Liza Minnelli

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Anderson Cooper is Gloria Vanderbilt's son”

~ Oscar Wilde on multiple celebrities in the family
At their best, Mr. & Mrs. David Guest

Best known as the ex-wife of self-confessed pan-faced alien David Gest. Also a spokeswoman for the Facial Tic Foundation (FTF) and Jenny Craig. The almost over-looked sister of famed brother-sister act Joey & Lorna (Luft).


She briefly flirted with a singing career in the eighties. She teamed up with the German thrash metal band, the Pet Shop Boys and this resulted in the highest grossing CD of all time - Results. Now considered a one hit wonder, she has been unable to fill the dance floors except on retro eighties nights. Madonna does not even return her calls.

Her television debut was on her half-siblings show - Joey & Lorna. On this variety show, Liza often played the crotchety mother in a family skit. She was also a perennial guest on the late night talk show circuit because of her audacious habit of bringing the scotty from the Wizard of Oz, Toto, along with her. Long dead, her mother had the dog stuffed back in the forties. She is currently a spokeswoman for several diet companies, and briefly starred in the Showtime 9-up series - Fat Actress.


Film was not kind to her. Her disastrous choices in film roles led her the distinction of being named the Queen of Teen, starring in such dubious flicks as

  • Private Cheerleaders
  • Test of Maidenhood
  • Gremlins
  • Fast Girls of Ridell High
  • Home Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation (Industrial)


Her charity work for the Facial Tic Foundation has increased awareness of the cause. The Martin Luther King Day FTF Telethon often causes Paypal's servers to go down.


Minnelli was briefly married to two gays, one named Peter Allen and the other named Jethro, a black, named Alex Hailey, who happened to be both the Author of Roots and son of the tin man, and complete unknown, Mark Gero. The only of her her exs that seem to truly love her was Kiss Frontman, Gene Simmons.

Her disastrous marriage to David Gest fell apart when he insisted she stay in a glass house with his other Memorabillia of Judy Garland. Currently Liza lives in Hollywood with the ex-members of Kiss.


Liza is actually the Mother of My Chemical Romance vocalist Gerald Way, whom she gave birth to in 1982. His father is Billy Corgan whom Liza seduced into bed with the help of an interestingly colored Rohypnol and Viagra cocktail. Liza helped support her son's band by singing with him on his band's new album 'The Black Parade'