Lysergic acid diethylamide

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Lysergic acid diethylamide, shortened to "LSD" for those who are unable to decode (read) or pronounce (sound out) words that consist (are made up) of more than one syllable (unit of sound), is a semi-synthetic psychedelic drug which enables those who digest it to create pop art like that of the late Peter Max, to play music similar to that of Jimi Hendrix, to write books like Tom Wolfe's Electric Kool-aid Acid Test, to create religions similar to those of the Moonies, Scientologists, or Heaven's Gate cults, or to make decisions like former attorney general Janet Reno, of Waco fame.

Molecular Structure[edit]

Lysergic acid diethylamide ("LSD" for the illiterate)

A roughly kidney-shaped molecule, lysergic acid diethylamide, the nickname for which is (6aR,9R)-N,N-Diethyl-7-methyl-4,6,6a,7,8,9- hexahydroindolo-[4,3-fg]quinoline-9-carboxamide, consists of densely packed pearly white, highly lustrous hydrogen atoms of pristine beauty highlighted by a dazzlingly ruby-colored oxygen atom, all of which are displayed against a velvety carbon center available in a choice of four settings:

  • LSD
  • iso-LSD
  • L-LSD
  • L-iso0LSD.

Prescribed Uses[edit]

Lysergic acid diethylamide is a panacea, able to cure such conditions as acne, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, chronic arthritis, dementia, flatulence, gingivitis, gout, halitosis, homosexuality, irrumation, jaundice, kleptomania, masturbation, penis envy, rickets, sinusitis, trench mouth, varicose veins, and the withers.

In addition, many religious groups, mainstream and otherwise, employ lysergic acid diethylamide as a means of enhancing prophecy, revelation, and vision quests. Psychologists and psychiatrists administer the compound to cause and study, if not yet cure, schizophrenia.

It is also reputed to be an amazing recreational drug.

Illegal Uses[edit]

Clandestine organizations such as the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), MK-ULTRA, U.S. Army Biomedical Laboratory (now known as the U.S. Army Medical Research Institute of Chemical Defense located in the Edgewood Arsenal at Aberdeen Proving Grounds), MI6, and the KGB used lysergic acid diethylamide for brainwashing purposes in an attempt to melt walls, make cracks appear in people's faces, and make eyes run down cheeks like tears. One of their subjects, Salvador Dali, later achieved fame and fortune by recreating the hallucinatory images as paintings that he "saw" during such experiments.


During the 1960's, a typical single dose of lysergic acid diethylamide was between 100 and 200 micrograms, an amount roughly equal to one-tenth the mass of a grain of sand, but Dr. Timothy Leery, Alan Ginsberg, John Lennon, and other authorities determined that the dose should be increased to 1,000 to 2,500 micrograms. Even this greater amount is held to be insufficient by some users of the drug. Jimi Hendrix, for example, argued that "no amount is too great" and suggested that one ingest as much of the substance as is needed to make him or her want to "kiss the sky." For him, he said, such a dose constituted "about three eyedroppers full, however much that is in microbes."


Lysergic acid diethylamide affects individuals differently, depending upon their karma, past life experiences, and existing state of consciousness, although, in general, the drug can be expected to awaken the higher self, reveal cosmic truths, alter reality, and, perhaps, make the user feel that he is one with God. Effects tend to last about eight to 14 hours but may recur at any time as a "flashback," making mundane moments such as taking a test in school, asking the boss for a raise, or having sex with one's significant other an emotionally tense, even satisfying, experience, including such special effects as moving geometric patterns, the trailing of tails behind streakers, and brilliant, vibrant color patterns. Some people have mated with turtles, believing them to be extraterrestrials, illegal aliens, Sasquatch, slices of Spam, politicians, or a similar type of imaginary being.

