


392--Infernape

This is when a Monferno takes steroids. In its steroid rampages, Infernape kills everybody except Sephiroth and Chuck Norris. The CIA is training them to be WMDs in the future attack on Iran.


393--Piplup

Main article: Piplup

Piplups are cute little penguins with the brain of a smart 5 year old. Dawn has a Piplup that she adores but the Piplup questions her ability to battle effectively, hence the amount of losses Dawn has racked up and Pikachu's tutoring of Piplup so that Piplup can actually fight.


394--Prinplup (Prin-plup)

A Piplup that got so full off itself it decided to run for United States President and British Prime Minister at the same time so he could rule the world and launch nuclear weapons at random countries he didn't like. Prinplups supposedly train alone so they can believe they are better than anyone else; this is infact true because Prinplups hate being bested, hence they destroy the world if they do not win.


Empoleon

395--Empoleon (Em-po-lee-on)

When a Prinplup is elected they evolve into the fat monstrosity which is Empoleon, they get very greedy for food and power and get so full on both of these that they have a specially designed bed ordered to hold their weight, using taxpayers money to claim for their expenses; Empoleon also wear a trident over their face to smash through ice to prove they are harder than any other Emploeon. Although you may be thinking that Empoleon sound like the British government and should be kicked out form power, it isn't going to happen because all the rich people vote for them.

“holy shitz itz a giant PeNGuiNZ!”

~ George Dubya Bush on Empoleon


Creepy and Cute (396-415)[edit]

396--Starly (Star-lee)

A Bird and a local resident of your Bird Box. Starlies[Plural Help] have to fly around in a flock to alert people to their presence otherwise a lone Starly will be stepped on due to it's inaudible cry and small size. nobody really cares about it since, well, its a bird,


397--Staravia (Star-rave-ya)

A Starly that got pissed off of being unnoticed and flew into the hairdressers to get a cool hairstyle; unfortunately for him, the hairdresser was a teenage chavette and fucked it up, so the Starly got angry and digivolved into Staravia to drill peck her eyes out while being intimidating at the same time. The Staravia was kicked out by the male shop owner and asked to never return; this prompted Staravia to peck his nose off. That is why Staravias are intimidating today and attempt to attack your genitals if you piss them off.


That's right Bitches, Staraptor is an Emo!

398--Staraptor

Staraptor is the Emo Pokemon with a knife on its head stained in blood from the previous failed attept to commit Chuck Norris by slitting its wings. Staraptor is known to be the 'Predator Pokemon' due to the assumption that it always hunts prey but in actual fact, it is so named the 'Predator' because was seen covered in blood around several dead Pikachu, which lead to trainers to believe it was a killer; instead, it was actually trying to dig graves for the Pikachus and had accidentally got blood on it's head.


399--Bidoof

Nintendo's thanks for us buying their Pokemon games, this load of bullshit is what we get for being loyal to the true masters of video games; Bidoof is the Pokemon equivalent to a useless hillbilly and even comes with wonky teeth that grow at the same rate as a Rattata's. Notable for it's ear torturing cry and its uselessness in battle, Bidoof has one sole purpose and that is to be obliterated by humans in order to relieve stress.

“It isn't worth my time roundhouse kicking these Beavers, it would probably be more economical to let Oscar Wilde do it.”

~ Chuck Norris on Bidoof


400--Bibarel (Bi-barrel)

The big hillbilly of the Pokemon world, it makes everything out of wood,

“ HEY MUM-MAW, GET OFF THE DANG ROOF”

~ A bibarel talking to his adrenaline junkie mother


401--Kricketot (Krik-it-tot)

Kricketot it a disappointment to Crickets worldwide and are known for being head-banging rockers, they love heavy metal and rock bands such as Metallica, lordi or any music that makes Mickey Mouse cry; the origins of Kricketot's head-banging comes from the era when they were nearly wiped out by migranes and banged their heads to try and get rid of them, thus the weird head growth which enables them to emit sound waves similar to xylophones whenever they head-bang. Coveniently, Kricketos have gained natural immunity to the noises they make over the years and this genetic mutation is now passed down to all Kricketots; this however, is not very convenient when it comes to any other life-form.


