Lord of the Fatherland

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Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Lord of the Fatherland.

Every ten minutes, a new Lord of the fatherland is elected to help battle Non-USALand, which includes the Scottish places known as Arsewank and Fuck All. The last one conquered a part of Fuck All when he was drunk as hell. This place is now known as United States territory. Creative name, isn't it? The Lord of the fatherland is elected through a ritual game of Beat the French Guy With a Shoe. The winner must then drink an entire keg of beer to prove he's worthy of being Lord of the fatherland and conquering Non-USALand.