Lobo the Duck

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Lobo the Duck was a character from Amalgam Comics, and is considered to be the best comic-book character ever created, surpassing the likes of Aquaman and Tom Cruise. He is also believed to be one of the finest examples of a well-developed comic book character, if not the most outstanding one.

Origins[edit]

With the production of Amalgam Comics underway, Lobo was created as a mixture of Duck Dodgers and Dracula with a hint of Howard the Duck and a splash of lime, in an attempt to compete with the anti-hero boom of the 1270's. Lobo himself is supposedly an anti-hero and a notorious cereal killer, stalking the likes of Cap'n Crunch, Tony the Tiger, and the Trix Rabbit.

An alternate theory suggests that Lobo was the brain child of Stephen Hawking, who after a failed attempt at getting high of marijuana, tried other substitutes instead. "What if I combined a duck with the powers of a chicken?" And with that question, Lobo was born. Hawking spent several years working on Lobo, but when his contact in the comic book world saw it, they made a few "changes." Hawking was so distraught over the changes, he hit himself until only his eyes could move, leading to a disease now known as Lobotkins.

  • this is all false

Character History[edit]

Lobo the Duck was once a space captain from the planet Quackus II in the Mallard Galaxy. After being bitten by a space-vampire, Lobo fell to the Earth, suffering severe brain damage. Eventually raised by the Mafia of Pakistan as their mascot, Lobo eventually became a "bad-boy", and soon became a flower girl / professional bounty-hunter, killing off the Mafia leaders who raised him before feeding on their corpses. Yes, corpses is a word, and it means a thicket of small trees or shrubs. He freaking ate their plants.

The remainder of the character's history remains obscure as Amalgam Comics paid more attention to the violence, but Lobo did apparently fall in love with a human hippy named Bevarlene and later killed off Ambush the Lunatik, who was a vampire hunter hired to kill Lobo.

Soon after, in the destroyed remains of New York, amidst the carnage of uncountable corpses, Lobo started a threesome with a girl-cabbie and a hot green chick. Unfortunately another chick broke it up. Dammit. Girls always breaking up threesomes instead of joining in.

Publication[edit]

Lobo the Duck first appeared in Medium-Mini-Uber-Micro-Regular-Sized Bat-Thing #6 in 1996, as a back-up feature to the main story, which was a piece of crap itself. Nobody paid attention to Lobo's introduction as they read the first issue and then stopped. Seeing the problem, Amalgam Comics did all they could to get Lobo advertised.

Three ranges were brought out to get Lobo into the spotlight. All but the final one failed:

  • Lobo the Duck Magazine - A winter swimsuit range
  • The Savage Sword of Lobo the Duck - The Saturday morning cartoon aimed at paraplegic children
  • Lobo the Duck - Normal comic-book

Because many readers were so used to the childish eagerness of the Duck Dodgers series, the Lobo the Duck range was pulled from shelves after a whole week of protest, particularly from Calisotan audiences.