402--Kricketune (Krik-it-tune)

Kricketune is a cricket with an active career in the music industry as well as winner of the worlds greatest moustache for the umpteenth time; Kricketunes also seem to have swords or sword-like appendages sprouting from their arms as well as a beer belly. Famous Kricketunes include T-Rex (singer), Alice cooper (not to be confused with her his evil nemesis Bowser Koopa--The evolved Blastoise), David Bowie, Mick Jagger and Super Mario


403--Shinx

An Egyptian Pokemon that has intimidate as one of it's abilities, despite being one of the cutest Pokemon in the Sinnoh region


404--Luxio

Nintendo's answer to pets on steroids


405--Luxray

The furry, four legged version of Shadow the hedgehog, except that it has 4D vision (able to see every angle of an object) and it isn't looking for that damn 4th Chaos Emerald


406--Budew

Budew is just like Roserade, but less poisonous. Looks like a bud, hence the name.


407--Roserade (Ro-se-raid)

Don't let the wonderful aroma of its flowers leave you vulnerable because when you let your guard down with one of these, it injects you with powerful poison from its toxic spines that is potent enough to kill you in 5 seconds! Hot DAMN! Despite being poisonous, a Roserade's poison is used to make antivenoms for Ekans and Arbok bites.

408--Cranidos

409--Rampardos

410--Shieldon

411--Bastiodon

412--Burmy

413--Wormadam

414--Mothim

Wow. Another moth? Nintendo really out did itself this time. Not only did they create yet another moth pokemon (see dustox, venomoth, and every other bug pokemon) but they also made it suck shit in battle? Why? Simply because they could. But Mothim does have a unique side which makes it much more of a bitch than Dustox and Venomoth combined: they are always boys. So yes, it means that you will have to spread honey on a tree until you happen to find a male burmy. And then when you finally get one, it evolves into a lamer version of Dustox.

415--Combee

Combee can be found anywhere in the region as long as there is honey or people that are allergic to Bee stings to attract them; Combee is also the mascot of a Filipino fast food chain called Jollicombee.



Creepy and Cute (416-435)[edit]

416--Vespiquen

Vespiquen are violent insects that will kill you on sight. Similar to the common Wasp or even a Hornet, they hide in trees waiting for you to arrive in order to pounce on top of you and throws it's stinger into you while injecting poison that has similar qualities to cyanide; Strangely, all Vespiquen are females.


417--Pachirisu (Patch-ih-ri-sue)

Pachirisu is the cutest out of every Pokemon because there is nothing cuter than this adorable fluffy squirrel and as of yet, nothing has looked at it's adorable face without picking it up and giving it a big fuzzy cuddle, awwwww. All Pachirisu like to hide berries in trees and tie knots while making cute noises that make you want to pick it up and cuddle it; not even God is safe from the love that a Pachirisu brings to you so if you capture one of these cuddly fluffy dischargers then you must cherish it for life!

Dawn's Pachitrisu is however, very annoying due the fact that every time she touches it it discharges and ruins her hawtness, while Brock is standing there thinking "that cheeky little bastard". But he sees its cute wittle face and his heart literally melts (which incures internal bleeding and eventually death). Pachirisu is the only Pokemon that isn't killed by certain 'Evil Pokemon' due to the fact of its cuteness; ironically, this is EvilPalkia's favourite Pokemon.

418--Buizel

419--Floatzel

420--Cherubi

JUST 2 berries

421--Cherrim

422--Shellos (Shell Los)

When Shellos first came out it was predicted to be the pre-evolution of Lapras. However, it is infact the penis pre-evolution of Kyogre Gastrodon, which is apparently some sort of sea slug.

