MMORPG

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A hard core MMORPG player in full Epic gear

The MMORPG (Massive Mating Orgy Raping Playing Game) (sometimes referred to as Massive Mature Organisation Raping Poor Guys or Multiple Men Online Role Playing as Girls)genre has been around for decades starting with Rogue, and later, Bard. MMORPGs consist of the same fundamental gameplay, which forces the owner of the game to sit in a chair for hours watching The Phantom Menace over and over again. While this may seem painful at first, the player eventually becomes used to the process and proclaims to others "it's not that bad." Players continue doing this thousands if not hundreds of thousands of times over. Many Gamers consider this to be justified grounds for suicide. The MMORPG is perhaps one of the highest forms of serious business that can be encountered on the internet.

While critics argue against the repetition of the whole process, citing the "battles are repetitive," "there's no story or plot" and "nothing actually changes," players always have an incentive to continue onward. This comes in the form of brownie points, gold star stickers, and check marks. The one with the most toys wins.

When new players initially sign up, they often ask "what do high level players know that I don't?" Skilled players who go through the process the greatest number of times are known for being successful and extremely popular among the world in general, noting that "only players at the very top understand the true meaning and purpose of their lives."

It has been speculated that the population decline in Western countries is closely linked with the number of MMORPG subscriptions.

In late 2009, it was discovered that the man who coined the term 'MMORPG', originally used it to describe a game where 'Many Men Online Role Play Girls'. Companies later tweaked this to the more widely accepted interpretation in order to maintain player interest for those stupid enough to actually play their game in order to get lucky.

History[edit]

In 1976 the RIAA began working with the computer game industry to streamline the market experience. MMORPGs are the latest and greatest scam development in that project.

The first true MMORPG (PONG) was released in 1983. While the game was popular at first, interest rapidly wained due to lack of features. Titles such as Diablo, Doom 3, and stick ball included such features as DRM to help people not steal food from the mouths of the industries children. and faired much better. Everquest and World of Warcraft further expanded the experience by allowing the consumer to keep paying for the game even after owning it.

The overall effect is similar to the success of Arcade video games in the 1980's, except with MMORPG's you can keep dumping the quarters in 24/7 for a small treat, similar to the experiments done with Pavlov's dog, or Schrodengers Cat.

Analysis[edit]

To qualify as an MMORPG (pronounced mah-more-pa-guh)(Stands for Massively Moronic Obssessive Repetetive Playing Game, a game must meet certain benchmarks:

Massively multiplayer: While on the surface this phrase may appear to mean very little, the truth is it means nothing at all! By "nothing at all" I mean, of course, that a great number of people must be able to interact without meaningful purpose. This helps distract people from their failure to bond with society in any normal way. It also means that larger groups can get together to heap derision on those who have a life of lesser in game status. It is a great social equalizer for those who have basically failed at life to feel that they have accomplished something, even if it is Lordship of a Cartoon World.

Online: The game must be completely unplayable if you do not have a computer and $20,000 an hour to shell out. Online also means you can now be spammed, and ninja'ed by people from all over the world. Just like the United Nations in Real life.

Role Playing Game: Players must shower no more than 2 times a year month week, in-game. Spongebathed by a caring family member, or rub peanut butter all over yourself and whistle for the Dog.


Many games include common elements as swords, spells, gold, fish mining, horribly slow game advancement, several characters and places that end with "-dor" (Mordor, Kalimdor, Isildor, Crildor, Troubador, Trogdor, etc.) and not forgeting zor, (and in the case of the popular MMORPG, MySpace:) comment posting, accept/deny friend requets, BULLtin posting, and posing half-naked in front of a camera hoping not to get banned.

Added note from a developer who tested an MMORPG for two days: "Mmorpgs doot doot doo, I got a headache with a mighty pain from playing those. And my neck itches with the force of a hundred and four small children. Oh god, the children, I hope they can subsist on a diet of only dried turtles and communion wafers. Ooh, that game is coming out on the eve of that day, I hope it is compatible with my cheese drive! Tomorrow I can wear a bear hat and get a free new hotdog! Hotdogs are made of ten parts fly and fifteen parts fourtytwo, and if I hear one person talking about that dreaded fox costume then I swear this bologna won’t be here when you get back. Houses can be sometimes supported by bricks and hammers, but the hammers were only invented two years later so most houses are not really mobile. Whoa. That man just detached his foot from the car, how can he do that with only two fingers on his head?" ----------------Note terminated after subject burst into flames. Spontaneous Combustion-------------

MMORPG related deaths[edit]

An incredibly unfortunate incident occurred after the release of the most popular MMORPGs (such as World of Warcraft, Runescape, and Everquest). They became so addictive that people began to die because of playing so much that they did not eat, drink, or sleep. If you are unsure if you are addicted, answer these questions.

