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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Lubricant.

Lubricant. It's shiny. It's slippery. It makes things slide up against each other. It helps reduce friction. Sometimes it enhances friction. Yeah.


Natural lubricants were the first ones to be discovered. They were often squeezed from plants or animals. In the Mediterranean region, many dagos discovered that olives were just loaded with oils, and worked to extract it by pressing the fruit between the breasts of their women. Early stone carvings suggest that this may be how the lubricating properties of oil were first discovered.


One of the best things about lubricant is that when you get it rubbed all over you, you look totally fucking hot

Lubricants are a universal product, in high demand wherever things rub up against one another. In 2003 (the latest year for which data is available) it was estimated that 75% of medicine cabinets and 22% of lunchboxes in North America contained at least one jar or tube of Vaseline Petroleum Jelly. Lubricants today are used to:

  • Keep fish from sticking to one another
  • Adding viscosity to snot
  • Prevent food from sticking to plates
  • Reduce lip burns on tender nipples
  • Protect knees and buttocks from carpet burn
  • Give a healthy shine to unprotected genitalia
  • Foil competitors in serious horse racing
  • Lube up anus holes for pleasure

Economic Outlook[edit]

Today, the massive, turgid lubricant industry throbs with excitement, glistening and slick, poised to thrust into the quivering and eager ring of the world market.

See also[edit]

Fear This[edit]

If your lubricator does this, change your brand! Possibly change the user as well!