423--Gastrodon (Gas-trough-don)

Despite popular belief Gastrodon is not a Lapras on Heroine.

424--Ambipom (Am-bye-pom)

As it's name suggests, Ambipom is the result of an Aipom having one too many erections. Like magic he grew an extra penis tail and learned to play ping-pong.

425--Drifloon

426--Drifblim

427--Buneary

A fucking gay rabbit with one ear.

428--Lopunny

A Pokemans taking the form of a rabbit with HUGE FREAKING EARS on sticks, and often portrayed as having BREASTS.

429--Mismagius

430--Honchkrow

Creepy and Cute (436-479)[edit]

446--Munchlax (That little fat bastard)

Like its bigger cousin, the Snorlax, Pokétologists found a connection between Snorlax and Munchlax, with one summary: both came from America; It eats and eats, but never stays still. one theory about why it never stops moving is that its scared of turning into a Snorlax, but it has to sleep sometime, and when it does...BOOM, SUPERSIZED


447--Riolu (Rie-oh-loo)

Riolu are a Pokemon similar to dogs except they have the advantage of standing on two legs. Riolus are only obtainable from a guy named Riley who is hiding from the Poképolice lives in a cave (according to the gospels of D/P/PT) suggesting that Riley produces Riolus somehow...some think this happens with a machine.


The uploader of this picture must have been one sick sexual pervert; it was probably Riley.

448--Lucario (Loo-car-ee-oh)

Main article: Lucario

The real truth about Riolus is that Riley kidnapped all the Lucarios and they all had one giant orgy together; Riley gives people Riolus as bribes to stop people turning in him to the Poképolice.

Enough on that, you are expecting lots of furry talk and a lot of nonsense about how Lucario replaced your beloved Mewtwo in Super Smash Bros Brawl right? You should probably check out the main article as and when it appears on Uncyclopedian servers and infects everything with a furry virus, but here is some info in the meantime.

Lucario uses some shit called aura to defend itself, attack, speak (hurray?), sense things and enhance sexual performance as and when it commands; getting near a Lucario is dangerous for you sexual orientation as well as your like/dislike for furry creatures but if you have a Charizard on hand you should be able to burn all that fur and kill the Lucario.




Creepy and Cute (462-479)[edit]

Note: The following Pokemon used to not belong in any regional Pokedex, but they added them into the Pokedex in Platinum, they are all evolutions of previous Pokemon with the exception of Rotom.


462--Magnezone

Magnazones are automatically signed up as members of the Poképolice force once they evolve inside Mt. Coronet unless they belong to a trainer or another organisation that uses them for power sources; A prime example of a Magnazone at work is first exploited in Mystery Dungeon 2 in which criminal pokemon are tortured until they told all.


463--Lickilicky

Eww this Pokemon is disgusting, it grabs you with it's tongue and spits slobber all over you. The thing is that this Pokemon evolves from Lickitung when it learns Rollout at level 33 meaning that you have to teach it a shitty move to get a shitty Pokemon that spits danger (or anyone) in the face.


464--Rhyperior (Rie-fear-ee-ur)

A favourite among trainers for some bizzare reason possibly due to the fact of one of it's abilities, the ability in question powers down super-effective moves; despite this, Rypherior has a substantial weakness to water and grass types as well as having abnormally low Special Defense so a Blastoise or Sceptile should come in handy here.


465--Tangrowth

Tangrowth are Nintendo's attempt to produce an evolution for Tangela gone horribly wrong, not specifically retarded but more wierd than anything and scary. Tangrowth are a lot like Staryu because they can grow back any limb lost in battle (although Tangrowth is limited to its arms), except Tangrowth doesn't need some radioactive gem to re-grow; Tangrowth are also great for trapping people in their vine-like limbs which is why Peadophiles catch them so they can catch little children.