1) Do you play more then 5 hours a day/35 hours a week?

2) Do you attempt to look like your character?

3) Is your entire social life wrapped around this game?

Get off the MMORPG now or I will use my ex-marine skills to shoot at you!

4) Are you human?

5) Do you create a woman character just so you can remove the clothes?


If you answer yes to more than 1 of these, you are addicted to your MMORPG.

Here is how to correct this:

Step 1) Limit your play time to 1 hour a day.

Step 2) Take a 2 week break from your game.

Step 3) You may play 30 minutes a day for a week.

Step 4) Quit your game for about 3 months. If you do not trust yourself not to launch the game, uninstall it, or have a trusted person hold the disks, or if you have the will power, even destroy the disks.

Step 5) You quit.

Step 6) The shakes.


If these steps fail to work for any reason at all, then there is a more experimental solution. You could hire an ex-marine to hold a gun to your face every time you get on your computer and play the MMORPG. If this doesn't work then burn your computer and give all your money to the National Beta Club or some other meaningful organization.

Development cycle[edit]

  1. Follow a new MMORPG as soon as you hear about it.
  2. Tail the lead designer in your tiny cramped SUV, screaming out that you want to have his/her baby all the way along.
  3. Claim it's just another World of Warcraft clone years before release. Do this when there's little information on it as possible.
  4. Play the open beta finding every similarity between it and World of Warcraft.
  5. Go to five different information sites that also have discussion forums on that game. Spend all your time on these forums complaining that it's a copy of World of Warcraft.
  6. Buy the retail version.
  7. Install the game and get to level 5. Then spend the rest of your life on the forums. **
  8. Go see an awesome movie, read an awesome book, or play an awesome single player game, and complain how the game is nothing like any of those.
  9. Follow the developers lives in detail, going so far as to take pictures of their family through their window by perching yourself on a tree nearby. Sue them when they refuse to listen to your innovative ideas.
  10. Discuss this on the boards.
  11. Get tired of the game and threaten to quit, then lookup a third party program that will make your life easier.
  12. Get hacked.
  13. Go hack.
  14. Free Space
  15. Complain on the boards some more. (ie WoW similarity or other. Preferably WoW similarity as no one ever tires of it)
  16. Quit.
  17. Discuss this on the boards.
  18. Find another MMORPG years from release.
  19. See step #2.
  20. Find the person who wrote the original negative version and kill his family
  21. Return to previous game after 6 months off.
  22. See step #10.
  23. Play more WoW

Typical forum thread[edit]

"Normal" MMORPG players have more obsessions that can be listed in one picture.

A typical discussion on these fan-forums will follow this pattern:

I'm quitting World of Warcraft because I can't get an epic mount.
You stupid noob, it's a requirement to have an epic mount!
Yeah, but in order to get an epic mount I have to grind my character for months...Everyone else gets to skip all this.
Go to IGE and buy gold there.
That's against the rules.
No it isn't. You'll get into more trouble for swearing than you will buying gold or botting your character.
O RLY?
YA RLY.
NO WAI!
Cans i haf ur stuff?
Oh gosh doodily! It's $49324514.95 for just 500 gold!
This post has been deleted by an administrator. (Beacuse as we all know, moderators have no lifes, apart from taking all the fun out of someone elses.) Leech
You have been banned for saying a no-no Word. Remember children that "gosh doodily" is a "No-No" word. (thread locked)

Or, on a certain other MMORPG that will not be mentioned:

Player A: "I gotz haked i need a mod to get my free stuff back"
Player B: "HAHAHAHAHAAHAH LOL!!!!!"
Wanna Be Mod: "Please don't post inappropriate content on the RuneScape Forums. Please read the rules and Forum Code of conduct. Edit out your post or a Mod will ban [email protected]@@[email protected]!!!!!"
Player A: "STUPID WANNA BE MOD!"
Wanna Be Mod: "STFU!"
The contents of this message have been hidden
  • Thread is locked
"Moderator: Dear user, No-one could give a shit about your "problems." Don't post issues like this on the forums. Run a virus scan and keep your account secure like everyone else. Please remember you are not allowed to post anything on these Forums unless they're praising JaGex or praising Mods/RuneScape."

