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Loblaws is a malevolent grocery store chain bent on taking over the world and the rest of Canada, through sales of genetically-modified (occasionally organic) food items imported from Mars (under the title President's Choice), which are slowly brainwashing the consumers into shopping at Loblaws and only Loblaws.

Loblaws has several other names, including but not limited to Mallblaws, Marsblaws, Blahblahs, and Megablaws.

Loblaws has also expanded from selling only groceries to selling evil robots (which speed up the process of brainwashing through verbal harassment and the injection of mind-controlling nanobots), addictive games, low-priced crap "bestseller" books, clothes, toxic pollutants (cleverly disguised under the unassuming alias of "cosmetics"), brainwashing food for pets (though it is uncertain how this would have any positive effects for the company whatsoever), and thousands of other useless products that the Martian slave workers (distant relatives of the well-known Oompa Loompas) are forced to create, under their unforgiving Canadian businessmen overlords. The only enemy of this obviously fascist company is Wal-Mart. Loblaws has now added a new weapon to its aresnal of shit, RCSS, which means "Rape Clits Super Shit" (reports suggest said overlords were most likely high on the stem cells of the martian slave workers' unborn children when coming up witha name), the people of this Intergalatic corperation have been suspected of building a Death Star using their vast hordes of slaves, and are possibly planning to use this weapon on Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart, of course, has that goddamned disembodied happy-face, so the odds of Loblaws actually defeating Wal-Mart in all-out war are pretty slim.

Some people believe that Zehrs Markets (Owned By Loblaws) is a front for OUM, or the Ontario Underground Mafia. Their daily illegal business includes the sales of day old doughnuts priced and advertised as fresh baked ones. Moonshine is produced in the "Employee's Only" restricted area as well; it is brewed with PC coffee, PC toothpaste and used fryer oil from the "Meals To Go" department. The cosmetics department has been investigated 38 times by UN weapons inspectors for the alleged sale of anthrax; 37 times these weapons inspectors went missing. The other one time, they were found in a Denny's, high on methamphetamines and jabbering on about Swistaks, whatever they are. All these shenanigans are perpetrated by one ringleader, whose infamy in mainstream television does her underground mafia reputation no justice. Her name is Judge Judy Sheindlin. Her bailiff acts as her right hand man, abd does all the leg breakings.