466--Electivire

Electivire are one of the new Pokemon that Nintendo thought up in a rush, this is why it looks cool and owns Blastoise's ass (but not Swampert's); a guy famed for having one is Volkner of Sunnyshore gym, he tried to rape his but Electivire Ko'd him and said he would fucking kill him if he did it again.


See what I mean

467--Magmortar

When Nintendo takes their time putting Pokemon together the end result looks crap, Magmortar is no exception to this long enforced rule; for starters Magmortar has hands that seem to disappear every time it tries to shoot fire out the ends of it's arms, normally fire from a Pokemon like that would burn the hands hidden inside but that doesn't happen, another thing Magmortar has is a fat belly and markings that look massively out of place on it.


468--Togekiss

According to legend, Togekiss only appear in places where there is no violence and peace is present, this is why Togekiss do not appear in the wild. Trainers may have Togekiss but only if they have a good heart.

“There aren't any of these in Afghanistan or Iraq

~ An extremely racist Poketologist on Togekiss


469--Yanmega

Yanmega's original name was Megayanma until some ass pointed out that Megayanma had the word 'GAY' in it, this ass was later killed because everybody liked the name Megayanma and nobody liked Yanmega, unfortunately Nintendo had already published Yanmega as the new English name.

Yanmega has so far been the only Pokemon that has been confirmed to be used by the US military due to their camouflage colouring and the fact that they look like military helicopters; Yanmega weaponry range from chopper blades that produce shockwaves to cannons that produce silver winds, some speculate that Yanmega can also produce bug buzzes using it's chopper blades. Yanmega are excellent when it comes to aerial assults and cutting grass but are currently the only helicopter to easily destroy Roflcopters, as they are immune to laughter inducing devices such as nitrous oxide.


470--Leafeon

Leafeon is the sixth evolution of Eevee (as if they didn't already have enough) and like all the previous evolutions it evolves when 'certain conditions are met'; Leafeon is one of only two grass types (the other being Torterra) to have more that 1 defense but because they are slow they tend to die quickly in battle. All non-legendaries breath like normal carbon-based life forms but Leafeon is an exception because it breathes like a plant, another example of a plant/animal cross is Petey Piranha.


471--Glaceon (Glay-see-on)

Glaceon is the seventh evolution of Eevee and is probably the most popular due to its high defense and special attack, this doesn't mean it is perfect at battling because when it comes down to 1 on 1 it tends to be the bane of steel types. Like every other Eeveelution before it, it evolves under certain conditions but like Leafeon it can only be evolved in a certain place; trying to evolve Glaceon in another region just leads to Nothing.


472--Gliscor

Gliscor is an oddity in the Pokemon world because it looks vicious and threatening but it is actually docile and shares a very close bond with its human Pokemon trainer, whether they are Ace trainers or utter n00bs. When hunting prey they become what they look like, approaching prey with steady caution so they don't scare the prey and make it flee, they grab the neck of the prey with it's powerful claws and slices the head off; after a nice long meal they wash it down with some hydrating filtered volcano water. Despite Gliscor being a flying type they can't actually fly, instead they glide into the faces of trainers to greet them.


473--Mamoswine

Mamoswine is a rather boring species of Pokemon that looks roughly like a Camel-Mammoth cross, although it only takes the hump of the camel to shape its body into a semicircle. Mamoswine have impessive tusks but did you know they are made purely from ice? This means that Mamoswine's tusks will melt into a puddle if you battle it in the desert or on a very hot day.


474--Porygon-Z

Porygon-Z (or Porygonz) is a Microsoft engineered Pokemon that was meant to inflict endless seizures on its victims, thus causing heads to explode. Microsoft was going to use this Pokemon to dominate the world but tests revealed that the the energy required to inflict a seizure liquified the internal organs. Not to concede defeat, Microsoft redesigned Porgon-Z with dubious data and several amplifiers in the hope of increasing the energy level just before release and improving efficiency; the dubious data however, was a prototype Windows Vista data package and this was the reason why Porygon-Z became free. But Porygon-Z had lost most of it's power and had to ditch the seizure causing devices to keep itself alive. If this had not been a prototype data package and was the completed one then Porygon-Z would crash and die.