Forum threads will also include:

-Players whining that they do not have what another person does

-Players whining that they have to work to get the Bludgeoning Blasted Blades of Blasphemous Beatdown or something like that

-Players whining about how their useless trade skill earns no money yet people who hack or sell gold are earning money like mad.

-Players whining about how easy another class has it because they have ___________.

-Ludicrous suggestions that wouldn't make sense to add, only help them and only them, or just something that'll completely break the game.

-A futile attempt to get better mods only to have the thread buried under a million other threads like those mentioned above

-Nonsense. Threads posted for not good reason, don't contribute anything, and have no purpose other than nonsense.

-Lag annoying noobs that keep saying the totally noticeable including lag and hacker (Well known on Fly For Lag and the odd Flower online)

-0.999 = 1.000. End of line.

-Why I'm quitting...

- /facepalm

Storyline[edit]

The following plot synopsis applies to every MMORPG:

Before the First Age, there was the Age before This One. No one remembered this age, but many participated in it. Then they got bored and left.

After this age, there was the New Age, but no one enjoyed it as much as the Current Age. Why? They changed too much stuff and nobody really cared for it.

Now enter: The Current Age.

The Current Age is filled with strange wonders that none had ever glimpsed upon. Observe the long lost continents across the sea. Observe the strange temporal rifts to the outer realm. Observe the long hidden tunnels which with none had whence come forth... until now.

But beware! For these lands are teeming with hordes of vile foes wandering about, molesting the very landscape! Fear not, brave traveller, for you will smite them all!

N, a highly popular MMORPG
MMORPGs
Action 52 | AdventureQuest | Asheron's Call | City of Heroes | Eternal Lands | Final Fantasy XI | Internet (video game) | Kingdom of Loathing | Lord of the Rings Online | RuneScape | Star Trek Online | Tibia | UnQuest | World of Warcraft | World of Whorecraft
Future: War of Worldcraft | Animal Crossing III | Warhammer Online

Foreign MMORPGs[edit]

Foreign MMORPGs has also made quite a impact. But of course, it is hard not to make an impact when around 60000000000000.461 Korean/Chinese/Japanese/What ever the &#%^ games come out every single day. So far the best MMORPG that the cheap Korean companies has made was Rappelz. It was reported that a disgruntled Blizzard employee sold the entire game code and engine to the company for 2 cents, and thus Rappelz was born

Reasons to Play[edit]

  • To experience the opposite sex.
  • To experience what it is like to BE the opposite sex.
  • To experience what it is like to have sex with someone who is pretending to be the opposite sex.
  • To experience "ownage"

Lore Nazi[edit]

Required reading before taking a journey into LotRO, may want to smoke some pipeweed before reading

Many, many well known authors dream of one day having their work turned into an MMORPG. Even well before the time of MMORPGs, authors dreamed of having a medium that truly expressed what they couldn't by putting words on a page. Now some of these authors are no longer with us, who is to protect their vision, their ideals? I say no one better to protect that than a 30 year old virgin living in his Aunt Betty's basement. With big words and years of worthless information at his side a Lore Nazi can defend the honor and vision of some of the greatest authors of all time. Without these brave vigilaties of the MMOs we might have Elves that kill bunny rabbits or beardless Dwarves! Thank you O brave protectors of MMO's without you Jedi may be a starting profession in Star Wars Galaxies! Err...never mind.

See Also[edit]

External links[edit]


MMORPGs
Action 52 | AdventureQuest | Asheron's Call | City of Heroes | Eternal Lands | Final Fantasy XI | Internet (video game) | Kingdom of Loathing | Lord of the Rings Online | RuneScape | Star Trek Online | Tibia | UnQuest | World of Warcraft | World of Whorecraft
Future: War of Worldcraft | Animal Crossing III | Warhammer Online