Prolonged Use[edit]

Prolonged use of lysergic acid diethylamide has been known to alter users' deepest beliefs. Before chronic use of the substance, Monica Lewinsky believed that she had had sex with President Bill Clinton in the White House's Oval Office, but, after repeated heavy doses of the drug, she came to believe, instead, that "I did not have sex with that man." Likewise, Ronald Reagan, a lifelong Democrat, after multiple doses of lysergic acid diethylamide, changed his political affiliation, ultimately running for and becoming president of the United States on the Republican ticket.

Experiencing a "Good Trip"[edit]

To enhance the possibility of enjoying a pleasant and pleasurable experience under the influence of lysergic acid diethylamide (i. e., a "good trip"), it is recommended that the drug be taken in "a comfortable environment," such as a bordello, surrounded by naked women (or men, depending upon one's sexual preference) and clowns, with "a relaxed sphincter and a fair and balanced opinion." Some people like to play soothing sounds such as orgasmic moans and groans, flatulence, or urination.

Physical Reactions[edit]

Physical reactions to the ingestion of lysergic acid diethylamide also differ from one individual to another, but common reactions include:

  • uterine contractions (reported by men only)
  • penile erection (reported by women only)
  • goose bumps
  • euphoria or dysphoria (depending upon whether one thinks or feels)
  • menstrual cramps (reported by both men and women)
  • tremors
  • ejaculation
  • penis envy
  • anal retentiveness or fecal incontinence (depending upon whether one is generous or miserly).


Lysergic acid diethylamide is synthesized from foot fungus and should not be ingested before swimming in a pool that contains water that has been treated with chlorine, which reduces its potency.


Lysergic acid diethylamide is odorless, colorless, and mildly bitter. Some women have described its taste as being like that of "semen." However, for straight men, lesbians, or others who find such a flavor disagreeable, it can be ingested in applesauce, pudding, gelatin, or cow's blood to give it a richer, sweeter, or more full-bodied taste, just like semen.


Dr. Hofmann's quilt, describing the psychedelic effects of lysergic acid diethylamide

Dr. Albert Hofmann attributed his discovery of the compound's psychoactive effects to his "accidental" absorption of 1,000 micrograms through the skin under his tongue, on July 4, 1776, which led to him testing a "slightly larger amount" (250,000 micrograms) on himself through "direct injection into the bloodstream via syringe." He recorded the effects of the substance's psychedelic effects in the quilt that he made during the next 14 hours in lieu of writing an article for publication in a scientific journal.

Illegal Manufacture and Use[edit]

Dupont Laboratories, where illegal lysergic acid diethylamide is produced illegally

Outlawed in 1968, lysergic acid diethylamide remains a popular recreational drug and is manufactured illegally by chemists at Dupont Laboratories, shown here disguised as Area 51, a military base that is said by the U. S. government never to have existed and, consequently, not to exist today.

As part of its campaign for "Better things for better living," the Dupont Company (E. I. du Pont de Nemours and Company) produces the compound in the following forms:

  • As a liquid solution, which is distributed in small vials or, more commonly, sprayed or soaked onto a distribution medium
  • As LSD-impreganted sugar cubes
  • In tablet form
  • As thin squares of gelatin ("window panes")
  • As desktop blotter paper (for office use): sheets of paper impregnated with LSD and perforated into small squares of individual dosage units.


The Food and Drug Administration has issued the following tests to determine whether long-time users of lysergic acid diethylamide are in danger of going blind, becoming sterile, or losing their remaining marbles.

Test 1[edit]

If an individual has trouble decoding (reading) this message, he or she should STOP taking the drug and see his or her physician (or mortician) IMMEDIATELY:

Taken over a prolonged period or in large does, lysergic acid diethylamide can cause wkdjd dajpsjcpjf sks js eosp[s od[s[o sl[woo []w[] spwpw lw;e;w w;wp;w0p.

Test 2[edit]

If an individual sees anything other than a naked woman surrounded by a horde of locusts in this photograph, he or she should STOP taking the drug and see his or her physician (or mortician) IMMEDIATELY:

Woman surrounded by a horde of locusts