475--Gallade

Gallade is a Pokemon that evolves from a male Kirlia when exposed to a Dawn Stone. It was created because many people found out that the male Gardevoir looks like it's wearing a dress and therefore thought that little kids might get into cross-dressing, so Nintendo have created this character as a result of complaints from the Westboro Baptist Church et al.


476--Probopass

Probopass is a Nosepass that accidentally leveled up inside Mt. Coronet, although it gained the advantage of sight it still could only face north; Probopass went to Shigeru Miyamoto's office to complain about the inability to face anywhere but north (Read Nosepass section) but was unable to face the desk and thus was not taken seriously. After complaining he went to leave building when Nintendo staff told Probopass "your ass is mine" and they instantly transported him to a dark room and dressed him up as Mario; everyone laughed at him as he was told to repeat Mario phrases, that is until Super Mario rescued him using his final smash and incinerating the staff, Shigeru Miyamoto was horrified at what the staff had done and gave Probopass the gift of controlled magnetism, meaning he could face direction. Probopass is still haunted by the experience today and plans to commit suicide the fail-safe way by pissing Groudon off.


477--Dusknoir

Dusknoir are a tricky bunch of Pokemon because they are ghost types but they are not nasty like Duskull or Dusclops but they are protective of their master when he throws a tantrum. Dusknoir are also considered the angels of death because they drag bad Pokemon with them to hell, which obviously means they work for another master...


478--Froslass

Froslass is a ghost of a bitch that freezes men to death if anyone has sex with it.


479--Rotom

Rotom is a cute little mischief maker that enters your electrical appliances and have some fun. Such examples include entering a microwave oven and microwaving butter instead of defrosting it or entering your T.V. and blocking every channel except PBS Kids Sprout so you have to endure shit like Barney and Sesame Street.



The Legendaries[edit]

480-482--The Lake Trio

The lake trio (consisting of Uxie, Azelf and Mesprit) are a group of beings that came from the same egg; the egg was shat out by Arceus and hatched a week after Giratina was thrown into the world created from Dialga's Roar of Time and Palkia's Spacial Rend colliding, Arceus decided to raise the beings and after they had grown up, he told them to give humans emotion. The lake trio spend all of their time in caves miles under the surfaces of lakes tripping balls because they have nothing better to do and the Poképolice cannot catch them because they are so deep below the surface. On a lesser note, the Lake Trio are cursed.


483--Dialga

Main article: Dialga

Dialga is a weak and unintelligent being because of Arceus, although Dialga is very slowly becoming more powerful and intelligent with Giratina's training. Dialgas appearance is the cross between a dinosaur and a cute dog, the cute dog thing is heard in his speech and noticed in his playful attitude; Dialga is fearful of Palkia because Palkia viciously attacks him due to the fact he is the only being capable of trully defeating Palkia but with Dialgas current state of mind the possibility of that seems impossible. Arceus has been known to to control of Dialga, a perfect example of this is when Palkia battled Dialga in Pokemon movie 10: The Rise of Darkrai.


484--Palkia

Main article: Palkia

Palkia is the most powerful and evil being in existance, his destruction and darkness has been felt across many galaxies of many alternate worlds including this one. Palkia is so evil that he is the only exception to the phrase 'all beings have good inside them, however small' and the only real ally he has is Mewtwo, as they share the same vile dream of a world that is to Palkia's liking; Palkia has made MANY mortal enemies because of this and is the most wanted being across every galaxy of every universe.

