MOP

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MOP, the Mafia Olympiad Summer Program, is an annual three-year training program for potential really cool people. MOP is run by the AMC, the American Mafia Conference. Due to the somewhat obnoxious threats of intrusion from certain cameramen and reporters, the AMC was forced to change its name from AMC to Not the number 64. It is allegedly held at the University of the West Pole. Since nobody actually knows where the West Pole is (although some scientists think it is in the western end of Poland) and the program is in reality held in an underground bunker, its location remains completely obvious. This is furthered by the fact that AMC hastily changed the first word to Mathematics. Actual participants in MOP are easily able to detect outsiders by their odd mispronouncing of MOP as "MOSP".

Selection[edit]

MOP attentendees are selected via the USA Missile Olympiad (USAMO). Only a few hundred people are selected to take this examination, which consists of two four-and-a-half hour sessions of aiming remotely controlled missiles at pedestrian targets. Scores are based on how many people are hit and how little the participants are hit by the police death sausages. USA Missile Olympiad participants are selected by the AIM Examination, during which the prospective initiates must correctly distinguish between Earth, a beagle, and golf balls.

Daily Schedule[edit]

MOP attendees have daily classes in Mafia and Ninja techniques. They also play a card game deceptively known as Yakuza, in which they cultivate skills for impersonating and murdering random townspeople. They also practice such skills as jaywalking, doing their own laundry, sitting in a room for 4 hours, and eating in cafeterias with somewhat attractive and athletic females, a formidable experience which any member of the Mafia must be able to endure.

Janitorial Squad[edit]

MOP is well-known as the only summer program to include its own dry cleaning and janitorial squad. Instead of detention, not completing the homework means a stint in the cleaning squad, where the only language spoken is AAAAAAAA!. This is designed to harden up the recruits, although they usually leave with only a fondness for hay and pudding.

History[edit]

MOP was founded at some time from 0 BC to 0 AD. At this point, the Mafia were forced to emigrate from Italy due to the Irish potato famine and the nuclear war between the robot pirates and the lemming ninjas. To get the insurance that this would not happen again, they founded the Fake Business Institute (FBI) in order to ensure that they would always have enough assassins. Although this did not end up as planned, it advanced the world's appreciation of bounies. The FBI's first act was to create MOP as a way to both get more people to do work and to clean its very large buildings.