Luciano Pavarotti

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The result of Pavarotti eating Pluto

Luciano Pavarotti was born in the city of Pompous in Italy. Weighing in at around 480kg (1060lb) at birth, his rapid weight increase began after he ate his mother, his father, the midwife who delivered him, his eighty-seven siblings, the entire staff of the hospital he was born in, and the entire hospital, all in his first five minutes alive. Pavarotti is famous for being fat, and that’s all. Today, he is frequently climbing up the list of the Top Fifty Heaviest Objects In The Solar System, recently overtaking the planet Mars.


  • Luciano Pavarotti currently weighs around 8.1 × 10^23 kg.
  • Several thousand people who are believed to have been missing and presumed dead were actually eaten by Luciano Pavarotti, including Amelia Earhart and former Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt.
  • The chunk taken out of the Pentagon on September 11 2006 was actually a bite by Luciano Pavarotti. Pavarotti had planned to eat the entire building, but he was repelled by several missiles the army fired at him.
  • Many of the world’s charities that claim to feed the poor actually donate all their food to Luciano Pavarotti. The author of this page chooses not to identify those charities in order to avoid death.
  • Luciano Pavarotti is commonly believed to be one of the Three Tenors, but this is not true. He is only famous for being fat.
  • The Clinton Administration spent most of its defence budget on trying to stop Luciano Pavarotti from consuming Earth. The Bush Administration has chosen to ignore this issue.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Luciano Pavarotti.
  • For a brief period in 2004, the Earth orbited around Luciano Pavarotti, since his gravitational pull is greater than that of the Sun. In 2005, he began to drift away from Earth. In June 2006, he consumed the planet Pluto, which is the real reason why Pluto is no longer considered a planet. He is currently in orbit somewhere near Neptune.
  • Luciano Pavarotti played a munchkin in 'The Wizard Of Oz'.

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