Palkia Penis.png
PalkiaShinyPenis.png

Despite being evil and destructive, Palkia is the butt of MANY of Arceus', Giratina's and internet users jokes and penis related puns as well as many a sony fanboys excuse to make Nintendo look like gays, unfortunately those people tended to be noobs and have all been killed by Palkia. It is true that Palkia does look like a penis but that is one of the reasons why Palkia is destroying the universe and killing all intelligent life; so next time you think about calling Palkia a penis, think about the heartbreak your mom has to go through to get you a proper funeral.


485--Heatran

Heatran (as the name suggests) is a transexual, however, nobody knows what the original gender of Heatran actually is because it is has a 50% chance of being Male when it seen and a 50% chance of being Female when it is seen. Heatran's legendary status has been criticized because Heatran doesn't do anything but dig its feet into the walls of volcanoes and breath occasionally breath fire; on a related note, Heatran's stomach is actually a mini sun.


You No Vuh Region[edit]

THIS SECTION NEEDS TO BE EDITED

494--Victini (vick-TEEN-ee)

Victini is the only Pokemon in a region that comes before the starters, in the Unova Pokedex it's number 0 (The second coming of Missingno?)

Creepy and Cute (504-637)[edit]

538 and 539-- Throh (THROW) and Sawk (SAWK)

Main article: Ernie Bert

562-- Yamask (YAH-mask)

Yamask is a Pokemon that is the spririt of another person or Pokemon.

563-- Cofagrigus (koff-fag-GREE-guss)

It's a fucking sarcophagus from Egypt. There is a subliminal message in its name...

572-- Minccino (min-CHEE-no)

It's sooooooooooooo cute and fuzzy but it is a neat freak and loves cleaning things. Poketologists discover Minccino come from Mexico because they are like maids.

574, 575, and 576-- Gothita (gah-THEE-tuh), Gothorita (gah-thor-REET-uh) and Gothitelle (GAH-thit-ell)

Main article: Goth

590-- Foongus (FOON-giss)

They will make you high.

594-- Alomomola (uh-LOH-muh-MOH-lluh)

WTF This Pokemon is not a Luvdisc evolution? WHAT THE HELL NINTENDO?!?!?!

599-- Klink (Pronunciation only for idiots)

A Klink is a cross between a Bronzor and a Weezing.

618-- Stunfisk (STUN-fisk)

Stunfisk is not a water type even though it is a fish, but it is a ground/electric type.

The Legendaries[edit]

641 and 642--Tornadus and Thundurus (Tor-NAY-duss) and (THUN-durr-us)

They are genies that will use their powers to create storms across America.

645-- Landorus (LAN-dor-russ)

Landorus is a nice genie that got pissed off when its two brothers Tornadus and Thundurus were bombing the World Trade Center. So, it locked them in a cage without food, water, or potty break (but they managed to escape and roam around You Know Vuh...)

Glitch Era[edit]

Now we come to the faulty coding in every Pokemon game that eventually causes data corruption and losses of badass Mewtwos.


OMFG! IT'S MISSINGNO.!!!111!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!11111!!!!!
If you put two Missingnos next to each other, it sort of looks like a face. A huge, creepy, grinning glitch face...

0--Missingno. (Miss-ing-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-Period)

Missingno. is pure evil. Kinda like Palkia and Giratina. It is evil because it goes into the game and screws everything up. It looks like a blocky blob of pixels, and sometimes, it looks like a skeleton or a ghost (or was that M? I'm not quite sure). Missingno. is not even a starter Pokemon, and he(she, it, I don't know) lives on the coast of some island, which is appropriately named Missingno. Island. But before you can even see Missingno., you have to talk to this old guy and get him to catch a Weedle, then fly to Missingno. Island, and surf on the coastline. Or something like that. Yeah, you have to do that much just to see Missingno.. There are rumors of Missingno. having the ability to clone the 6th or 7th item in your bag, but as far as we know, this is just a lie created just to see the reaction on the victim's face when they realize that they didn't get a cloned item, and that their Hall of Fame is now screwed up.

For those of you who actually want to see Missingno., Missingno. Island is located directly south of Pokemon Island.