| This article needs liposuction!
|This poor old lady is not in her better shape, but we wish we could trust |
your swift hands to bring her back to her former glory.
We mean rewrite it!
Loyola Motors, S.A. (Japanese: ロヨラ自動車株式会社 Royora Jidosha Kabushiki-kaisha ) is a Basque and Spanish car manufacturer that owns the Society of Jesus, and also somehow manages to be named after a school just outside London. The company is founded by Ignatius of Loyola (the Jesuit), the patron saint of cars, Jesuits and generosity.
|The Loyola logo, used in 1983 and still used today. Toyota sued them but Loyola won many times.|
|Slogan||U - G - L - Y you ain't got no Alibi you ugly!|
Ignatius founded Loyola Pilgrimages in 1963, where he and his friend Francis of Xavier sell pilgrimages to Rome and Jerusalem. The Pope saw it as an excellent way to spread God's Word and Xavier then expanded the industry to Asia, where he converted lots of Asians to Christianity. When they all died out, the business name changed to Loyola Fertilizers and Carriages, producing fertilizer and carriages. The name changed to Loyola Motors in 1933, when they started importing cars, and then begin manufacturing cars in 1963, under Francisco Franco.
Loyola's first model car was a rebadged Ford Mustang, called the Loyola Xavier, first released in 1963. The Loyola Xavier is the most powerful car of that day. It had 200 horsepower and could go up to 290km/h. It had the best Basque technology money could buy and was sold for ₧40000. A dictator named Francisco Franco owned this car and he took it for a ride. He loved it to bits. It was a huge success that the Loyola Xavier became the top-selling car in Spain until today. So the second model, the Ignatius, was released to keep up with the Xavier sales. First released in late 1969, it was larger than the Xavier and was actually an SUV. Anyway, sales went high and the value of the Ignatius plummeted from ₧100000 from its release to ₧50000. The value was also decreased to that of the competing Crapmobile.
By 1976, when Loyola's car quality had decreased since Franco rotted to Hell, Loyola released their third model, which was apparently a piece of shit, called the Loyola LR1000, which was the competitor to the Crapmobile's POS (Piece of Shit). Sales reduced dramatically, and the price of the car was ₧100000. Struggling for money, Loyola exported the Xavier and the Ignatius to France and the UK, where they laughed at their cars because of the crappy paint job, their cars are made out of tin and how they f**ked up their cars. Sold for twenty thousand quid (or forty thousand francs), the Xavier became the top-selling car in the UK and France.
At the same time, the Japanese companies are taking over the car industry, and Loyola started to fail. So the fourth model, the Loyola Navarre, was released in 1979. The quality was much better than the 1970s, but had to face competition from Toyota, which released the Corolla. The Navarre was Loyola's first small car and therefore, was used as a Popemobile for Pope John Paul II, where it was built to a higher quality than the other Navarres manufactured. The Navarre is still manufactured today but it was the first car to have a huge tower at the rear end for the Popemobile.
1980s and beyond
In 1981, the Xavier was given a major overhaul. Sales reached a total of 12000 cars per year. The LR1000 ceased production and the LR2000 replaced it. It's also the first model to reach the American shores, along with the Navarre and the Xavier. It won many awards and then Loyola introduced the Loyola Basque in 1986, which is a cross between the Toyota Corolla and the Ford Falcon. Still, it managed to look like Crapmobile's POS family car and sold tonnes of it. It starts to become the largest automobile manufacturer in Europe, but not until VW took over then in 1992.
Meanwhile, there are several lawsuits to Loyola from Crapmobile, Toyota and Ford, and Loyola started to become everything, from a school to a building construction company. Today, Loyola is innovating technology from Toyota to produce the best high quality cars money can buy. So the newest slogan appeared as "Oh what a feeling! Loyola!", "We Love Loyola" and "Moving forward by angels". Some of Loyola's models were cheap rip-offs of the Toyota models.
That Trademark Loyola Quality
Safety and Quality
Loyola's trademark is the total lack of quality control. They are often called Japanese Trabants. Loyola's ability to produce cars quicker than they wear out is their crowning achievement and their factory motto is Quantity before Quality. The only car with any decent quality was their discontinued Loyola Vehicross
Their failed project
The project of their own version of the Ford Pinto, called the Loyola NSBTT, started in 1978. It was known as "the Japanese Barbecue that seats four" because of its seat heaters destructive tendencies.
Early models have an external combustion engine, but due to 24 deaths, and a further 10 deaths occurring, they replaced it with the internal combustion engine, called the Loyola MBTBAA (might be this boring after all). 34 people have known to die in this car yet many people still bought it. The problem is that the Loyola NSBTT has a shape that looks like a spear, making it blow up when the car rear ends somebody. It comes as a coupe only.
Current Loyola Models in production
- Xavier and Xavier Rally Car (discontinued in 1986- ripoff of the Ford Mustang)
- LR1000 (rebadged ZIL)
- LR2000 (second in-house design)
- Navarre and Navarre Rally Ute (used in Australia- ripoff of the Toyota HiLux)
- Basque (blatant ripoff of the Panda, then a ripoff of the Corolla)
- New Xavier (created in 1997- now a ripoff of the Ford Mondeo)
- Aranzazu and Aranzazu Hybrid (blatant ripoff of the Camry and Camry Hybrid respectively)
- Montserrat (V8- first car designed by Loyola)
- Manresa (blatant ripoff of the Mercedes-Benz C-Class car)
- Lodozal (A medicine developed by Loyola Weed and other Drugs Corporation)
- Gonzaga (Pick-Up Truck)
- NSBTT (the Japanese barbecue that seats four)
- Joop (a failed but blatant Spanish ripoff of the Jeep)
- Faber (van)
- THe Magic Jesus - is loyolas Luxury Car.
- Loyola Merola Compact Car
- They have the Japanese name since the Japanese took over the car industry, along with Loyola's dignity as a car manufacturer